How I Wish That Was Me
by Lulu Horan
Summary: A little Larry/Lourry fanfic. Harry falls for his best friend, but Louis doesn't know it. What will happen when he finds out? Hints of ... other bromances. R&R! Larry Stylinson. Rated T for language and mild smut. WARNING: self-harm.
1. Jealousy

**A/N: Hello! Obviously, I don't own One Direction, do I really need to say it? Yes? Fine, I don't own any members of One Direction. There, okay? This is my first 1D fanfic, and...I just don't know, but I hope you like it. Please review. :)**

I opened the door to see Louis laying on the bed. He smiled up at me and I couldn't breathe. "Hazza! I was wondering when you'd get here! I thought you wouldn't want to do movie night with us!"

"Hey, Lou." I closed the door behind me. "Us? Where's everyone else?"

"Oh, well, Liam's in the bathroom, and Niall's in the kitchen making snacks. I don't know where Zayn is, nobody's seen him." He shrugged. "I'm sure he'll be around. Come sit! Or lay, whichever you prefer." He patted the spot next to him and I went over to lay next to him, burying my face in his neck and wrapping my arms around his waist. "Someone's affectionate today," he murmured, putting his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. "You alright Haz?"

I closed my eyes and sighed in contentment. "Perfect." I breathed in his scent, a sweet slightly feminine smell mixed with fresh laundry.

"Are you sure?" He looked down at me with those beautiful blue eyes full of concern and I thought my heart would burst.

"I'm perfect, Lou, I promise," I mumbled before sniffing him again.

"Why are you smelling me?"

"Your scent is appealing." I couldn't believe I said that. I blushed, burying my face into his shoulder to hide my embarrassment, but he just laughed.

"Is that why I can't keep the ladies off? Welcome back, Li! How was the loo?"

Liam came into the room and gave Louis a puzzled look. "The way it always is, I suppose."

"And how are you feeling?" he started playing with my curls. I loved when he did that.

"Much better, thanks."

I burst out laughing at the look on Li's face, and Lou joined in. "You're so funny. He was just poking fun at you, Daddy, don't be so uptight," I teased Li.

He made a face. "Hello, Haz."

"I love you too." I blew him a kiss. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Have you seen Zayn?"

"No, but I texted him a few minutes ago. Hopefully he'll either be here or answer soon."

"Oi, who want's popcorn?" Niall yelled from the doorway.

"Me!" Louis shouted back, pulling away from me and reaching for one of the bowls that Ni was holding. "I LOVE popcorn!" he said, shoving some into his mouth. "It's such buttery, salty goodness!"

I went to sit on the floor, pissed that I'd been replaced by Lou's favorite snack. _I wish he loved me like he loves popcorn..._ "Hey, Ni, what else do you have?"

"S'mores!" he said brightly, handing me the plate of the delicious chocolatey treat. That's when I noticed just how many snacks he had. A few bottles of soda, another bowl of popcorn, tortilla chips and salsa, a plate of sandwiches and a giant bag of doritos.

"Ni, how the hell did you carry all that?"

"Irish luck," he winked, sitting down beside Liam.

"That's right. I forgot you're a leprechaun." Everyone laughed except Ni, who glared at me. He was sensitive about being the shortest.

"You boys having fun without me?"

"Zayn!" Louis shouted before launching himself into his arms. Jealousy flowed through me. He hadn't hugged me like that. "Where were you, mate? We were waiting for you!"

Z spun him around before releasing him. "Sorry, lads. Got caught in a bit of traffic."

"Well come sit and eat!" Niall waved the bag of crisps at him.

"Okay, Ni," he laughed before sitting. He leaned around and smiled at Liam. "Hey, Li, how are you?"

"I'm fine. I was a bit worried when you didn't answer my text."

"Sorry, mate. Like I said, I was driving and I didn't want to get distracted."

"It's alright, I'm just glad you're safe." I rolled my eyes at Liam being Daddy again.

"Hey, Harry. How are you feeling?"

"Peachy," I said dully, stuffing a s'more in my mouth and staring at the blank telly screen.

"Someone's moody," Lou piped up from the bed. "You okay, Haz? You were happy a few minutes ago."

"I'm fine."

"Did I do something?" Zayn looked genuinely puzzled. I sighed, feeling immediately guilty.

"No, I'm sorry. Just...sorry." No one said anything for a while, just stared. I admit, I wasn't the one for tantrums. That was usually Niall, our hot-headed Irishman. I just didn't like getting replaced by popcorn and Zayn. The silence was heavy and awkward as my cheeks grew warm. "Are we going to watch this movie or not?"

Liam responded first. "Yeah, of course." He put the movie in and everyone settled comfortably, Ni leaning on Li, Z leaning on Ni and Li leaning back against the bed. I guessed Lou was comfortable where he was. I wanted so badly to cuddle him but at the same time, I didn't want to be annoying. I looked out of the window, lost in thought. It wouldn't even be like this if I hadn't fell in love with him. I can't tell you when exactly I did, but I realized it a few months ago, while we were on our promo tour. Lou became my best friend and we did everything together, and though we were close to the other boys, somehow, we were just naturally drawn to each other. When I realized just how strong my feelings were, I prayed they would be mutual, but from what I could tell, Louis was completely oblivious. I was friend-zoned before I had a chance. Didn't matter anyway. If Management found out I was bi...let's just say it wouldn't end well.

Li noticed my brooding. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

"Fine," I smiled before turning my attention back to the peach-colored sky. Sunset was the most beautiful time of day. The colors were rich and rare, so beautiful and unique, like a certain lad I know who prefers braces over bow-ties. I sighed. Why won't he be mine? If only I could tell him how I feel. If only he knew...maybe things would be different...maybe he would love me too...maybe we would...

"Harry, wake up." Niall was shaking me. "The movie's over, Hazza, wake up."

I sat up and yawned. "What happened?"

"What happened is we enjoyed a great film while you were snoozing!" Lou threw a pillow at me.

I caught it before it hit my face. "Good for you." I threw it back. He caught it as well, but gave me a puzzled look.

"Hazza?"

"What?"

"Are you alright?"

"Will everyone stop asking me that?" I lashed out. "I'm fine! Geez, what do you want me to do to prove it? Smile for you?" I placed a huge grin on my face, showing all my teeth. "There. Does that make everyone happy?"

They all stared before Ni burst out laughing. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, mate, we're just worried about you."

"Well stop worrying, it's irritating."

More silence. "Well, I'm going to head home," Zayn finally said. "My grandmother isn't feeling too well lately and the family wants me around."

"Me too," Liam said as Zayn left, shouting goodbye after him. "I know we usually have a big sleepover, but..." he glanced at me, "I don't think it's the best idea tonight."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "And that's my fault, is it?" I nearly yelled.

He frowned. "I didn't say that. I just said-"

"I heard what you said and I know what you meant by it!"

"Harry, mate-"

"Don't, Niall, okay?"

"Are you on your period or something?" Lou asked cynically.

"Oh sure, make fun of it. Sure, go all out, go ballistic! Well I hope you have fun!" I grabbed my jacket, stormed out of the room and down the stairs toward the front door. Footsteps came pounding behind me.

"Hazza, wait, I'm sorry!" Louis grabbed my arm. "Can we talk? Please?"

"Talk about what, Lou?"

"Harry...please."

I sighed heavily. "Maybe another time. I don't feel much like talking at the moment." I pulled my arm away and headed out the door.

"Harry, we need to talk about this! What's your problem tonight? You're never like this!" He followed me down the block. "You were fine until Zayn got there. Do you have an issue with him or something?" I ignored him. "Haz. Hazza. Harry, answer me. _Harry._" Ignorehimignorehimignorehim. "_HAROLD!_" he shouted. I was so shocked that I stopped walking. "Seriously, what's wrong with you? I thought we were best mates. If we are, you're supposed to tell me what's wrong. Harold!" he said again sharply when I did not answer. "Harold Edward Styles, I swear to God you'd better say something."

I turned to face him. "Something about _what_, Louis? About how I'm misunderstood? About how nobody sees me anymore? About how I'm struggling with my feelings and nobody cares?"

"Your feelings about what?" I didn't say anything, just stared into his beautiful blue eyes, eyes that held such anger and contempt. "Goddammit, Harold!"

"_Stop fucking calling me that! _My name is Harry, you fucking wanker! And if you don't know that, then I guess we're not friends. So goodbye, _Lewis,_" I spat. I could tell I'd pissed him off. "I guess I'll see you at work." I looked into his eyes the whole time, and watched the anger fade and get slowly replaced by hurt.

"Fine. Sorry for caring. Guess I'll see you at the studio." He turned around and walked back to the house, where Liam was there with Niall, watching. Li held Lou, who looked like he was crying and Ni rubbed his back. They both glared at me, shaking their heads.

_Shit,_ I thought, watching them go inside the house. _What the fuck did I just do?_

**Well, there you have it. Please tell me what you think, I would really like to know. Also, I have no idea where this story is going, so suggestions would be nice, yes? Love you guise, thanks for reading! xx (REVIEW!)**


	2. Daddy

**A/N: Honestly, at this point, idk what to think. I have recieved only one feedback on tumblr, so this chapter goes out to you (sorry I don't remember your name). I mean, I don't know if you guys like it or what. Whatever, peasants.**

***WARNING:* self-harm**

_**Louis POV**_

I turned away from Harry, my heart tearing in two. I didn't know why he was being so mean. I was only trying to understand. I don't know how I made it back to my house, but I did and Liam was there, wrapping me in his warm embrace, whispering that it would be okay as I fell apart. Nialler patted my back and muttered curses toward Harry. "I just..I...I..."

"Shh, I know, Lou." Li smoothed my hair. "It's okay. Let's go back inside. Come on." They guided me back into the house and I collapsed on the couch, sobbing. I don't even know why. Harry wasn't the first friend I'd lost, but for some reason, his rejection hurt the worst.

I wiped the tears away, frustrated. "Why did he do that, Liam? Was I being too pushy?"

"Of course not, Lou. You were just a concerned friend, that's all."

"But why did he get so _mad_?"

"Why did you get so sad just now?"

I gave him a strange looked. "My best mate just dumped me, why else?"

"That's the question, isn't it?"

"I know you're trying to be helpful, Li, but that doesn't make any sense at all."

Niall touched my shoulder and sat next to me. "What Liam here is trying to say, is that you love him."

"Well of course I love him, I love all you lads."

"We love you too, mate. But that's the point."

"_What?_" They were really confusing me.

Ni sighed. "Harry loves you. Haven't you ever loved someone so much you couldn't stand them? Well, that's how he feels right now."

"No, I have never felt that way. That's not even an emotion, it's an oxymoron."

He patted my shoulder again. "Just think about it, mate. It'll make sense soon." He rose and went upstairs to get his things.

"Maybe you should sleep on it," Li said sympathetically.

"Yeah. Do you think he was jealous?"

"Jealous of what?"

"When I hugged Zayn? Do you think Harry got jealous and that's why he got so angry?"

He shrugged. "Possibly. Who ever knows with Harry's frame of mind?" Ni returned with their things and they bade goodbye, making me promise to call when I woke up. I grumbled a consent as the door shut and headed up the steps to bed. It was way before the time I usually get to sleep, but I was exhausted from crying so much. I flopped face down on the bed and drifted to unconsciousness, my last thoughts surrounding Harry...

_**Harry's POV**_

I only realized, when I was halfway to my mum's house, that I lived with Louis...but I guessed that had changed. I brushed tears away and knocked. Mum's face lit up when she answered and saw me. "Harry, darling! I wasn't expecting you. Come in." She pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my forehead. "You alright, dear? Your eyes are red."

"I'm fine, mum, just had a row with the lads." I rubbed my eyes, embarrassed.

"Are you sure everything is okay?"

"Yes, I just need somewhere to stay tonight. Now that I think about it, I could've went to a hotel. I'll just go..." I turned toward the door.

"Don't be silly, Harry. You know you can come back here whenever you like. Stay for the night."

"Okay, mum, just tonight though."

"I was on my way to bed, so I'll see you in the morning for breakfast." She kissed my forehead again and went up the stairs.

I shrugged out of my coat and headed to my old room, despair overtaking me as I realized the depth of the situation. _What the fuck did I do?_ I went into the connected bathroom, hoping maybe a hot shower would help me. I stripped and stepped under the scalding water, determined to clear my mind of anything Louis-related. The problem was, he never left my mind because I was _in love_ with the guy. And now he hates me. Probably just as well. He's way too good for me anyway. I shampooed my hair with extra vigor, powered by my anger. _He's funny, witty, sexy...charming. And what am I? Ugly, stupid, worthless..._Choking back a sob, and without even thinking about it, I picked up the razor on the side of the tub.

I'd never cut before, but I was willing to try anything to get the pain to stop. I sliced my skin on the wrist. It stung, but was oddly rewarding at the same time, so I cut more. _Stupid, useless, ugly...worthless little bitch. Louis would never love a cunt like you._ I dropped the blade and stared at the six open wounds, feeling a shallow kind of victory. I'd found an outlet. I wouldn't have to keep the pain bottled up anymore. In a way, I was free.

–

Work the next week was a bit awkward. I got there before anyone else and lounged on the couch praying that Louis and I could somehow work things out. Normally we would text each other anytime we weren't together, but that exchange hadn't taken place all week and I missed it. The door to the studio creaked open and my heart skipped a beat, but it was Liam and Niall who stepped inside. Ni avoided my eyes and went directly to the breakfast buffet table. "Hi, Li. How are you?" I licked my lips nervously, as I hadn't talked to Liam either, but he smiled and sat next to me.

"I'm great, Harry. What about you? Nobody's heard from you all week."

"I know. I just...didn't know what to say. Besides, they all hate me now, don't they?"

"No, they don't. They're just confused, as am I. Zayn thinks you can't stand him, Nialler thinks you're nuts, and Louis...Lou's just hurt."

My shoulders slumped. "What am I supposed to do? I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just so mad."

"What were you mad about?"

"Getting replaced," I mumbled shamefully.

"Getting replaced? Who did you get replaced by, exactly?"

"Popcorn and Zayn." I stared at the floor and Li chuckled.

"Hazza, you weren't replaced. Not permanently anyway. You already know how Louis feels about popcorn."

"Yeah. He used to be that way with carrots, I remember."

"Until the fans wouldn't stop giving them to him. Their dedication is admirable, I suppose."

"Of course it is. We would be nowhere without them."

"But Harry, what do you mean, you were replaced by Zayn?"

"Well...I mean...you saw the way he just jumped into Z's arms! Why didn't he hug me like that? After all this time being best mates, it's like he's sick of me or something. It's not fair..."

"Haz, Lou would never be able to replace you. That's not what happened."

"Are you sure?"

"Lou cried for so long after you left. You broke his heart."

"Really? Then I have to apologize..." Hope rose inside of my chest. We would be best friends again...and maybe more...

Li nodded. "That's the right way to go." The door to the studio creaked again and, as fate would have it, Louis stepped in, looking as flawless as always. "Now's your chance, Haz. Go get 'em."

I rose, took a deep breath and stepped toward Lou, who saw me coming and instantly struck up a conversation with Niall, so I stood awkwardly, a few feet away, waiting for the chance to redeem myself. Some of their words seemed forced, as though they didn't really want to talk. The time dragged by and I looked to Liam desperately. He just nodded and motioned for me to go ahead. I glanced back at Lou and shook my head at Liam before running to the bathroom down the hall. I closed the door and slid to the floor, my tears pouring out and grief washing over me. I pulled a blade out of my pocket. I'd known somehow I would need it. I pulled up my sweater's sleeve and cut. _Stupid, ugly, worthless, pathetic little cuntbag. Louis hates you. Niall hates you. The fucking WORLD hates you. And why shouldn't they? Why shouldn't they hate a dim, half-witted loser like you?_

_**Liam's POV**_

I sighed heavily. Somehow, I was always the one cleaning up everyone's mess. But they called me "Daddy" for a reason. Daddy has to take care of the family. I walked up to Lou, who was still talking to Niall. "Louis, we need to talk, now." I grabbed his arm and pulled him across the room from Ni.

"Don't say a word to me about Harry, he deserved it."

"He was trying to apologize and you blew him off."

He flipped his hair. "I bet that hurt. Good, he needs to hurt."

I couldn't believe my ears. "Louis! He's your best friend for heaven's sake!"

"Not anymore. He said it himself."

"You've been miserable all week, Lou. You miss him and you know it!" He started to shake his head. "Don't try to deny it! You miss him, so get him back."

"I'm not going to degrade myself that way." He crossed his arms and switched to sassy mode. "If he wants to come back dragging his tail between his legs, let him. I don't care."

"_Louis!_ That's the wrong attitude about this and you know it! Harry completely regrets what he said and he wants to take it back! Now go and do it!" I gave him a little push in the direction of the bathroom, where Harry was undoubtedly crying. He made a face at me over his shoulder, but I ignored it and pointed at the door. He rolled his eyes and obliged, knocking before going inside.

Niall came over. "So...what exactly is going on? Do you know why Harry flipped out like that?"

"I don't even think Harry knows that, mate. Let's just hope things get back to the way they were before. How awkward would that be if they're not talking? Everyone will notice and it just won't be the same."

"You're right. Well, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. By the way, where's Zayn? Warm-ups start soon."

I rolled my eyes. "You know Zayn's always late."

"He needs to fix that. In the meantime, I'm going to have biscuits...and cheese...maybe a little bit of sausage."

_**Louis' POV**_

I knocked on the bathroom door, but there was no answer. Since the door was unlocked, I opened it and went inside. Harry was sitting on the floor, holding his arm delicately, like it was wounded. "Hi."

He blinked up at me with red eyes. "Hi, Lou."

I shut the door and sat next to him. "Are you alright? Did you hurt your arm?"

"No, my arm's fine," he said quickly, letting go of it. He was always the most awful liar. We sat in silence for a while. "Louis, I'm so sorry for what I said. I was...I was just angry."

"Why were you angry?"

He thought for a moment. "Maybe jealous is a better term."

"Jealous of who? Zayn?" He nodded and blushed, looking at the floor. "Oh for God's sake, Hazza, why would you be jealous of a hug? Are you that possessive?"

"You just seemed to put more feeling into it, so I thought I was being replaced."

"No one can replace you, Haz. You're special to me, and nothing's going to change that, not even a jealous you." Tears brimmed his eyes and I grabbed his hand, lacing my fingers through his. "We have something special. I don't know what it is or why we have it, but we do. That's why you assumed the worst, that's why we both cried...and that's also how I know you're lying to me about your arm. What happened to it?"

He looked confused, or at least he tried to. "What? What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong." I narrowed my eyes. "I'm serious, Lou, I'm fine."

"Alright, don't tell me. I'll leave it alone for now. I'm just glad we're friends again."

His green eyes lit up and sparkled like emeralds. "Me too." He pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you, Louis."

"I love you too, Haz."

**Well, that might have sucked. I'LL KNOW IF YOU REVIEW! Still don't know where this story is headed. IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE SOME SUGGESTIONS, YES? Until the next chapter, then (if there IS a next chapter. it's up to YOU!).**

**~BooBearsLulu**


	3. Just A Dream

**A/N: HOLY NANDO'S! I honestly thought this chapter would never get done! BUT IT IS! Now, some people are trying to rain on my Larry parade by telling me this story shouldn't be here and they're going to delete it. HOWEVER! I am putting it on . It's under the same title and my username is the same : LOVE YOU GUISE SO MUCH! REVIEW PLEASE :)**

**WARNING: smut and self-harm**

_**Harry's POV**_

Louis threw me against the wall and crushed his lips to mine, running one hand up my shirt and the other through my hair. "You're so beautiful, Hazza," he whispered before kissing me again, his lips more gentle. I was in heaven as he grinded against me, the sweet friction arousing me quickly.

"Lou," I moaned at the contact and knowledge that he was hard for _me._ "Oh God, Lou...please..."

"You want me?" he asked, licking my ear. "You want me inside you?" I could do nothing but whimper helplessly. He grinded into me hard. "You want me to make you dirty?" His eyes were dark with lust as he pulled my pants down and dropped to his knees. He started teasing me and I couldn't take it.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head. "Please," I panted eagerly. He grinned before taking me into his hot wet mouth and I was lost in the pleasure. "Oh God, Lou...yeah...mmm...yes, yes...I'm so close..._Louis!_" I screamed as I got closer to the climax. "_Holy fuck!_" I came in his mouth.

He grinned up at me and swallowed, licking cum off his chin. "That was fun. Are you ready for the real stuff now?"

My eyes widened as he pinned me to the wall. "The real stuff? What's that?"

He just smiled, making my knees go weak at his beauty. He leaned forward and whispered directly in my ear. "_Wake up, Haz._"

"What?"

"I said wake up! We have to get ready for work. Hazza!"

I blinked in the sudden light, confused. "Work?" Louis' face was blurred in front of mine. "What do you mean, work?"

"Work. You know, the place where we sing into the microphone for twelve hours?"

"Why are we suddenly talking about work?" I reached for him, but he dodged me and pulled back the cover.

"Harry. Out of bed. Right now." He immediately went into queen mode. "Come on, we're going to be late!" I didn't care, I just wanted to go back to...I guess it was a dream. "Hazza! Do I have to call Liam?"

That got me up. "Alright, alright! I'm going to take a shower." I went into the bathroom, grumbling to myself. If Lou called Liam, he would've came with a big bucket of ice water and dumped it on me. Ice water. With _ice cubes._ I shivered in horror at the thought and took a hot shower, trying to calm myself down from the dream and focus. Lou wasn't mine, and he never would be.

_**Louis POV**_

I shook my head as Harry entered the bathroom. I didn't know what was up with him. He's usually not so drowsy in the morning. I put it out of my mind and went to make breakfast, thinking that would get him out of his funk. It was really too bad I couldn't cook for anything, but I wanted to try. I mixed batter to make pancakes and poured some into the frying pan.

"Lou, is something burning?" Harry ran down the steps and into the kitchen.

"Nothing's burning, Haz, I'm just making breakfast."

He looked around at the mess of flour and burnt pancakes. "I don't think I want any."

"Don't be mean," I pouted. "I wanted to make breakfast just for you."

He blushed and smiled. "Really?"

"Well, you woke up really grumpy, so I wanted to cheer you up with pancakes. Sorry it didn't go too well," I frowned.

"How about I clean this up and make us some omelets?"

"You'd do that?"

"Of course! I love you." He looked panicked, but I didn't know why.

"I love you too, Haz." I hugged him and kissed his forehead before going to sit on the sofa. I texted Liam to let him know we'd be late and tweeted _Omelets for breakfast, thanks to Harry_Styles. Love you babe!_ My phone buzzed with Liam's answer.

_I should've known. Just hurry up. And be careful getting over here._

_-Li xx_

"Harry, Daddy says we should hurry."

"Well, it's your bloody fault, isn't it? We could have picked up breakfast."

"But I wanted to make you happy," I pouted.

"I'm not complaining, Lou. I'm just saying, I would have been just as happy with a muffin from the bakery."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He came into the living room, carrying two plates of omelet. "Just next time, remember you can't cook for shit."

I snatched the plate away. "Watch your mouth, Harold. Remember what happened the last time you swore."

He rolled his eyes. "Pussy is not a swear word."

I took a bite of my eggs and grinned. "Then why did you get grounded for a week?"

His face turned red. "Because it's not appropriate to say on video!"

"Yeah, okay. Then why-"

"Let's just hurry before Daddy yells at us." We finished eating quickly after that. "By the way, you're washing the dishes." He took my plate with his and dumped them in the sink. "Now let's go." He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the door.

"Well, aren't we bossy today?"

"Oh my God, Lou, let's just _go_."

I chuckled and ruffled his hair before opening the door. A few minutes later, we were speeding down the highway. "Louis, for God's sake, slow down!"

"But we're late!"

"Yes, but I would like to get there in one piece!"

"_Relax_, Hazza. What is with you today? We'll be fine."

"How can I relax when you're going twice the speed limit?"

"It's called trust."

"I trust that we're going to die!"

"I'm not even going that fast!"

"You are! You're being really reckless right now."

"What?" I glanced at him in disbelief. "What the hell, Harry? Are you turning into Liam?"

"Liam's right a lot of times. That's why he's Daddy, and not you, because you do stupid things! Stupid, annoying things!"

I stared. "You think I'm annoying?"

"Sometimes, like right now."

I slowed the car down to the speed limit. "There you go, Princess Harold."

"Don't, Lou."

"Fine, I won't." I kept my lips sealed for the rest of the ride.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

My leg jiggled restlessly. Louis and Harry were really late, a lot later than they said. Or than Lou said, anyway. I checked my phone again, but there was nothing new. We always did our warm-ups together, as a band, and I wasn't going to change that now.

"Where the hell are they?" Ni asked impatiently, chomping on a biscuit. "Even Zayn's here."

"I don't know. Neither one of them are answering."

"Can I kick their arses when they get here?"

"No, Niall. Just calm down, they'll be here soon." I didn't even finish the sentence before the door to the studio opened. "Where were you? What took you so long? What's wrong?" Louis was in full sassy queen mode and Harry was frowning.

"Lou almost got us _killed_, that's what happened."

"Oh, for _fuck's sake_ Harold, let it go!"

"My name is Harry, you wanker!"

"Is that on your birth certificate, Princess? Didn't think so." He turned his back and flipped his hair. "Well, are we going to do this shit or what? What the fuck else am I here for?" He stormed into the recording studio.

I looked at Harry in alarm. "What was that all about?"

He sighed wearily. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"It doesn't matter right now anyway. We need to start now." I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the studio. "However," I looked him in the eyes. "We're not done talking about this." He took his place next to me. I leaned over and whispered, "How about we discuss it over dinner, on me, and you can tell me everything?" He took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, everyone. Let's start with One Thing."

Harry tried to sneak away after work, but I caught him and dragged him outside by the neck and called a cab. When it came, I shoved him inside. "Nando's please," I told the driver.

Harry glared at me. "This is kidnap, you know."

"No it's not. You said you'd tell me everything over dinner tonight, and so you will."

He scowled. "Why should I have to?"

I massaged my temples. "Hazza, you and Lou are best mates."

"Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"He's such fucking prick. I hate him."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do." His voice was firm and sure as he glared out the window. When we got to Nando's, I got a private booth in the back.

"Okay, so tell me everything that happened this morning."

"I don't want to." He frowned at the table.

"Harry. Please tell me. This is completely confidential."

"Fine. He woke me up, threatened to call you when I didn't get out of bed. After I got out the shower, he cooked me breakfast, or at least he tried, but it came out burnt, so I made omelets." He paused and I nodded in encouragement. "So while we were in the car, I wanted him to slow down because if we crashed...I just didn't want him to get hurt." Tears were forming in his eyes. "I got so mad that he wouldn't listen to me...I told him he was annoying...I think that hurt his feelings because then he called me Princess Harold and stopped talking to me, except when he yelled at me in the studio." He sniffled. "That's everything."

I was thoroughly confused. "I don't understand why you got so upset. You already know how Lou is. I feel like something's missing here." He glanced nervously at me before staring at his hands. "Harry. There's something you're not telling me."

He bit his lip. "I...can't. I can't tell you." He looked up at me, his green eyes swimming. "I really want to tell you, but I just can't."

I put my hand over his. "Harry," I said seriously, "who's your Daddy?" He looked at me and I wiggled my eyebrows, making him laugh. "No, but really, Harry. That's what Daddy Direction is for. I listen to your problems and point the right way for you to go without-"

"I'm in love with him!" he blurted suddenly.

That shocked me, but not as much as it should have. "Ohh, so that's the problem is it? Your poor heart yearns for a certain older bestriped lad in braces and Toms, huh?"

He pulled his hand away and frowned. "Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not trying to. Honestly. I'm sorry." He scooted over so he was next to me and wrapped his arms around me, laying his head on my shoulder. I put my arm around him and kissed his forehead. "It'll be okay, Harry."

"He hates me," he whimpered.

"He doesn't, Hazza, I promise. But you should tell him how you feel."

"I'm scared to, Li."

"Scared of what? Louis will understand."

"But he has Eleanor. What if he doesn't like me too?"

"Harry, you have to at least try."

"Okay," he whispered, slipping away from me just as the waitress arrived. After dinner, we caught a taxi to his house. He gave me a tight hug. "Thank you, Liam."

"Always. Goodnight, Hazza."

"Goodnight."

–

"So what happened," Niall asked as soon as I walked through the door.

"I took him to Nando's and-"

"YOU WHAT?" He looked upset.

I sighed in exasperation. "Come on, Ni, you're always there. I took Harry for dinner, he told me what happened this morning, and why he flipped out."

"Why did he? Tellmetellmetellme." He bounced up and down in the armchair.

I laughed and sat on the sofa. "I can't."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"

I sighed. "As long as you promise not to tell a soul."

He nodded enthusiastically. "I promise. What is it?"

"Harry..." I paused for dramatic effect. "...is in love."

Ni gasped. "What? With who?"

"Louis, of course."

"No. Way. Oh. My. God."

"Remember, Niall, you promised not to say a word to anyone, not even Zayn."

"What about me?" a voice said behind me.

"Oh, nothing." I said, scooting over to make room for him on the couch.

"Yeah, I'm not allowed to tell you." I shot Niall a warning look.

Z looked back and forth between us. "Tell me what?"

"That Harry's in love with Louis."

"WHAT?"

"NIALL!" I shouted and he slapped a hand over his mouth. "This is why I don't tell you things."

He shrugged and removed his hand after a while. "It's not like Louis' actually here, so. Is he going to tell Lou?"

"I told him he should. That way, Louis will know everything, and everyone will be happy."

"Except Eleanor."

I stared at him. "I didn't think of that, Zayn. Maybe that wasn't the best idea."

"No, it's a great idea," he said hurriedly. "I mean, sure, El won't be happy, but Harry will be because he got his feelings off of his chest."

"You're right. You always know how to make me feel better." I put my arm around him and he snuggled into my side.

"I try."

I kissed the top of his head and suddenly noticed Niall looking oddly sad. "What's wrong, Niall? You want to snuggle too?" I opened my other arm and he squealed and jumped into it. We sat comfortably for a while.

"Can we watch a movie?" Zayn asked suddenly.

"As long as it's Toy Story." They both glared at me and I smiled. "What?" Ni just shook his head and went to put the movie in.

Z laughed. "Nothing. You're too cute, Daddy." He kissed my cheek then bit my earlobe.

"Ouch!" I looked at him, shocked. "Why did you do that?"

"I felt like it."

"No more snuggling for you." I pushed him off the couch. "Come on, Niall." I opened my arms and he all but sat in my lap. Zayn glared at us from the armchair.

"Hi, Liam," Ni whispered in my ear.

I smiled and whispered back "Hi, Niall." He giggled. "Why are we whispering?"

"I think Zayn's jealous."

I glanced at Z, who was glaring at the telly. "I think you're right." We both chuckled and he stared daggers at us.

"Hey, Liam?"

"Yeah, Ni?"

"I love you," he said loud enough for Zayn to hear.

"I love you too." He squealed in delight and buried his face in my neck. I laughed because it tickled a bit. Zayn stared stone-faced at the movie, not really watching it. I stroked Ni's hair and turned my attention to the screen. Niall eventually fell asleep, snoring softly.

–

_**Harry's POV**_

I took a deep breath and walked into the house. I tried not to be too nervous, repeating Liam's words to myself over and over. _He's your best friend. He'll understand. You need to tell him. You need to do this._ I heard Lou's laughter from upstairs. _He must be watching the telly._ I walked slowly up the steps to his bedroom, stopping outside the door.

"No way!" he shouted. "That's crazy, El!"

_El. Perfect. He's on the phone with Eleanor._ I facepalmed. This couldn't get any worse.

"Harry? Nope, I don't know." I jumped to attention at my name. "Well, yeah, I know that, but...what? No, I already said no...I know...Yes...Of course!...I miss you so much...Yeah." His voice got softer. "I love you...I love you more...Yes I do...I love you so much, you don't understand. Sometimes I wish we could just get married...yes, I know you have to finish school, love. I'm willing to wait." My heart broke into a million pieces. "No one will ever replace you, El. I swear. I could never love anyone else like I love you."

Tears poured down my face as I went to my own room, slamming the door behind me. _I was wrong. It got much worse. It doesn't matter now what I feel. He doesn't want to love anyone else. He'll never love me._ I went into my bathroom, not bothering with the door. I just needed release. I pulled off my shirt and grabbed the razor. _Stupid, ugly, useless, pathetic half-witted loser. How could he ever love you?_ I sobbed loudly, overcome with anguish. _He loves Eleanor because she's pretty, funny, sweet...and a girl, you brainless fag._ I cut deeper than before, blood spilling everywhere. I didn't stop until I could feel nothing, until I was so numb that I couldn't think, until everything went black.

**A/N: Well, there you have it. I know, you hate me, right? Noooo, you love me. Ily2 3 anyways, REVIEW POR FAVOR! love you guyses! Until next time, Keep Calm and Larry On! xxxxxx ~BooBearsLulu**


	4. Disturbance

**A/N: Hello there! Glad I finally updated, huh? ;) I should warn you, there is no Larry. BUT DON'T HATE ME OKAY THIS CHAPTER IS IMPORTANT FOR LATER IN THE STORY. Happy reading!**

**No warnings needed for this chapter.**

_**Louis' POV**_

"I'll never love anyone else as much as I love you," I poured my heart out to Eleanor.

She giggled. "You're so sweet, Lou. I love you too, so much."

I heard Harry's door slam. I felt like I should go after him, like something was wrong, but I shook it off and stayed on the phone, talking and laughing with El for another hour or so. After we hung up, I went to make a cup of tea before bed. Harry usually watched late night cartoons before sleeping. I had that nagging feeling again, but I shrugged, not really wanting to see him, since I was so annoying. I stirred sugar into my cup mournfully. It had really hurt when he said that, but I didn't know why. Liam called me annoying before and it didn't bother me too much. Occasionally Ni and Z too, but coming from Harry, it was one of the worse feelings I ever had, like someone stabbed me in the heart.

I sat on the couch and sipped my tea, lost in thought. It would be another few days before I could see Eleanor. I missed her, a lot. She was perceptive about things, just like Zayn. ….Zayn! I put my cup down and pulled out my phone, dialing his number quickly.

He picked up right away. "Hello?"

"Hey, Zayn, can you help me with something?"

He yawned. "Sure, Lou. What is it?"

"I think Harry hates me, but I don't know why."

He chuckled. "Welcome to the club."

"No, he was jealous of you, because I hugged you when you came in."

"Really? That's why? Well..."

"What?"

"He sounds like he's really possessive of his best friend."

"Is that it, do you think?"

"I'm pretty sure."

I sighed in relief. "In that case, I'll talk to him tomorrow about it."

"You do that, Boobear."

"Shut up!" I barked into the phone.

"Good night," he laughed.

"Bye, Zayn," I huffed.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

I shook Niall as soon as the credits started rolling. He hummed and hugged me tighter. "Nialler, come on, wake up."

"No," he murmured.

I sighed and picked him up bridal style. Clearly, he was sleeping over. I looked at Zayn, slumped on the couch. I'd take care of him as soon as Ni was tucked in bed. I carried him up the stairs and into my bedroom. Stripping him down to his boxers, I lay him down and got him under the blanket (with difficulty), and tucked him in. "Ain," he groaned rolling over. "Olive-oo."

I grinned and shook my head. Typical Niall, dreaming about food. Did he even like olives? I went back down the steps and shook Zayn. "Come on, Malik, get up."

"What?" he grumbled, pushing me away.

"Go upstairs to the spare bedroom if you're going to sleep over."

"Leave me alone." He didn't budge.

"Zayn Jawaad Malik, if you don't get off my couch!"

"Fine!" He stomped up the stairs and I heard a door slam. He hated to be woken up, but it had to be done. I turned off the lights before going up to bed. I stripped down to my boxers and spooned against Niall, who was really quite warm. I whispered goodnight before letting sleep claim me.

–

"Li, wake up!" My eyes popped open as I felt knees in my stomach. "Come on, Li, I'm starving!"

I pushed him off of me. "Good morning, Niall."

He grinned beautifully; the sunlight streamed through the window, making his eyes sparkle like sapphires. "Good morning. Can you make me some chocolate-chip pancakes?" He pulled a puppy-dog face. "Please?"

I rolled my eyes. "Ni, you know how to cook. Why can't you make them yourself?"

He blushed and looked down. "Well...I...um..." I looked at him, puzzled. "I want you to make them, Daddy."

"Why?"

"Just...because." He bit his lip and avoided my eyes.

"Come on, Niall, tell me."

He took a deep breath. "Promise you won't judge me?"

"Of course not."

"I'm in love with Zayn." It came out as a whisper, but I caught every word and my eyes flew open.

"Really?" I tackled him with a hug. "No wonder you were so affectionate last night." I winked.

He blushed. "Yeah, but don't tell him. I don't think he feels the same way."

"You never know. But anyway, what does that have to do with me cooking you pancakes?"

"Maybe Zayn will be jealous of you feeding me?" He grinned hopefully.

"So wait, you want me to make you pancakes and spoon-feed you in front of Zayn because you like him and you're too scared to tell him?" He nodded. I sighed. "Fine. But it might not work."

He shrugged. "If it doesn't, I still get chocolate-chip pancakes." He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned. "I also have the perfect cover-up for you feeding me." I glanced at him. "You lost a bet to me and your punishment is feeding me breakfast."

I shoved him. "You're an evil leprechaun, you know that right?" He scowled and I laughed. "Alright, alright, breakfast." We showered and dressed and went to the kitchen, where Niall sat on the stool in front of the counter while I cooked. When they were done, I stacked them on a plate and poured syrup all over them before cutting them into pieces.

Niall licked his lips. "They look really good. I wish Zayn would hurry up."

"Me too." I took a bite and he stared at me in horror. I chuckled. "What? Are you mad?"

"How dare you eat my pancakes!"

"I made them! Plus, like you said, they smell good, and I'm hungry!"

"Good morning," a sleepy voice said from the stairs.

Ni's face lit up. "Good morning." He turned back to me and nodded. I sighed internally, but couldn't help smiling as he opened his mouth wide and I stuffed the food in.

"What's going on here. Li? Why are you spoon-feeding Niall?"

"Technically, I'm fork-feeding him." I stuffed more pancake into Ni's mouth. "I lost a bet, so this is what I have to do."

"I see," he said smoothly, jealousy glinting in his eyes. I tried not to smile as Niall quickly devoured the rest of the food. "No breakfast for me then?" he pouted.

"Of course you're going to have breakfast! You can eat with me. We'll have bacon, scrambled eggs and biscuits. How does that sound?"

"Great, as long as the bacon isn't pork."

"Nah, it's beef." I put Niall's plate in the sink and went to make my own breakfast...well, mine and Zayn's. I was cracking eggs into a bowl when two pale arms snaked around me. "Yes, Niall, what is it?"

"Can I have some of your breakfast too?"

I spun around, breaking the embrace. "No, no. Our deal was chocolate-chip pancakes, and that's what you got." I expected him to go off and sulk, or grab a snack, but he wrapped his arms tightly around my neck and kissed my cheek. I glanced at Zayn, who radiated envy, but tried to hide it.

"Please Lee-yum?" Blue eyes widened and pink lips pouted.

I chuckled and pressed my lips to his forehead. "No."

"Please? I'll love you five-ever."

I frowned. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes it does. It's longer than_ for_ever, see?"

"No, okay. Why don't you grab a snack and pop in a movie? I'm trying to cook."

"Because I want bacon!"

"I'll make it," Zayn said quietly, coming over to the stove and beating the eggs.

"Oh, you don't have to."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I want to. Now you, sit while I make you breakfast."

Niall smirked and sneaked up behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around the brunette's waist. "Can you make me some too, Z? Please?"

"No."

I watched, amused, as Ni kissed up his neck to his ear. "Please?"

Zayn shook him off. "I said no, you little Irish slut!" Niall jerked back like he'd been slapped, his cheeks flushing in what I guessed to be embarrassment. His eyes watered, full of hurt. "Wait, Niall, I'm sorry." The front door slammed shut.

"That was wrong, Zayn." I frowned at him.

"Yeah, I know." He looked regretful.

"Go to your room," came out of my mouth before I processed it.

He stared at me. "What?"

"I said go to your room." I pointed to the stairs. "I'll call you when everything's done."

"You can't be serious."

"Do I look like I'm joking? Go. Now." He sighed and I watched him retreat up the stairs, not starting breakfast until I heard his door shut.

–

_**Niall's POV**_

I didn't really want Liam's bacon. …..Okay, maybe I did, but that wasn't why I did that. I knew that eventually, Zayn would step in to make it himself, and he did. My arms went around his slim waist. "Can you make me some, too, Z? Please?"

"No," he said flatly. I grinned and took this perfect opportunity to kiss his neck. I liked it, more than I should have, so I did it again and again, trailing a path to his ear. "Please," I breathed, but I wasn't asking for breakfast, no. I wanted him to know how I felt, and to feel the same way. I wanted him to turn around, declare his love for me, bruise my lips with his and make love to me all night...or day, I suppose. But it didn't happen that way, of course not.

"I said no, you little Irish slut!" His harsh words snapped me out of my daydream and ripped my heart in two. I felt tears stinging in my eyes and I just had to get away from there. "Wait, Niall, I'm sorry." The door slammed behind me and I let a sob escape. How stupid was I for thinking he could actually care? Really stupid, apparently.

I walked aimlessly for a while, no real destination in mind, wiping tears away and trying to keep him out of my thoughts. I ran into a few fans who asked me what happened. I muttered an apology, stating that I didn't want to talk about it. I rushed away before any more questions could be asked, or before I had to sign anything. Loneliness ate away at my emotions, so I headed to Louis' flat, ringing the doorbell as soon as I arrived.

He opened the door and peered out. "Niall?" He looked shocked. "You look awful! What's wrong? Come in." I stepped inside. Something in the atmosphere felt really off; there was almost like a disturbance in the air, but I ignored it and went to sit on the sofa in the living room. "Tell me what happened, Nialler," he said softly, sitting beside me and putting his arm around me.

"It was my own fault. I shouldn't have made Liam do it." Tears poured down my face, despite my trying to stop them.

Lou panicked for a moment. "Is he alright? Was he hurt?"

"No," I smiled sadly. "I'm the only one in pain. I think Zayn hates me."

He scoffed, flipping his hair. "Don't be ridiculous, Ni. You two are best friends."

"I don't think so anymore." Despair tugged at my heart and I pulled my hair in agony. "What am I supposed to do? I didn't think he would react like that! I just wanted him to know, that's all!"

"You wanted who to know what?"

"Zayn!" I sobbed. "I just want Zayn to know how much I love him!" I completely broke down after that, crying my sorrows into Louis' chest. He rubbed my back and murmured comforting words until I stopped completely. There were a couple of times I thought I was done, but then I'd hear Zayn's words in my ears and lose it. It was already hard to know that the fans hate me, now my own best friend does. "Is Harry here?"

"I think so."

"Think so? Don't you know?"

"Nah. I was on the phone with Eleanor when he got home last night. He went right to his room and I haven't seen him."

I frowned. "Something's not right here, Lou. Shouldn't you check on him?"

"Harry doesn't want to see me," he mumbled, staring at his hands.

"Still!" I couldn't shake the weird feeling I was getting. "Something is definitely off. I'm going to go talk to him." I went up the steps and to his room. "Harry?" I knocked lightly on the door. "Harry, open up, I need to talk to you." There was no answer. Chills went up my spine as I opened the door. "Harry...?" I saw the bathroom door was open. "Harry, are you okay?" I went over and took in the scene in front of me. Blood. Bright red was all I saw, everywhere, all I could process. I stood in horrified shock before screaming at the top of my lungs.

**A/N: I know, I'm just the worst, aren't I? Another chapter, and still no clue what's going to happen *evil laugh* Oh how I love torturing you :D To make up for it, I will update as soon as I can, which will probably be another few days. I LOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH! REVIEW PLEASE! Let me know what you think is going to happen. Is Harry dead? What's up with Zayn? Where's this story going? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! **

**ALSO! This story is on OneDirectionFanfiction since they're threatening to take it off. It's the same title and username so...**

**Anywhoo, until next time, keep calm and Larry on!**

**~BooBearsLulu**


	5. Flatline

**A/N: Hi. Yes, I know you are anxious. Just wanted to let you peasants know I'm camping out for One Direction on the Today Show and I'm second in line. Fear me. I'm trying not to freak about it cuz they like chill fans. Anyway, this chap is shorter, but ehh, enjoy. xx**

_**Louis' POV**_

My eyes teared up as I stared at the wooden box that contained my best friend, my friend who did so much with me, for me. My brother. It became too much and I turned to Liam, who wrapped his arm around my shoulder while I sobbed mindlessly at the thought of never again seeing those cute dimples, never again hearing that goofy laugh, never again touching those shiny soft curls...

The box lowered into the dark hole, where he would lay forever. Most of the guests began to wander back to their cars. I, however, stared at the cold ground. "This isn't how I wanted it to end," I whispered.

"What?" Liam looked at me.

"This isn't what I wanted. Harry, please..."

"Louis, he can't hear you."

"No! I want him back! Harry, come on! It can't just end like this!"

Li pulled me into a tight hug. "I miss him too."

"No!" I tried pushing away, tried to get to him, but the boys grabbed me and dragged me away. "_No! Harry! HARRY, ANSWER ME, GODDAMMIT!" _They successfully got me back to the car where I broke down completely. "Harry..."

–

My eyes flew open and I looked around at the white walls in confusion. Wasn't I just in a car? My eyes landed on the hospital bed across from me. Oh yeah. I'm in a fucking hospital because my best friend tried to kill himself. Relief washed over me as I realized the graveyard was just a dream and he was still here and breathing. His skin was pale from losing so much blood, the natural shine was gone from his hair, his usually red lips were a dull pink, but he was breathing.

I twined his fingers with mine. "I'm sorry, Harry. You wouldn't be in here if I were a better friend to you. I don't know why you did this, but I know it had something to do with our fight earlier. I know I can be a bit obnoxious sometimes, but I honestly never knew it bothered you. If I could just take all of it back, I would. It's not worth this, not at all. I wish you would open your eyes, Haz. I miss them. It's been two days and you're still not awake. The doctors don't know why your brain won't respond. They think it could be psychological. Whatever it is that's going on, I promise to be there with you through it all. That's what best friends are for, right?" I kissed his hand and rested my head on his stomach. I smiled as I made out his heartbeat. It was weak, but it was there, and that's what mattered.

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

This was not working out. I flopped down on the bed. I'd been at the hospital with Louis until he told me to go home and get some rest, but he would stay there. I wondered why Harry did it. The doctors said he'd already been cutting himself because of older scars. I'd looked around at the other lads, all of us with the same question in our minds, how did no one notice?

I usually noticed things though. Like I noticed the way Liam and Niall flirt senselessly with each other. I think they know I'm jealous. It's true, I am. Every time they hug, kiss, touch, I go crazy and I just want to shout "HE'S MINE!" but of course, I don't because I'm not his. I'm not his because he doesn't love me.

Groaning in frustration, I rolled on my side. I'd made up with Niall at the hospital. He'd been crying on Liam, and I tried not to be jealous of that because Li is the most comforting, but it was hard. It was really hard. Man, this roller-coaster of life is crazy as hell.

–

_**Harry's POV**_

I always thought death would be better than living, but I just don't know about that. I look around and it's blackness everywhere. Also I feel heavy, like I weigh a ton, and I just want to lay down, but I can't.

….Is that a light in the distance? I have to find out. I'm trying to move, and I do, but every step I take is harder and harder. My feet are like lead. There's a place nearby that I could go to, I know I could, but it's even darker there and I'm scared. No, I want the light. It's difficult, but I must do it. So I soldier on.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

Niall whimpered and I knew he was having another nightmare. It was hard on him, finding Harry in the bathroom inches from death. He always was the most sensitive. I pulled him closer to me and rubbed his back. Still, he cried out and started to shake. "Niall, wake up." His fist flailed, punching me in the face. I rubbed my jaw. "Niall. Niall, wake up!" He tossed and turned fitfully, groaning. "NIALL WAKE UP!" I shook him.

His eyes popped open and he gasped, turning to me. "Li? Oh God, it was horrible!" He started crying. "I dreamed I was Freddie Kruger and I was hunting you all down and killing you and Harry was last and I went really slow with him and I tortured him and God, I'm just a horrible person!" he sobbed.

I shushed him, petting his hair. "You're not a horrible person. It was just a bad dream."

"But why? Why does this happen to me?"

I looked into his watery blue eyes, heartbroken. "It's your brain's way of dealing with what you went through, finding Harry and all."

"But I don't want any more nightmares!"

"I know, Nialler. And if I could, I would take it away from you. But I can't."

He squeezed me. "But you're here for me and that means a hell of a lot."

"It's because I love you."

"I love you too."

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"What time is it?"

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "About four."

"Will you make me a cup of tea?"

"Sure. Come on." We slipped out of bed and down to the kitchen. "Okay, what flavor would you like? I've got peppermint, ginger spice, cinnamon, green, pumpkin, jasmine, and citrus. And regular."

"Citrus please."

I nodded and made the tea, putting two lumps of sugar how he likes it. He smiled and thanked me. While he drank it, I really took in his face. Dark shadows were prominent on his pale skin under his tired eyes. The usual cheerful glint in them was gone, leaving only emptiness. Also gone was his appetite. "You hungry, Ni?" He shook his head. "You haven't eaten in days."

"I've eaten."

"Not enough, not nearly enough, and you know it."

He put his cup down and closed his eyes, rubbing his temple. "Please don't, Li. I know you care and all, and I know you're trying to help, but...don't."

"Okay." My heart sank as he finished his tea. "Do you think you're ready for bed now?"

"I don't think I'll be able to get back to sleep, so I'll just watch the telly. You go ahead though."

I frowned. "Are you sure?"

He nodded, walking away. "Yes. Goodnight, Liam."

"Night." I went back to my room and laid there, awake. The bed, and seemingly, the room, was much colder than before.

–

_**Niall's POV**_

Tired.

I can't sleep, or else I'll see things. Horrible things.

Hungry.

I can't eat, or I'll throw up everything, but Liam doesn't know that, and I'm so tired of lying to him about it.

So tired.

So so tired.

–

_**Harry's POV**_

I've been pushing and pushing as hard as I can, but I'm not going anywhere. The light is still as far as it was before. What to do now?

I look and the blackness is still there, beckoning me. It's the right thing to do. And I'm tired.

I succumb to the dark, to the sweet release, sweet freedom.

–

_**Louis' POV **_

I'm still here at the hospital. I'm tired as shit, and I probably look like shit, sitting here for three days in a row. But I have to be here for Harry. I can't stand to leave him again.

I think I'm drifting off when suddenly, the steady beep-beep-beep tallying Harry's heartbeats flatlines. I stare at the moniter, disbelievingly, before shouting. "HARRY, NO! HARRY, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! WHERE'S THE FUCKING NURSE? HARRY, GET BACK HERE YOU SON OF A BITCH, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!" A few nurses and doctors rush in, pulling me away. "YOU HEAR ME, HARRY? COME BACK! YOU CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE ME! GET OFF, DON'T TOUCH ME, PEASANT!" I scream at the nurse.

"Sedate him," another doctor nods at me.

"NO, DON'T COME NEAR ME! HARRY WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU BASTARD!" I am restrained, despite all of my efforts and a needle is shot into my arm. Quickly, my grief ebbs and unconsciousness overtakes me.

**A/N: Yes, yes, you hate me, I know. But you don't know what's going to happen, do you? Nope, only I do. *evil grin***

**Got to go now. Bye.**

**Love ya. xxx**

**~BooBearsLulu**

**P.S. REVIEW, and ... we'll see if Harry lives hehehehehehe *evil grin again***


	6. Makeup

**A/N: Hello, my darlings. Yes, yes, I know, you wanna read the chapter. I should let you know that if you don't hate me already, you're going to. LOVE YOU ALL. happy reading! xx**

**WARNING: eating disorder**

**(is that an actual warning? eh, whatever, just in case)**

_**Louis' POV**_

My eyes fluttered open. "Huh?" I looked around in confusion. I was lying, still fully clothed in a hospital bed. "What the hell?"  
"Nice to see your eyes again, Lou."  
"Liam? What the fuck happened?"  
He ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, the doctor sedated you because you were freaking out about Harry when he flatlined-"  
"HARRY FLATLINED? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, LIAM, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?" I jumped uoff of the bed and moved toward the door, but Liam pulled me back.  
"Wait, Lou-"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND AND HE'S DEAD. I WANT TO SEE HIM! WHERE IS HE?"  
"Louis, for God's sake-"  
"WHERE IS HE, LIAM?"  
"He's still in his room, but-"  
I made another move toward the door, but was stopped again before I could open it. "Let go of me, Liam," I spat through my teeth.  
"Louis, will you shut the hell up and listen to me? Harry-"  
"Harry's dead, I get it, okay. I just want to see him before they take him to the morgue."  
"But-"  
"JESUS CHRIST, LI! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"  
"Stop shouting at me! I'm just trying to tell you that-"  
"You know what, whatever you have to say can wait, okay? But Harry can't. I wasn't there for him when he needed me to be. His suicide is MY fault! I was supposed to be his best friend and I wasn't there when he was hurting the most." Tears cascaded down my face as the horrible truth set in. "If I would've just listened to him, none of this would have happened." I wiped away the wetness on my face impatiently. "I have to go see him, Li, okay? You don't understand."  
"You're the one who doesn't fucking understand." That caught my attention. Daddy never cursed, not unless he wad extremely pissed. "You know what, I was going to tell you, but now I'll just let you suffer...alone." He pushed past me to the door. "Oh, and by the way, you're not allowed to leave the room. Doctor's orders."  
"But Harry-!"  
"Shut up already, Lou. It's not like you can do anything about it anyway."  
"Li, where are you going?" I eyed him suspiciously. Something was up and he wasn't telling me what.  
"Don't worry about it. I'll be back later."  
"DAMN YOU LIAM PAYNE! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!"  
He easily held me back and signaled for a nurse. I fought as hard as I could, which wad pretty hard, considering I had bigger biceps. But my height definitely worked against me. Damn this being the shortest, I thought, grinding my teeth together. Pretty soon, some nurses came and forced me back onto the bed. "Mr. Tomlinson!" A doctor came in. "I understand your dire need to see your friend but you must calm down before you do."  
"Let me go!" I kept struggling. "Liam, how could you do this to me?"  
He shrugged. "it's for your own good. You won't listen to me about Harry. He's-"  
"JUST LET ME FUCKING SEE HIM!"  
The doctor pulled out a syringe. "This is going to sting a bit."  
"NO! JUST LET ME SEE HIM!"  
"You have to be emotionally stable before you can see Mr. Styles."  
"LIAM, DON'T LET HIM DO IT!"

He shook his head sadly. "Sorry, Lou. You won't listen and you really do need to calm down."  
"TRAITOR! YOU'RE A FUCKING SELLOUT, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!" I felt the needle intruding into my skin. "NO! HARRY!" I struggled, but it was useless and my consciousness faded. "Harry..."

_**Zayn's POV **_

I walked into the hospital and ran into Liam. "Hey, Li. How are you?"  
"Hey, Zayn." His arms wrapped tightly around me. "I'm fine. A bit tired though."  
I pulled back and took a good look at him. There were dark circles under his puffy eyes. His face looked a bit drawn. "Mate, you really should go get some sleep."  
He shook his head. "I can't leave Lou."  
I bit my lip. "How is he?"  
"The doctors had to sedate him again because he won't calm down."  
"Did you tell him about Harry?"  
"He wouldn't let me."  
I nodded. "Alright, well, you go home and shower, and I'll sit with Lou."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Li, you look like you're about to drop dead. I'm fine okay? I'll see you tomorrow."  
"As long as you're sure."  
"I told you, I'm fine okay?"  
"Alright. Thanks, Z."  
"Of course." I bit my lip as he walked away, debating whether or not to tell him. I wanted to slap myself. "No, Zayn. You can't do that at times like this." But I wanted to, and he deserved to know... I shook my head and walked to the lift. That would be wrong to do that. Another time would be better.  
"Hold the lift please!" Someone ran over and stepped inside. "Fifth floor please."  
It was the same floor as mine. I looked up into crystal blue eyes. "Niall?"  
He looked at me and stiffened. "Hello, Zayn."  
"It's been a while. How are you?"  
He stared straight ahead. "Fine."  
"Good." We got to the fifth floor and Niall ran out before I could even move. I felt bad that he was uncomfortable around me, just because I let my temper get the better of me that once. I sighed and headed to Louis' room, already occupied by a certain blonde. "We meet again."  
He looked at me with pure loathing. "What do you want?"  
"Contrary to whatever is going through that head of yours, I'm here to see Louis." "Good for you." He walked over to the window and I sat in the chair next to Lou's bed.  
"Niall, please talk to me."  
"I don't have anything to say to you."  
"Well, there's something I want to say to you."  
"Oh yeah? What is it?"  
I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry for what I said. It was childish and rude and you don't deserve to be treated that way."  
He turned to face me. "Really?"  
"Of course." His eyes watered. "Hey, no crying."  
"I'm sorry, it's just..." he threw his arms around my neck. "I missed you so much."  
"I've missed you too, Nialler."  
"I love you," he whispered.  
"I love you too." I pulled back and wiped tears from his face. "Are you hungry?" I knew how his appetite was.  
He slipped away. "No, I ate before I came."  
Something was off, I could feel it. "Oh? What did you have?"  
"Huh? Oh, um...I picked up a burger on the way here."  
I gave him the once-over. He looked unhealthy, extremely so. "You can't lie to me, Ni. When was the last time you ate?"  
He blushed, and I could tell he was getting angry. "I told you already, I got a burger!"  
"Did you get any chips with them?"  
"Of course I did!"  
"You can't lie to me, Niall! Why aren't you eating?"  
"Fuck off! I'm fine!"  
"That wasn't my question. When is the last time you ate?"  
He exhaled. "This morning," he said quietly. "I had waffles."  
"How many?"  
"Three."  
"That's it?" I was seriously starting to worry. "How big were they?"  
"They were your standard-sized waffles."  
I looked at my watch. It was nearly four in the afternoon. "What time did you eat them?" He bit his lip and didn't answer. "Niall?"  
"Seven."  
"Seven?! You haven't eaten in nine hours?!"  
He shrank away from me. "I'm not hungry."  
"Bullshit." I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room. "What floor is your cafeteria on?" I asked the nurse. She told me basement, so I took Niall and bought him a chicken salad and juice. "Eat it."  
He whimpered as he looked at it. "But I don't want it."  
"Niall, please eat. You're starting to lose weight. Please, at least try." He sighed and nodded, smothering the greenery in dressing and picking at the chicken. "I'll be right back okay?" He nodded again, taking a small bite. I kissed his forehead and walked to the little garden outside of the cafe, dialing Liam on the way.  
"Hello?" He sounded like he'd been sleeping.  
"Hey, Li. Did I wake you?"  
"Nah, I just got home. Why? What happened?"  
"I'm worried about Niall."  
"What's wrong?"  
"He hasn't eaten since seven this morning and so I bought him a salad and now he's just picking at it."  
He sighed. "I'm surprised he even ate this morning. It's a lucky thing to get him to consume anything other than tea and water."  
I couldn't believe my ears. "You mean this has been going on? For how long?"  
"Pretty much since he found Harry. He hasn't eaten or slept properly. I'm hoping this is just a stage but if he doesn't improve soon, I'm going to take him to a professional."  
"Sounds like a good plan." I bit my lip in worry. "I hope he gets better soon."  
"Me too. I don't want Nialler in the hospital."  
"Me neither. Well, listen, I love you and get some rest."  
"I love you too, Z. And I'll sleep after I shower."  
"Good. Talk to you later."  
"Yeah, see you."

_**Harry's POV **_

I don't know what happened. I'm in pain again. I went to the black place and it was better, a lot better. I can still see the ray of light, far ahead of me. But I don't want to go there. It's too bright. I like the darkness. It's comforting, but the light...the light is strange, foreign almost.  
I sigh, conflicted. Should I try to get back to the Blackness? Or should I press on to the light? The answer was obvious. Blackness of course. It was much easier there and I wasn't as confused. I only hoped this time, I could stay there.

_**Niall's POV **_

I sighed and flipped the grilled chicken over with my fork. I knew that Zayn wanted me to eat, but how could I tell him that was currently an impossibility? How could I let him know that whatever he tried to force into my body would just come right back up? I couldn't. Liam was worried enough about me for everyone.  
Zayn came back over to the table. God, he was gorgeous. I just wish I could tell him how much he really means to me. I try to, over and over, but I fail every time. He's just way too perfect for me. I banished the thought of telling him anything as he sat next to me and looked sadly at my full plate. "I just got off the phone with Liam. He's worried about you as well."  
"I know."  
"Why aren't you eating, Ni?"  
"I'm not hungry."  
"Why not?"  
I flinched at the question. I knew that they both just wanted to help, but it wasn't working. "I don't know. Just thinking about food makes my stomach turn."  
"Oh, Ni." He squeezed my hand. "Why didn't you tell anyone sooner?"  
"I was afraid of what would happen."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I don't want to be put into the hospital."  
"But Niall, it's bad that you can't hold your food in."  
"I know."  
"Are you sleeping at least?" Damn you, Zayn and your perceptive abilities. I didn't answer. "Niall? You aren't are you?"  
I lost it. "HOW THE FUCK CAN I? EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES, I SEE THINGS THAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE, THINGS I SHOULDN'T SEE!"  
He pulled me into a hug. "Shhh, Ni, it's okay. It's okay, love."  
I tried to calm myself down, tried to stop the flow of tears, but with all my effort, it was still a while before I could. When my mindless sobs stopped, he looked at me.  
"Niall, I want you to eat as much of this as you can. I know it's hard for you, but please try?"  
I bit my lip. "I don't think I can."  
"Would it help if I ate it with you?"  
"Maybe." I handed him the fork and he began to eat the salad. My stomach turned just watching him. He cut off a small piece of chicken and offered it to me. I shook my head. He pouted and pushed the fork closer to my mouth. I shook my head again and leaned away.  
"Niall," he said softly. I looked into his hazel eyes flecked with gold. "Niall, please eat it." He inches closer and all I could focus on was how beautiful he was. "Please? For me?" I'd do anything for that voice. I opened my mouth and took in the chicken, chewing it numbly. It tastes horrible to me, like everything else I would force down my throat, but I swallowed it nonetheless. "Thank you," he said, seeing my throat Adam's apple bob. I nodded and he offered me a piece of lettuce. I didn't want it, I was far from wanting it, but it was for Zayn, and like I said, I'd do anything for him. Pretty soon, the plate was empty, half in my stomach, half in Zayn's.  
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he smiled. I smiled back and shook my head, biting my lip to keep from throwing up right there. He kissed my forehead. "Good boy. I'm going back up to Lou's room, okay?"  
I just nodded, knowing that if my mouth opened, everything would come out. I cleaned up the table after he left, chucking everything into the garbage before running to the loo. I locked the door behind me and knelt in front of the toilet, hating my existence just for this.  
I opened my mouth and all of the salad came back up. I felt better afterward of course, as I flushed and rinsed my mouth out. I washed my hands and looked into the mirror above the sink. I looked terrible. It was a little obvious that I didn't sleep. The purple circles under my eyes were enough evidence of that. I was quickly losing weight as well, though I tried to hide that fact. I sighed and left thebathroom.  
"ALL HANDS TO ROOM 516. PATIENT FLATLINED. ALL HANDS TO ROOM 516 PATIENT FLATLINED" boomed from the speakers on the walls. I panicked. 516 was Harry's room number.

**A/N: Sooo? Do you hate me? Do you want to strangle me? Do you just want me to make Ziall happen? I know, I'm so deliciously wicked ;D Don't forget to review and let me know your thoughts.**

**Lots of love xxxx**

**~BooBearsLulu**


	7. Red

**A/N: Hi! I'm sure you're dead sick of me by now, aren't you? I love you though! I don't know what I'm talking about. I haven't properly slept in quite some time, so bear with me. You all are amazing for putting up with my horrible writing. Please do review, though, I quite enjoy it.**

**WARNING: eating disorder**

_**Harry's POV**_

I groaned and my eyes fluttered open. Everything was bright, much too bright, and everything hurt. I quickly shut my lids again, yearning for the pain-free darkness where I'd been. After trying for a little while, I realized there was no turning back, so I opened my eyes once again and looked around.

"Harry?" a voice whispered softly. Something brushed my hand. I looked up into shining blue eyes framed by long eyelashes. Light brown feathery hair rested on his forehead. I studied his face. He was really beautiful. I'd go as far as to say he was perfect. "Harry, you're awake."

"Are you an angel?" I asked him, pretty sure I had to be in heaven.

His eyes watered. "Don't you know who I am?"

"Are you here to take me to heaven?"

The tears spilled over and rolled down his cheeks. "No, Harry, we're friends."

"Why do you keep saying 'hairy?' Do I need a shave?" I touched my face, but only met smooth skin.

He gasped, even more tears coming out of his beautiful eyes. "Oh, God, Li, go get the doctor."

I was surprised to see another lad sitting there behind him, chestnut waves atop a cute face. "Oh, hello, there. Do you think I need a shave?"

His brown eyes darted to the boy in front of me. "No, I don't. I'm going to get the doctor to look at you now, okay?" he said before rushing out.

"So what's your name?" I asked the cutie.

He sniffled. "I'm Louis."

"Louis." The name had a nice ring to it. "I like it, it suits you."

"Thank you," came out in a whisper.

"Come on, Lou, don't cry," I grinned, taking his hand in mine. "You're too beautiful to cry."

"You think I'm beautiful?" He looked confused.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, you are, and anyone who thinks otherwise must be blind." For some reason, that made him cry even harder, though I could tell he was trying to be strong and hold it in.

"Hello, Harry, how are you feeling?" a loud voice came from the doorway.

I faced it, annoyed by being interrupted. "Why is everyone calling me 'hairy'? I don't understand! It's not like I'm covered in it!"

The man approached me, looking apprehensive. "Do you know who you are?"

"No, I don't know anything."

"You have no memory of anything?"

"Well..." I thought about if I should tell him of the place I was that I wanted to return to. "There was this kind of...darkness. I wanted to stay there, but I kept seeing light. Every time I would leave the light, something would pull me back. It was really annoying because I could feel pain in the light, when I couldn't feel anything when it was dark. Does that make any sense?"

He'd been taking notes on a pad while I was talking. "That makes perfect sense. And by the way, your name is Harry. That's why everyone keeps calling you that."

"Ohhh," I laughed at myself for being so stupid. "Of course! Now I see."

"Good, good. Now, Harry, if you don't mind, we need to do a few tests on you."

"Tests? What kind of tests?" I didn't like the way that sounded.

"Oh, don't you worry about that too much. You won't feel a thing. It will only take a little while, and then you can go home. Won't you like that?"

I was completely lost. "Where do I even live?"

"You live with me," Louis answered.

"We live together?" I was surprised. "Does that mean you're my boyfriend?"

He looked at the boy named Li, confused. "No, Harry. We're best friends."

"You mean, we aren't together? Or related?"

"No."

"Then why do I live with you?"

"We're best mates and we decided to move in together a little while ago."

"But why?"

He licked his lips (a luscious movement that got me a bit turned on), and glanced at Li again before the doctor stepped in. "May I speak to you in the hallway, Louis?"

"Yes." His eyes returned to mine. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Hurry," I called after him. The door shut and I stared at it, just wanting him to come back in and be with me.

"Harry?"

I looked up into chocolate brown eyes. "Oh, hello, Li! How are you?"

He seemed a bit startled, but chuckled all the same. "I'm fine. And how are you feeling?"

"I'm a bit confused."

"Why?"

"Because I don't understand how I live with such a beautiful boy but he isn't my boyfriend. How stupid was I? Or am I, should I say?"

"You're not at all. See, Louis has a girlfriend."

"A girlfriend?" I wasn't happy about that at all. "You mean...he already has someone to love?"

"Yes."

I scratched the top of my head over that one. "Do I have a girlfriend as well?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Um, no, you don't."

"Why isn't Louis living with his girlfriend?"

"Her name's Eleanor, and it's because she's in Uni."

"Do I go to Uni?"

"No," he smiled.

"Then what do I do?"

"You're in a band."

"A band?"

"Yes, with me, Lou, and two other blokes."

I could hardly believe it. "Are we any good?"

"Well, seeing as we get more and more popular every day, I'd like to think so. We're quickly becoming worldwide."

My eyes widened. "That's so cool. Are you sure it's me?"

He laughed, but it was endearingly. "I'm positive, Harry."

I shrugged and looked toward the door again, willing for my angel to come and take me away. I would make him mine if it were the last thing I'd ever get to do.

–

_**Louis' POV**_

Nothing. He could remember nothing. It hurt. It hurt a lot worse than I thought it would. He called me beautiful and stared at me with those shiny green eyes, no sign of recognition in them, but plenty of adoration. I didn't understand that part. He didn't want to take any tests, I could tell that much.

"Where do I even live?" He looked around hopelessly.

"You live with me," I told him, trying not to cry again.

"We live together?" He looked genuinely shocked, with something like hope twisted in. "Does that mean you're my boyfriend?"

I glanced at Liam. Was he just talking out of his head or what? Surely Harry wasn't gay... "No, Harry. We're best friends."

His face fell. "You mean we aren't together? Or related?"

"No."

"Then why do I live with you?"

_Holy shit_, I thought. _How am I going to explain myself out of this one? _"We decided to move in together a little while ago."

"But why?"

It took everything I had not to grab him and shake him until he remembered something, but I knew it wasn't his fault he didn't know me. I was kind of glad he didn't remember the fight, but I do wish he remembered everything else.

"May I speak to you in the hallway, Louis?"

My knees went weak in gratefulness. "Yes." I looked at Harry again. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Hurry!" he responded as the door closed, sounding desparate.

"So, what's going on, Doc?"

"Well, it's just as I predicted. He can't remember a thing."

"But why is that?"

"Didn't you notice that his head is bandaged? He must have hit it on the side of the tub somehow. I had to shave the hair and put in eight stitches."

I winced. "Will his memory come back?"

"Perhaps over time, but there's really no guarantee as of this point. That's what the tests will hopefully reveal."

I nodded. "So when I take him home, what should I do? I mean, is there special kind of care he needs?"

"I'd say just keep him comfortable, and around people and things that he loves. It may trigger his memory, and bring it back. If there are no more questions, you can return to the room, and I will be in in just a few."

I nodded and went back inside. Harry's face lit up the moment he saw me. "Lou," he breathed.

"Hello, Harry. How do you feel?" I sat beside the bed.

"Much better now that you're here."

I looked up at him, his green eyes sparkling. "Why is that?"

He shrugged. "You're special." He leaned in, wrapping his good arm, the one not bandaged, around my neck. I thought I might burst from all of the emotions I felt at once, as I hugged back, a tear escaping, just missing my Hazza.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

I entered my flat with a sigh, glad to finally be away from the hospital. Niall lay on the couch watching the telly. "Hey, Ni."

He looked up at me and smiled tiredly. "Hey, Li. How's Harry?"

I sat down in front of his stomach and kissed his forehead. "Well, he's awake, finally."

His face lit up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't remember anything."

"Nothing?"

"Not a thing. Not the band, not Louis...he didn't even know his name."

"Yikes."

"Yeah." My eyes gave him the quick once-over. His eyes were red, the circles underneath them standing out. He's also lost a lot of weight, signs that he still wasn't sleeping or eating. "Niall..."

But He noticed my staring. "Stop it, Li. Not right now, please."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Do you want me to call Zayn over?"

Pink lips pouted. "But I'm not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate?" He mumbled under his breath. "I can't hear you, Ni."

"Yesterday morning."

I frowned. It wasn't the worst answer I'd heard, but still. "When Zayn was here?" He nodded. "Niall, you can't keep doing this, you have to eat. I'm calling Z right now. This is ridiculous." I dialed Zayn and asked him to come feed Niall, as he was the only one who could get Niall to eat (surprise, surprise). He agreed and said he'd be there in a few minutes. I was curious as to what his method was, but of course, I didn't pry. "Listen, Ni, I'm beat. I'm going up to bed, okay? I love you."

"I love you too."

I kissed his forehead again and went up to my room, gratefully stripping and jumping in bed for a long overdue sleep.

–

_**Niall's POV**_

Zayn was coming. Oh God. My stomach turned at just the thought. I knew that he'd get me to swallow food, but I didn't want to. It just came right back up as soon as he left, anyway. It's not like I never _tried_ to eat. I did, all the time. But my body wouldn't have it. I knew it was unhealthy, and that I'd eventually die, but I didn't want to go to the hospital...

"Hey, Nialler, how are you?" Zayn's voice startled me until I remembered that Li gave him a key so he'd check up on me.

I tried for a smile. "Fine."

"No you're not. Li said you haven't eaten since yesterday morning."

"I'm not hungry," I said a little impatiently.

"You need to eat. It's not a choice, it's a must. I'm making you a spaghetti dinner." It'd been so long since I had a good Italian dish. Harry was, of course, the best cook, but Zayn wasn't half bad either. I sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen in front of me, chewing on my lip. There was no way I'd be able to keep spaghetti down. No fucking way.

He came back over to the couch with a steaming bowl of pasta. "Dinner is served. Spaghetti a la Zayn. Complete with meatballs and Parmesan cheese." Cheese? My stomach rolled, and I knew there was no way I'd make it through. "Do you need me to feed you again?" He asked it softly, his hazel eyes wide and caring. I nodded without even thinking. I sat up so he could sit too, and he pulled me into his lap. That was a first...not that I'm complaining or anything.

So I sat, still gnawing on my lip as he made a small fork-full for me and held it up to my lips. The smell hit my nostrils and I held back a gag. "Niall..." I turned to look at him and he pouted. I swear, he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I opened my mouth, chewed and swallowed, focusing on him the whole time so I wouldn't have to taste it. He grinned when my mouth was empty and pressed his lips to my cheek. "Here comes another." I already wanted to puke, but I held it back over and over until the bowl was empty. "There we go! Think you could hold some more?" I quickly shook my head. I loved Zayn, but there was absolutely no way I could sit through another bowl. He chuckled. "Okay, then, I'll just clean everything up."

He pushed me gently off his lap, but that small movement triggered my gag reflex. "Wait for me right here, and we'll watch a movie, okay?" I nodded, dying a little. A movie. He wanted to watch a movie? I was trying to think of how to get to the bathroom without it looking suspicious or raising alarm. I opened my mouth and my stomach hurled, so I quickly shut it again.

Zayn came back looking cheerful. "Okay, what should we watch? Are you in the mood for drama, comedy, or horror?" I shrugged. "Come on, Ni, you must have some idea." I shook my head and he frowned. "Alright, I'll pick one." He held up Nightmare on Elm Street and I thought I would faint. "How does this look?" I nodded, just to appease him and he put it on before cuddling up next to me.

My stomach rolled impatiently. I needed to empty it. "I have to use the bathroom," I managed to say, rather calmly. He simply pulled away and I all but ran upstairs to the toilet. We had a bathroom downstairs of course, but I couldn't puke in front of Zayn. I ran into the loo in the guest room and lifted the seat. I absolutely loathed myself for this. I let my emotions take over as I emptied my dinner into the squeaky clean marble. Everything came out red and I tried not to panic, but I did, I did panic, and all of a sudden, it wasn't red bile in front of me, it was Harry's blood.

I looked down and saw Harry's body sprawled lifelessly in front of me, blood pouring from slashes across his body. I gasped and raised my hand to my face to stifle it, when I saw three blades, smeared with blood protruding from between my knuckles. I screamed then, louder and louder, until nothing made any sense anymore. Someone grabbed my wrists. "NO!" I yelled in protest, sure they were dragging me to jail. "I DIDN'T DO IT! HARRY!" I couldn't see anything, my vision was only red, a bright, disturbing red that, as my screams died down, slowly faded into black.

**A/N: Do you want to strangle me? Well, at least you know Harry's alive, am I right? *wink wink***

**Pardon my craziness. Insomnia's not easy to deal with. **

**What happens now?**

**Will Niall be okay?**

**Will Harry's memory ever return?**

**Will Louis just see the damn light already?**

**Review pls :)**

**~Lulu xx**


	8. Mischievous

**Hey guise! How's it going? How was your holiday? I hope it was well :) Anyways, in the holiday spirit, I decided to give you another chapter! Yaaaaaaay! :D Ummmm...no Niall in this one. Larry if you squint. Love you, happy reading, and REVIEW!**

**WARNING: eating disorder**

_**Zayn's POV**_

I popped in the movie and snuggled up to Niall. He's really sort of a teddy bear. I don't know how long it was that we sat there and Ni started squirming. "I've got to use the bathroom." So that's what it was. I just pulled away and watched him run up the stairs, wondering why he didn't just use the one down here, unless...

No way. I pushed that thought out of my mind and focused on the movie again, at least until I heard Niall scream. "Ni, are you okay?" I called out, but he only screamed again. I got upstairs as quickly as my legs would take me, skipping the stairs two at a time. My heart was hammering in my chest as I followed the noise into the guest bedroom and private bath to see Ni sitting on the floor, just screaming at the top of his lungs. "Niall," I said, wondering if it was a joke. "Come on, calm down, buddy." I grabbed his wrists and dragged him out of the bathroom.

"NO, I DIDN'T DO IT! HARRY!"

"Niall, what are you going on about?" I took his face in my hands but he'd already passed out. "Niall? Ni, talk to me man. Shit."

"Is everything alright?" Liam appeared at the door in nothing but boxers, rubbing his eyes.

I would have been distracted if I weren't so worried. "No. Niall was in the loo just screaming his head off. I thought I'd set him on the bed and calm him down. He screamed 'no, I didn't do it,' and Harry's name before blacking out. I don't know what happened."

Liam crossed to the bathroom and looked inside. "Oh God. I think I know why he hasn't been eating."

"Why not?"

"Because he's been throwing it all up, it looks like."

"What?"

"He might be bulimic."

"Niall? But how? Why?"

"Post traumatic stress, which means he needs a doctor, now." Li sighed tiredly. "Lou, I have to call you back, okay...What?...I swear you are the most selfish person on the...JUST TAKE HIM TO FUCKING NANDO'S, I DON'T CARE! I HAVE TO GO, GOODBYE!" He hung up the phone I didn't see him holding.

"I can take him, Li, you get some sleep."

He frowned at me. "Do you honestly think I could sleep knowing this is happening?" I tried to protest, but he ignored me. "Call an ambulance and I'll get dressed." I made the call and flushed the toilet, suddenly depressed, one question plaguing my mind: _Why didn't he ever tell me?_

–

_**Harry's POV**_

The man in the white lab coat was right, the tests didn't take long at all. Soon enough, I was in the car with Louis heading back to our flat. I hummed a tune to myself and looked out the window. "This is a beautiful scene."

"Yes, that's why we chose it."

"You mean we looked together?"

"Yes." He sounded like he was going to cry again. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry that I can't remember anything. If I could, I would be exactly how I was before. Since I can't, I'll just be everything that you want me to be."

"Don't you dare apologize. None of this is your fault."

"How did I end up in the hospital anyway?"

He looked suddenly nervous, licking his lips again, and I found myself wishing he were mine so I could lean forward and take his tongue into my mouth...but I couldn't, so I just sighed and enjoyed the view. "Well...um...I don't know quite how to say this..."

"Take your time."

"Right. Well, um...you were self-harming, Harry."

"What do you mean?"

"You were cutting yourself, and one day, you went too far and passed out, hitting your head on the tub. That's why you can't remember anything."

"But if I was cutting, that means it _was_ my fault. What made me so depressed, I wonder."

"It's not your fault, it's mine." He rubbed his temple. "We had a...fight. It was rather nasty; it didn't end well. I called you...names and yelled at you over something really stupid. I'm so sorry, and I wish I could take back all those words..."

"It's okay, Lou. I'm sure I wasn't that angry with you."

"Why do you say that?"

I pinched his cheek. "You're too cute to stay mad at."

He blushed under my touch. "Stop it, Harold." He swatted my hand away, but I just smiled cheekily as we pulled into a driveway.

"What? I'm only expressing my love for you.

"I love you too. Now come on in, I'll show you how everything's set up."

"Wait, do you really love me?"

He stared. "Of course."

"Prove it."

"How?"

"Kiss me." He leaned in and pressed his lips to my cheek and I laughed. "Not there, ya silly goose! Right here." I puckered, but he frowned.

"Harry, I can't kiss you there. I have a girlfriend. Besides, you're not gay, and neither am I."

"I am so gay. I must be. I'm in love with you."

He patted my cheek and sighed. "Harry, you don't know what you're saying. Come on inside and I'll show you how I've set everything up."

I shrugged and followed him inside. "Lovely place, this is," I said, looking around. The living area was spacious, light and open with crème-colored walls and brown leather sofas. I sighed as I sank into one. "Oooohhh, comfy!"

Louis snorted. "Right. Come on, then, I'll show you your room." He took me up to a fairly large room, light blue wall paint, navy sheets on the bed. "That's the closet, it's walk-in, and that's-uh-the bathroom."

I didn't care a wit about the room. "Can't I stay with you?"

"What do you mean? You are staying with me."

"I mean, can't I sleep with you?"

His eyebrows pulled together. "What the hell is up with you today? You keep hitting on me, calling me beautiful, asking me to kiss you...are you feeling alright?"

"I'd feel better if you did kiss me." I puckered again.

He shook his head. "I already told you, I can't do that, Harry. I have a girlfriend."

"If you didn't would you do it?"

"No, because I'm not gay, and you aren't either, so stop acting like it!"

I could tell he was getting angry, and it was really kinda scary. "I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around him. "I never meant to offend you or anything. I just really like you, and I wanted you to like me too, but that's selfish because you love someone already."

"Thank you, Harry." He melted into the embrace, ruffling my hair in the process. "Apology accepted. Now, are you hungry? I can call Liam to make you dinner." I nodded as my stomach growled, but he just laughed. "Okay. You can watch the telly if you want, or play a video game or...just do whatever. I'll be right back."

As he walked away, I could feel something inside me breaking. I don't know whether it was my heart, or what, but I knew that if I kept on pursuing him the way I was, I would lose him for good, and I didn't want that. No. It's best to stay quiet, and keep my feelings to myself. For Louis to be happy, my feelings must be irrelevant. I must keep them hidden for my own good.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

I was at this same hospital just this morning, leaving, thinking I was free to go back home and finally get some rest. But of course I couldn't. And why not? Because One Direction can't keep themselves out of trouble for shit. Don't get me wrong. I don't blame Niall or Harry for anything. It would just be nice for Daddy to not have to worry for once...

But that doesnt' matter. What matters is what happened at the hospital. "How is he, Doc?" I asked, hoping he could somehow be saved, and feeling like an idiot for not seeing how bad it was before.

"Well, Mr. Payne, it could be worse. I need to ask you a few questions before I can give you a full diagnosis. Now, has Niall been through anything...troubling...lately?"

"Well...yes. He found our friend Harry when he tried to kill himself."

"I see. Were Niall and Harry close?"

"Yes, we all are."

"I see. How was his diet?"

I sighed. "Niall would never eat anything. He would just say he wasn't hungry. If I asked him why, he would just shrug. It got to the point where he wouldn't consume anything but water, because he stopped drinking tea. Zayn was the only one who could get him to eat, but from the looks of it, he just threw it up anyway."

"I see. Well, Mr. Payne, from all the information I gathered, Niall seems to have developed a severe case of bulimia derived from post-traumatic stress disorder. It will take a few more days in the hospital as well as some time spent in a recovery center for him to be fully healed."

"Wait, a recovery center? But...but we're going on tour soon! We can't just cancel it! What about the fans? I can't let them down!"

"Mr. Payne, I understand your anxiety and worry. Perhaps after a few days here, he will be able to go home with you, against my better judgement. However, if you do take him home, he must be handled with great patience. His body is fragile at the moment, and his mind may be as well."

I swallowed and nodded, feeling suddenly old and very tired. "I understand. Thank you, doctor." I walked into Niall's hospital room and sat next to Zayn, who looked at me anxiously.

"Well? How is he? What's wrong?"

"Just what I thought. PTS and bulimia."

"I wonder why he never told us he was throwing up?"

We stared at Ni's thin, slumbering figure, perplexed. "No idea, man. No idea."

–

_**Louis' POV**_

I didn't know what was up with Harry. That day alone, he called me beautiful, asked for a kiss twice, and asked why we weren't together. I accepted his apology and ruffled his hair, hoping the whole thing was over because it was making me uncomfortable. "Are you hungry? I can call Liam to come make us some dinner." He nodded and his stomach growled. "Okay," I laughed. "I'll go call him." His eyes burned into my back as I walked away. Shaking my head, I pulled out my phone and walked down the stairs as I dialed Liam.

He answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hello, Li! How are you? Listen, I know you're probably tired and all, but can you come over and make dinner? Harry's hungry and you know what a terrible cook I am."

"No, I won't cook for you, Louis, you lazy arse. Just take him to a restaurant or something."

"But I don't want to," I whined.

"I don't care. I'm tired and I want to sleep!"

"But, he keeps hitting on me and asking me for kisses, and it's really weirding me out!"

"Louis. I don't give a flying fuck. I'm fucking tired. Don't forget I stayed nights at the hospital so you could go home and sleep. I'm tired. Goodbye."

"But-"

"_Louis!_ Enough about this now! You may be the oldest, but you whine like a baby. I said-" he was cut off by a high—pitched scream in the background. "That sounds like Niall. I swear, if Zayn played a horror movie..." I cringed. Niall didn't take to scary movies too well. The scream sounded again. "Oh shit. I think it's coming from the guest room. Hold on, Lou." There was a lot of shuffling. "Is everything alright?" More shuffling. "Oh God. I think I know why he hasn't been eating...He's been throwing it all up, it looks like...he might be bulimic...post-traumatic stress, which means he needs a doctor _now._ Lou, I have to call you back, okay?"

"But-but..."

"What?"

"How am I going to feed Harry? I need you to cook."

"I swear you are the most selfish person on the-"

"But I don't want to be alone with him, but he's hungry, and there's no food in the house, and I can't cook, so what am I supposed to do?" I really was whining.

"JUST TAKE HIM TO FUCKING NANDO'S, I DON'T CARE! I HAVE TO GO, GOODBYE." And he hung up on me, just like that, leaving me with Mr. Creepy upstairs.

I sighed and put my phone away. "Harold! Liam can't come, so we're going to Nando's!"

He came down a minute later, looking curious. "What's Nando's? What is that?"

"A restaurant," I grumbled. "Let's just go." I locked the door behind us as we left. I always said to be a bit mischievous, but I never wanted my life to take that advice, especially not to this extreme.

**Well? Love it? Hate it?**

**Wanna strangle me?**

**Wish Larry would just happen?**

**Wish I would just let everything be cool? (no can do MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)**

**Please review and tell me what you're thinking! **

**Much love.**

**~Lulu xx**


	9. Bulimia

**A/N: Hey, guys. My internet access is limited right now, but I'm almost done the next chapter, and I will update ASAP, I promise! Enjoy!**

_**Niall's POV**_

I opened my eyes, blinking fast at the sudden brightness. "Niall?" I turned toward the voice, smiling weakly when I saw Zayn standing there. "You okay?" I nodded.

"What happened?"

"You...uh...passed out in the bathroom."

"Where am I?" I looked around at the unfamiliar white walls, but they looked odd, lines crisscrossing, leaving a diamond-like pattern, the spaces in between looking puffy, as if they were- "Padded? Are those walls _padded?_"

"Yeah." Zayn shifted uncomfortably. "See, you um...we brought you to the hospital, and they put you into the mental ward."

"Mental ward? But...why?"

"Um..." he looked at his shoes. "You have post-traumatic stress disorder, and they didn't want you to hurt yourself."

I looked around. The only objects in the room were the chair bolted to the floor near the bed I was lying on. No window, or heart monitor. "How could I? What happened anyway?"

"Well..." He looked into my eyes then, his hazel ones full of hurt. "Why didn't you tell me you had bulimia?"

"I don't!"

"Yes you do! And even if you didn't think so, you still knew you were throwing up. Why didn't you tell someone? You could have came to me, or Liam. Hell, you could've even told Louis' sorry arse!"

I cringed. "I'm sorry, Z."

He sighed. "I know, Niall. But now...now we might have to cancel the tour."

"WHAT? Not because of me?" I was horrified beyond belief. "It won't happen again! I'm better I promise!" I grabbed onto his jacket. "They can't cancel the tour! What about all the fans? What happens to them?"

"Niall, it's not just you. It's also Harry. It's been three days already, and he still remembers nothing."

I frowned. "I've been out for three days?"

"The doctors did it. They didn't want you going into shock or something like that."

"But I am in shock!" I buried my face into his chest. "This is too much for me to handle."

He stroked my hair. "It'll be okay, Ni, I promise. But if anything like this ever happens again, you have to let someone know, okay?"

"Okay, I promise," I mumbled. "Where's Liam?"

"He went to eat. We've been taking shifts. How do you feel?"

"Fine."

"Are you hungry?" I shook my head, and he sighed. "They've been trying for days to get your system to accept something besides the fluid nutrients, but your stomach won't have it. You just puke."

"I've been puking in my sleep?"

"Yeah, I guess. That's what the doctors said anyway." Tears leaked from my eyes. "Niall? What happened, what's wrong?"

"I _hate_ myself!" I cried, finally admitting it.

"What?"

"I'm fat...ugly...and..._queer!_"

"Wait...what? You're gay?" I nodded, sobbing into my hands, expecting him to turn on me in disgust, but instead he pulled me into a tight hug. "Niall, you're not fat, you're far from ugly, and it's okay that you like lads."

"I've just ruined everything!"

"No you haven't." He stroked my hair until the crying stopped and was replaced by hiccups. He took my face in his hands. "Niall, please never think those things about yourself. You're the most beautiful human being I know. You're a smart, kind, sweet, beautiful, hilarious leprechaunand it's nothing less than an honor to know you."

"Zayn, you're..._you're so sweet!_" I started bawling again (I had no idea why I was so emotional). I threw my arms around him. "I love you so mu-u-uch!"

"I love you too, Nialler."

"Well, well, Mr. Horan, you're awake!"

I looked up and saw a doctor standing at the foot of my bed. I hadn't heard a door open... "Yeah," I sniffed.

"Don't mind any of the crying, it's just a side effect of the medications. Now, Mr. Horan, how are you feeling?"

"I'm tired."

"Hungry?" I shook my head and he scribbled something on a little pad. "Right. I'll send the nurse to take your vitals." He walked to the farthest wall and pulled open a seemingly nonexistent door.

I yawned. "I'm so sleepy, Zayn."

"You have to wait for the nurse, Ni."

"I...can't..." My eyes closed again, my body yearning not to feel anything.

–

_**Harry's POV**_

It was right there. I could feel it, but I couldn't put it into thought. I stared at Louis all day trying to figure it out. He noticed. "What?"

"You...you have another name, don't you?"

"What?"

"A name! You have a nickname!" I nearly yelled in frustration.

"I have a few nicknames, Harry."

"Yes, but I don't think you like this one." He froze in what could only be horror. "I remember your other ones, Lou, Tommo...but I can't remember this one. It starts with a 'b' I think..."

He blushed. "Oh, you don't have to remember it, it's not important."

"Everything about you is important, boobear." My eyes flew open as he flinched. "That's it! You're boobear!"

"_Please_ don't call me that, Hazza."

I only grinned. "I couldn't care less what you want me to call you. I finally remembered something! Isn't that great?"

"It's wonderful. I'm going to make a sandwich." He headed to the kitchen.

"Can you make me one too, boobear?" I snickered.

"No!" He did, though, and we sat on the couch and watched the Inbetweeners on the telly as we ate them.

I took a large bite, but it was...off, like something was mising. "Is this turkey and cheese?"

"Yeah."

"You forgot to put oregano." He only stared at me. "Don't look at me like that! You call yourself my best friend, you should know how to make my sandwich." I went to the kitchen to grab the oregano myself. "I've never done that to any of your food, have I? No. I always season everything to perfection because it tastes better that way!" I sat back down next to him and he was still staring. "And you know I like my turkey and cheese toasted! So if you weren't going to toast it, you could have at least seasoned it, you know?" His wide eyes were still trained on me. "What the hell are you looking at?"

"Oh my God, it worked!"

"What worked?"

He looked suddenly smug. "You've always hated for me to not make your sandwich right, so I thought if I screwed up, it might trigger something, and I was right!"

The realization of what just happened dawned on me. I'd remembered. "You prick."

"You're welcome."

I ruffled his hair and laughed, believing what I said earlier even more. He was much too cute to stay mad at.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

The doctors had transferred Niall to the mental ward in case he woke up with a "mental instability." I tried telling them that no matter what, Nialler wasn't like that but of course, they didn't believe me. So that meant sitting outside in the waiting room with Zayn for God knows how long. I got so restless, I made the excuse of getting lunch just for something to do. I wasn't even hungry, but I made myself eat. The last thing anyone needed was for me to end up next to Niall...

I couldn't put it off forever, though. I sighed as I entered Niall's floor from the lift. "How is he?" I asked Zayn as I went in the waiting room.

"He woke up, finally," he said, looking up at me.

"Did he? That's good. Did he say anything?"

"Well, um...he was really emotional, and the doctor said it was from all the medication. I'm still worried about him."

"What's bothering you really?" I rubbed my eyes. Man, I was tired.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You're talking around something, Z."

He looked suddenly nervous. "Well, it's just...Ni's gay."

I blinked. "I know, he told me."

"He did?"

I nodded, yawning. "Mm-hmm. He even told me who he likes."

"Who?"

"I can't tell you that, Z. I promised I wouldn't."

"Tell me, Li, please? You told Ni about Harry's crush!"

I looked him straight in his hazel eyes. "When I say I'm not going to tell anyone," I pointed towards Niall's room, "my best friend doesn't count."

He frowned. "I thought I was your best friend."

"You are. But...I don't know, I feel closer to Niall. No offense, of course."

"None taken."

I could tell he was offended, so I put my arm around him. "I love you, Zayn, okay? And no Nialls or Lous or Harrys will change that."

He snuggled into my shoulder. "I love you too, Li."

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

Li's arm was heavy around me. "I love you, Zayn, okay? And no Nialls or Lous or Harrys will change that."

I couldn't resist cuddling up to him, though, he was so damn comfortable. "I love you too, Li." _If only you knew how much._

My phone buzzed. I pulled it out. It was a text from Lou. Why would he text me? He hasn't in a while. Curiosity drove me to open it. _Harry finally remembered something. Lou x_

I quickly typed back. _What was it? -Z x_

He replied instantly. _That my mum calls me boobear -_- -Lou x_

I had to stifle my laugh. He'd hated me for revealing that particular secret to the world in that one video. "I'm the Bradford Bad Boy," I'd said.

"And I'm the Swag Master from Doncaster," Lou had said, playing cool.

"But his mum calls him boobear," I smirked. By the look he gave me, if looks could kill, I would have died on the spot.

I texted back. _Aw, poor Lou. ;D -Z x_

_Don't "poor Lou" me, you cunt! I could kill you! It's all your fault, you know! You were the only one there when she said that! I never want to see your ugly face again. -Lou_

_I love you too, Loubear! -Z xxx_

_ I don't want your filthy kisses, peasant. -Lou_

_ Okay, but I don't do blowjobs for free. -Z x_

_ WHAT? THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT I MEANT! -Lou_

_ Dude, I was kidding, relax. -Z x_

_ Yeah, I knew that. -Lou_

_ I would never touch Harry's property ;P -Z x_

_ fuck you -Lou_

_ Don't do that for free either ;D -Z x_

_ You are the most disgusting pig I've ever had the displeasure to know. -Lou_

_ Just for that, I'm going to give you a big wet kiss when I see you. -Z xxx_

_ KEEP YOUR DIRTY LIPS AWAY FROM ME! -Lou_

_ Pucker up ;-* -Z_

_ I refuse to speak to you any longer. -Lou_

_ Lol, see you later -Z x_

He didn't reply and I turned to tell Li about our conversation, but he'd fallen asleep, poor guy. His wavy brown hair fell just onto his forehead, the back of his head against the wall behind us. I let my eyes wander completely over his face, from his beautiful forehead to his perfect nose to those (oh God) _luscious_ red lips, right down to the birthmark near his throat. The smooth skin of his neck was just waiting to be bitten, begging to be bruised...

I shook my head fast and turned away. It probably was by Danielle, and never would be by me. I sighed and banished her from my thoughts, imagining it was just the two of us. I laced my fingers through his and rested my head in the crook of the neck I longed to demolish. Maybe one day, I would...

–

_**Louis' POV**_

Zayn's such an arse, I don't know how I even manage to deal with him. How dare he call me Harry's property! I'm no such thing! I'm nobody's property! Not even...wait, does Eleanor count? Probably. Okay, fine, other than Eleanor, I'm nobody's property! And that kiss! Ugh, he'd better not come near me. I won't let him. I'll tell Harry not to let him come close.

Speaking of the devil, ever since he remembered that fun little fact, he called me boobear all the time. It was really annoying. I had to remind myself to be patient because he was excited to have a teeny part of his memory back. I had to remind him that I understand how proud he is, but I absolutely loathe that name. That was why I texted Zayn in the first place, to yell at him again, but of course, he only pissed me off more, the goofball.

I chucked my phone onto the carpet and sat on the sofa, my feet tucked sideways, to watch Skins, when Harry came over, green eyes wide, and asked to cuddle. I opened my arms immediately. It doesn't show much, but I'm a bit of a cuddlebug. He crawled between my legs, pressing his back to my chest and lay his head on my arm, resting on the arm of the couch. It was just getting to the good part when suddenly, Harry flipped around and started tickling me.

"H-Harry! Stop!" I giggled madly. "Stop it! Stop! I can't...breathe!" The logical response was, of course, to tickle him back, which I did and we rolled off the sofa. I landed on top and straddled him, wiggling my fingers into his torso.

"Stop!" He tried pushing and slapping my hands away. "I can't take it! Oh God!"

"So now that you know how it feels," I rested my arms on either side of his head, "you won't try that again, will you?" He shook his head and bit his lip. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just..." he frowned slightly.

"What?"

He grabbed my face and kissed me, his warm lips pressing into mine almost desperately.

I pushed him away. "Harry! What the hell!" I stood up, wiping my lips. "What the bloody _hell_ was that?"

He looked horrified. "I'm sorry, Lou! I...I didn't mean to!"

"You don't just go around kissing people, Harry! Especially not your best friend! God, what were you thinking?"

"Sorry!" He ran upstairs and I heard a door slam. I would have been worried if I hadn't removed every razor from his room and kept them in a locked drawer in mine. I rubbed my bottom lip absentmindedly. Things were going to be a lot more awkward than they already were.

**A/N: DON'T HATE ME, IT HAD TO BE DONE! Review please!**

**~Lulu xx**


	10. Rebound

**A/N: Hey guise! So here's chapter 10!**

***drops off***

***backs away slowly***

***turns and runs for life***

_**Liam's POV**_

After almost a week, they let Niall out of the hospital since his stomach was finally keeping food in. I breathed a huge sigh of relief that I could finally go home and sleep.

"Congrats, Mr. Payne," the doctor said, his smile almost as big as his mustache. "We're really proud of Niall."

"Thanks, doc. But um, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Do you have some kind of sleeping pill? Just one. I really need it."

"Well, we don't really do that kind of thing."

"I understand. But as I said, it's just one pill and I really need to sleep without being interrupted. I'm begging you. I can compensate completely if necessary."

He frowned, contemplating. "No need for compensation, Mr. Payne. I can get you just the one pill. Wait here, please. I'll be right back."

"Thank you." I sat back down next to Zayn.

"A sleeping pill?"

"For once this month, I would like to have a nice long sleep without you or Ni or Lou interrupting me."

"Is that healthy?"

I sighed. "I don't think you understand how tired I am, Z. I appreciate your concern, but...I'm tired."

"No, I get it. Just...let me stay with you. Someone has to look after Ni anyway."

"Of course, if you don't mind."

"You know I don't," he smiled.

"Thanks." I slouched in my seat. "I can not WAIT to get to bed."

"I'll bet."

The doctor returned, with Niall and a little baggie. "Mr. Payne, here's the pill you requested. Take it with a full cup of water, and plenty of caution. It's a strong one. You're taking it tonight, correct?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Don't drive tomorrow. Here you go. Have a great day. Mr. Horan, don't forget your check-up in three days."

Ni nodded. "I won't." He turned to us with a weak smile. "Hey."

"Hey yourself!" I picked him up and swung him around.

"Li! Put me down!"

I did, ruffling his hair. "How do you feel?"

"Tired."

"No hug for me, Ni?"

Blue eyes lit up. "Hi, Z." Niall threw himself in his arms.

"Hi. You ready to go?"

Niall nodded. "Can...can we get some Nando's on the way home?" He asked like he was afraid we'd say no.

"Of course, if you want." I said, and he nodded. So, to Nando's we went. I was happily surprised to see Niall eat his whole plate. "Dessert?" I asked when he was finished. He shook his head, so we paid and left.

"I have to use the loo," Ni said as soon as we got home. Z and I both looked at him, wondering if he was going to repeat his recent bad habit. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "I just have to pee, I promise."

I nodded and collapsed on the sofa. "Z, can you get me a glass of water so I can take my pill?"

"Sure." He disappeared into the kitchen and returned moments later, cup in hand. "Can I sleep with you?"

I swallowed the pill, followed by the water. "Sure, if you want, but make sure Ni eats dinner, okay?"

"Of course."

"Come on, then." I took his hand and we went to find Niall, who was in his room playing Halo. "Ni, Z and I are going to sleep, alright? Wake him up if you need anything. He's going to make you dinner too."

He looked up at me with sad eyes. "Okay. Sweet dreams, Li."

I kissed his forehead. "You need to talk?" He shook his head. "Alright. Goodnight...I guess." I practically ran to my room, stripped down to my boxers and jumped in bed, snuggling under the blanket. "Ahhh, bed at last."

Zayn smiled, pulling his clothes off and cuddling up to me. "Are you happy?"

"Not fully," I yawned. "Something's wrong with our little snowflake..." my eyelids drooped. "I just wish I knew what."

"I'll talk to him, okay? You get some well deserved rest."

"You're the best, Z." I closed my eyes and (finally) drifted.

–

_**Niall's POV**_

They didn't trust me. Not at all. I don't blame them, of course, not after all that happened. But I only had to pee. At least, that's what I told them. It was partially true, because I did empty my bladder. But then, my stomach also wanted to empty. Curled in a ball next to the toilet, I forced myself not to give in to the waves of nausea that were trying to take over me.

Deciding that I needed a distraction, I quickly went to my room and popped in my favorite video game. I was getting hammered. _Come on, concentrate_, I thought.

Li came into my room, pulling Zayn by the hand. "Ni, Z and I are going to sleep alright? Wake him up if you need anything. He's going to make you dinner too."

What the hell? Li was going to sleep with Z, knowing how I feel about him? It didn't matter, Z wasn't mine anyway. "Okay. Sweet dreams, Li."

He frowned slightly, before kissing my forehead. "You need to talk?" I shook my head. I did, but it wouldn't get me anywhere and I'd caused him enough trouble. He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push it. "Alright. Goodnight...I guess." He left the room, shutting the door behind him.

I sighed, massaging my temples. Maybe it was time I tell Z how I feel. I couldn't keep carrying those feelings around and not say anything. Whatever his answer would be...it would give me some kind of closure. I bit my lip, thinking of the right way to do it. Maybe over dinner...yeah, dinner's good. But what kind of dinner? He likes my chicken stir fry...that's what I would do. Make a nice dinner, and after we eat, I'll tell him how I feel, just lay it all out there... I returned to my game, feeling much better.

A few hours later, I went to start on dinner. I almost burned the rice out of nerves, but the chicken and veggies came out perfectly. Deciding on a romantic theme, I placed a fancy tablecloth on the wooden table, piled two plates with even portions and set them across from each other. I dimmed the lights and looked around. So far, so good. Now, for the other person.

I skipped up the stairs to Liam's room and cracked the door open silently. What I saw made me wish I hadn't made dinner, that I played the game, that I was still in the hospital, anywhere but there.

Li was on his side, facing Zayn, but asleep. Z was facing him, too, stroking his face and playing in his hair. "I love you, Li," he said quietly. "You make me feel warm and safe. I know there's no one for me but you. Why can't you see that? Why can't I just tell you that? I know why. Because I'm afraid of the answer. You'd choose Ni over me, and I can't take that heartbreak. So I keep it silent. But I still love you. I always will, no matter how many people you put before me. You'll always be my number one." He leaned in and pressed his lips to Liam's.

Tears fell down my face and I closed the door as quietly as I opened it. I ran into the bathroom, locked the door and hurled all of my lunch into the toilet. I couldn't get that kiss out of my head. He loved Liam. The man I fell so hard for had love for someone else.

"Ni?" there was a knock on the bathroom door. "Ni, are you puking?! Are you okay? Is it happening again?"

"Go away!" I barked.

"What? No way. Open the door."

"No."

"Niall, open it."

"No." The thought of seeing his face again made me vomit again.

"Shit, Ni!"

"Leave me alone."

"Niall...OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!"

"Fuck you!" I spat, sick of him already.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU INSANE?"

That did it. I rinsed my mouth out and flung the door open. Zayn stood there, his face flushed in anger. "SO WHAT IF I AM? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CARE!"

"OF COURSE I FUCKING CARE! I WOULDN'T HAVE STAYED WITH YOU IN THE HOSPITAL FOR TWO WEEKS IF I DIDN'T!"

I shook my head. "Fuck you." I pushed past him and went down to the kitchen to put the food away. Of course he followed me.

"Did you make that?"

"Nope, the ghost of Christmas past did it."

"Niall. Can I have some?"

"No." I made a show of stuffing chicken in my mouth. "This is so good."

"Come on, Ni. Really?" He reached for the other plate and I snatched it away.

"I said no."

"Well, who's going to eat that?"

A plan of payback formed quickly in my mind. "I made it for Li-Li."

His perfectly arched eyebrows shot up. "Li-Li?"

I smiled, bit my lip and nodded. "I know he loves my chicken stir fry."

"Yeah, he does. So do I, though. And he won't be awake until tomorrow morning."

"Why not?"

"The doctor gave him a sleeping pill."

"Oh." I shrugged. "Okay, I'll give it to him for lunch tomorrow." I wrapped the plate and put it in the fridge.

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"Do you love Liam?"

A small smile crept on my lips. "Of course I do."

"No, I mean...are you in love with him?"

My grin widened. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He looked frustrated. "You can tell me. I won't tell Li, I swear."

"Are you stupid? He already knows."

I could tell he was mad, but trying to hide it. "Of course. Yeah, he told me."

"Is that jealousy I hear?"

He looked at me. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing." I started toward the stairs. "Don't touch my stir fry."

–

_**Harry's POV**_

I wish I knew what was happening, but I didn't, and I felt like I would never understand it. I shouldn't have kissed Louis, I knew that before I did it. But I couldn't help myself. He was so close to me, his lips were right in front of mine. I was hoping I could get something through to him, but it was futile. He was furious.

It's been a week and he won't even look at me. I needed a razor, but of course he kept them locked away. I needed a release, though. An outlet, no matter what it was. I watched from behind the counter as Lou made himself lunch. Picking up the lighter, I flicked it on absentmindedly, staring into the beautiful orange and blue flame. Then it struck me. This was my answer.

I pocketed the lighter and ran to my room, locking the door. If I ended up screaming in pain, I didn't want him to come in. I pulled back my sleeve, flicked the lighter on and pressed the flame to my skin. It hurt like hell, of course it did, but was rewarding at the same time, more than cutting had ever been. I hissed as it throbbed, but it was exactly what I needed. As the pain left, I flopped down on the bed and sighed. I was so tired.

Tired of Louis, tired of not having any memories...just tired.

So, so tired...

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

Niall's puking again. Shit. This wasn't going to end well, not at all. What was Liam going to say? I slumped in my seat, because I already knew what Li would say; that Ni needs a doctor. Niall, Niall, _everything_ is about Niall for him. He'd never look twice at me. It didn't help that the blonde was in love with him too.

I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated. I had no idea how to get Li's attention. It had felt so right when I kissed him earlier, even though he didn't respond. It was the greatest feeling... Ah, who am I kidding? It was never going to happen again. I kicked the chair across from me. I was sick of the whole thing. Sick of having to keep a kind of distance so I wouldn't be rash. Sick of those chocolate puppy dog eyes, sick of those perfect pink pouty lips. God, I wanted to kiss them all day.

And most of all, I was sick of Niam. Sick to death of it. It was trending on twitter not too long ago, and I actually asked one fan what made her think they were good together. _Idk, they're just really cute!_ That ticked me off. Why did Niall get Liam, but when I'm shipped, it's with Niall?

I stomped upstairs to Li's bedroom and sat on the end of the mattress. He looked so peaceful asleep. Sighing, I crawled under the blanket and snuggled up to him, pretending for the moment that he was mine. Unfortunately, that was one dream that wouldn't come true for me. _There's only one option,_ I thought, yawning. _Annihilate the enemy._

–

_**Louis' POV**_

I was right. The atmosphere was awkward all the time. I just wasn't comfortable around him anymore. He made me want to scream sometimes. The other times, I want to just make up already, because I know we will eventually. I finished lunch and went upstairs, stopping in front of Harry's door. I took a deep breath before knocking. "Harry? Harry, I need to talk to you."

It was a little while before he opened the door, blinking sleepily, his curly hair disheveled. "What is it?"

"Um...Look, Harry, I'm going to see Eleanor for a few days."

"Eleanor? Who's that."

I flipped my hair out of my eyes. "My girlfriend. She's home in Doncaster for a few days, and so I'm going to stay there."

He bit his lip. "For how long?"

"I don't know, depends on how long this break is going to last. Maybe a week, since we start touring next week."

"But what am I going to do?" he frowned.

"You can stay with either Liam or Zayn. I'd say Niall, but he's never home. He's at Liam's house a lot." He was still frowning. "What?"

"I don't want to stay with Liam."

"Well, stay with Zayn then."

"No."

"Then what are you going to do? You can't stay here alone."

Fire flashed in his eyes. "Says who?"

I flipped my hair again and crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes. "Says me. You're not staying here by yourself."

He pushed his curls back. "Do I look like I give a shit what you say?"

I was about to argue back when I noticed a dark spot on his wrist. "What's on your arm?"

"What?" He looked down, and quickly covered it with his sleeve. "Nothing."

"Nothing my big fat ass! Let me see!" I grabbed his hand and pulled up his sleeve. "Is that a burn mark?!"

"I tried to make fried eggs, and it went horribly."

"Someday, you'll stop lying to me. Now pack, you're not staying here."

"I have an idea."

"What?"

"How about you go fuck yourself, and I go out for a drink?" He pushed past me and down the steps.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, Harold?" I followed him to the door.

He turned, his green eyes livid. "MY FUCKING NAME IS HARRY, WANKER!"

I just stared as the door slammed shut. "Oh my God." I thought to run after him, but I was tired of doing that. And the last time that happened, I ended up crying anyway. What did I do instead? Finished packing and headed out myself, texting Ni, Z, and Li. _I'm off to Doncaster for a few days, lads. Watch Harry for me, will ya? -Lou xx_

I got a confirmation text from Z just before boarding the plane. _You're fucking crazy, you know that? I'll watch him. Have fun -Z xx_

I sent a quick thanks and took a deep breath. It felt wrong, going home, but it's what I wanted. Even as I fell asleep, all I could think of were those deep green eyes, sparkling like emeralds, holding so much anger. _I'm sorry, Harry..._ I thought as I drifted.

**A/N: OMG, DON'T KILL MEH PLEASE! Honestly, I have no idea where Lou's part came from, IT JUST HAPPENED OKAY. **

**I KNOW, YOUR ZIALL FEELS ARE GOING CRAZY! OR MAYBE THEY'RE NIAM FEELS! OR THEY COULD BE ZIAM FEELS. I'M SORREH, I HAD TO DO IT!**

**Review?**

**-Lulu xx**


	11. Give Me Love

**A/N: Hey, guise...well um...here's the next chapter...heh...**

***runs away screaming "IT WASN'T ME, IT WAS SHAGGY!"***

_**Harry's POV**_

(this is the day after Louis left, btw, so not the night he left, but the night after the night...geddit?)

_What the fuck are you doing, Harry?_ I asked myself as I downed another drink. _Louis' off to be with his girlfriend, and you're...where? Drowning yourself?_ I hadn't wanted to be surrounded by people (that would only depress me more) so I bought a few cases of beer and locked myself in Lou's room. I know, pathetic. I put my iPod on shuffle on his dock and lay in his bed, breathing in his beautiful scent.

I think my iPod wanted to torture me. A few songs by the Fray came on in a row, followed by Shaggy's _It Wasn't Me_. Just as I reached for another drink, a softer tune floated through the room.

_Give me love like her..._

"_Cause lately I've been waking up alone_," I sang along mournfully. "_Paint-splattered teardrops on my shirt._" I threw the empty can across the room. "_I told you I'd let them go._" I stumbled over to the unopened case, ripping out another beer and downing it. "_You know I'll fight my corner. Maybe tonight I'll call ya, after my blood turns into alcohol. Mm, no I just wanna hold ya..._"

"_Give a little time to me, we'll burn this out. We'll play hide and seek, to turn this around. All I want is the taste that your lips allow._" I thought about those lips, those soft pink lips that just begged to be kissed...but obviously not by me. "_My my, my my, give me love. My my, my my, oh give me love..._" Why did he have a girlfriend? Why wasn't I good enough for him? Eleanor was better? Why?

"_Give me love like never before, cause lately, I've been craving more._" I didn't crave it, I needed it. Everyone had love, except me. "_And it's been a while, but I still feel the same._" It's been far too long. "_Maybe I should let you go._" A tear slid down my face, because I knew I should, but I never would. "_You know I'll fight my corner, and by tonight I'll call ya, after my blood is drowning in alcohol. Mm, no I just wanna hold ya._" And how badly I did...

Then again, maybe they were on to something. I pulled my phone out and called Louis. I had to tell him my idea.

–

(earlier that day)

_**Liam's POV**_

I stretched and let out a hum of contentment. I finally felt fully rested. "Good morning, Zayn!" I sang out, turning to the figure next to me. "How did...you're not Zayn."

"No shit, Sherlock," Ni laughed, hitting me with a pillow.

"Where's Zayn?"

"Playing on the xbox. But guess what I found out?" His eyes danced mischievously.

"What?"

"Zayn likes you."

I stared at him, knowing I couldn't have possibly heard him right. "What?"

"Zayn. Likes. You. Or is in love with you I should say."

No way. "Are you drunk?"

"Ah, you're only saying that 'cause I'm Irish." He hit me with the pillow again.

"How would you possibly know that?"

"You sure you want to know?" he grinned.

"Yes, I do, actually," I crossed my arms defiantly, sure that it wouldn't be valid.

He leaned in to whisper, "He kissed you."

"WHAT?" I shook my head. "I don't believe you."

"But I saw it with my own eyes!" He looked up at me sadly. "I made chicken stir fry last night because I know how much he loves it, then I came to get him, and I was going to tell him how I feel, but when I opened the door, he was whispering to you how much he loves you and how you always put everyone in front of him, but you'll always be his number one, or something like that. Then he kissed you. And you know I wouldn't say it unless it was true."

I did know that much. Niall was anything but a liar...most of the time. "I know you wouldn't. But this is...hard to believe. I mean...Zayn likes me? And all this time, I thought he was jealous of me whenever you did something, but it was the other way around. Huh." We sat in silence while I tried to absorb it. "What happened after that?"

"Um...I um...I threw up."

"Oh no," I groaned at the thought of more time in that bloody hospital.

"But I kept down my breakfast, so I'm fine! Z was mad though." He shivered, and I pulled him into a hug. "We had a fight."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Nialler."

"It's okay. I want to get him back for yesterday, but I need your cooperation."

"Uh oh. I'm scared. What are you thinking?"

"Well..." he pulled away. "I was thinking, I could spoon-feed you lunch, and we can cuddle on the couch all day, watching movies?"

"To make him jealous, right?"

"You got it."

"I don't know, Ni, it's kinda mean."

He looked stunned. "But you helped me before!"

"Yes, but that was when I thought he liked you, not me! I don't want to hurt his feelings."

"But he hurt mine!" I sighed. That was true. "Please, Li? I won't ask you again, just today?"

"Alright, but it's against my better judgement."

"Yay!" he squealed, throwing his arms around me. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Okay, okay," I laughed, pushing him away. "I need to shower, and I'll be down."

"I'll go heat up your lunch." He ran out of the door and I shook my head at his energy. I would never understand where it came from. I quickly showered and dressed before heading downstairs and into the kitchen, where Niall and Zayn were having a shouting match.

"I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IT!"

"WELL, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD ACT LIKE THAT!"

"IT WAS FOR LIAM YOU SELFISH PRICK!"

"HOW THE FUCK AM I SELFISH? I ASKED YOU FOR SOME YESTERDAY!"

"AND I FUCKING TOLD YOU NO!" Niall slammed an empty container on the counter. "NOW WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT?"

"CLEARLY NOT, WANKER!"

"Whoa, guys," I stepped between them. "Let's calm ourselves before someone gets hurt."

Ni was on the verge of tears. "Li-Li, he ate your lunch."

I put a comforting arm around him. "It's okay, Ni. We'll just make something else to eat, yeah?" He sniffled and nodded. "Z, can I talk to you in the living room?"

His hazel eyes were still staring daggers into Ni's back. "Yeah whatever," he mumbled, walking out. I followed him.

"What the hell, Zayn? You already know how Niall is with food!"

"Yeah, I know," he muttered.

"Then what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking, I'm really fucking sick of his bullshit!"

I stared, not believing the words coming from his mouth. "What?"

"You heard me! Fucking Niall!" he spat. "Everything is about Niall, and how he feels. I'm fucking tired of it!"

"Zayn, what...I don't even know what to say to you. He's been sick, and you're saying he's selfish?"

"No, I'm saying you give him more attention than you give me, and I don't think it's fair." He was pouting. Zayn Jawaad Malik was actually pouting.

"So you're jealous."

"You could say that."

"So you ate his food when he asked you not to? I can't connect the dots here, Z."

His nostrils flared. "Why is he over here all the time anyway? He has his own flat."

"I could ask the same thing about you," a voice behind me venomously said. I turned and met blue eyes. "Li," he smiled sweetly, "I'm making tacos. Do you want beef or chicken?"

"Um...beef," I said automatically.

"Okay." He skipped into the kitchen and I turned back to Zayn.

"What you're doing to Niall isn't fair. If you felt like I was pushing you aside, you should have talked to me about it, not upset Ni, it's not his fault."

"So I have the right to be mad at you?" His hazel eyes glittered dangerously.

"If you want. And you need to express yourself."

"Even physically?"

"If you must."

"Good." Before I knew what was happening, I was against the wall, his lips pressed to mine.

"Z," I pushed him away as gently as I could. "What are you doing?"

"Expressing myself." He tried to kiss me again, but I held him back.

"No, Z, that's not what I meant."

The anger in his eyes was replaced by sadness. "You'd rather kiss Niall, right?"

It was my turn to be angry. "Look, I don't know where you get the crazy idea that me and Ni are a thing, but it needs to stop."

"I don't have time for your lies, Li," he sai through clenched teeth.

I lost it. "LIES? I'M NOT FUCKING GAY, OKAY? I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, REMEMBER? IF ANYONE'S SICK OF ANYONE'S BULLSHIT, IT'S ME OF YOURS!"

He flinched. "Oh yeah, Danielle..."

"OH YEAH, DANIELLE, REMEMBER HER? NOW WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A BABY?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, staring at his shoes.

"Whatever, just go apologize to Niall, and I don't want to hear anymore about this, understand?"

"Yeah." He trudged into the kitchen, with me right behind him. "Hey, Ni, I'm sorry about everything."

The leprechaun looked up, his blue eyes sparkling. "That's okay, Z."

They stood just staring at each other until I said "Okay, good. Now everyone kiss and make up." They laughed and Niall jumped into Zayn's arms. Z kissed him on the forehead before letting go. "Good job, boys. Now, Zayn, let's go sit on the sofa and let Ni finish cooking. He nodded his consent and I popped in Toy Story 2 while we waited for lunch.

Niall finally finished, after what seemed like an eternity, and we all three snuggled under the afghan.

–

_**Louis' POV**_

I was snuggled warmly under a blanket with Eleanor as we watched our favorite movies and TV shows and talked about everything and nothing. "Remember that time you took me to the zoo and you thought it would be fun to get a picture at the petting zoo?"

I cringed at the memory. "That llama had it out for me, I swear."

She laughed loudly, a sound I'd missed. "No, I think it was the goose."

"Ugh, yes! That thing chased me all the way around the pen!"

"And the goat!"

I rubbed my bum. "I couldn't sit for a week, and I can still feel it now."

"Aw, poor Lou. You only wanted a picture." She patted my cheek with a wide smile. "But now you know not to wear red in front of a mountain goat, right?" She'd laughed at me that whole day, and every time I'd had trouble sitting.

"Fuck you, don't touch me." I pushed her hand away as she laughed again.

"Well, if you insist, Tommo." She pounced on me and started biting my neck, her long wavy hair tickling my face.

"El, stop!"

"But I missed you," she pouted and swept hair off my forehead.

"I missed you too, babe." I kissed those pink lips softly before flipping us over so I was on top and pinning her hands above her head, leaving a trail of kisses down her slender neck.

"Lou," she gasped as I nipped at a tender spot, enjoying the sighing moans that escaped her throat. Just when my lips reached her collarbone, my phone went off.

_ Shorty said that she caught me red-handed sleeping with the girl next door._

"Dammit," I growled, groping around for it.

_Picture this, we were both butt-naked banging on the bathroom floor. How could I forget that I had given her an extra-_

"Hello?" I wanted to punch whoever was being a cockblock.

"Louuuuuu-eeeeeeee?"

"Harry?" I sat straight up. "Are you okay? You sound weird."

"Louuuu, you left meeeee."

"Are you drunk?" Oh God.

"I had to do it, I was lonelyyy."

I rubbed my temples. "Harry, you don't go drinking just because you're lonely. Are you at a club?"

"Noooo," he hiccuped. "I'm in your room cos I miss yoooou."

"What's going on, is he okay?" Eleanor asked.

"He's drunk." I sat on the sofa with a sigh. "What's wrong, Harry? Why did you call me?"

"Cos I was lis'nin to Ed Sheeeerannn, and I need a girlfriend."

"What? What do you mean, you need a girlfriend?"

"Cos you have a girlfrien' and Li has a girlfrien' and Z and Ni have each other, and I'm lonelyyy."

"Okay. So you called to tell me that?"

"Aren' you jealooooous?" he giggled.

"No, Harry." I rolled my eyes.

"Why nooot? You're no fun."

"Why should I be jealous if you get a girlfriend? I'll be happy for you."

"Nooo," he sounded sad. "I wan' you to feel like I dooo, I wan' you to be jealous."

"But why?"

"I already told youuuu, I love you, but you don' love meeee."

"Oh God, Hazza." It was already awkward, made even more so by Eleanor staring intently at my face. "Can't you let that go?"

"Nooo, I wanna be your boyfrien'."

"Harry!" I blushed at the statement. "That's never going to happen, so find a nice girl, okay?"

"Noo, I wan' yooou! No one can be sexier than you, 'specially when you wear those tight red chinos. Your bum looks sooooo delicious in them, sometimes I wanna bend you over an' fuck you right there."

My face burned, and I vowed never to wear them again, even if they were my favorite trousers. "Harry, you're drunk. I'm going to call Li to take care of you, alright?"

"Noo, I don' wan' Li, I wan' you."

"How much did you drink?"

"I had a whole pack an' I'm almost done the second one."

"Stop drinking, okay? You've had enough." He was going to have a major hangover. He was silent for a minute. "Harry?"

"It didn' work..."

"What didn't work?"

"I was suppose to feel better, but I jus' feel worse, an' you hate me!" He started bawling into the phone. "You hate meee, and I don' have no frieeeeeeen's!"

"Harold! Jesus, pull yourself together! I don't hate you, okay?"

He was silent again. "Where are my razors?" His deep voice was almost quiet.

My heart stopped. "What?"

"My fucking razors! Where are they?" His voice was suddenly rough with anger.

"Harry, I got rid of them ages ago."

"Fuck you! _I want my razors!_"

"Well, there's none left," I said smugly, proud that I thought to get rid of them the previous week. Silence on the other end.

"You think you're so smart, don' you, you fucking prick?"

"Harry-"

"You play wit' my feelings, lead me on."

"Harry, listen-"

"You turned me fucking gay."

"Harry, will you listen for a minute?"

"I'm sick of your bullshit, Tomlinson."

"Harry-"

"I'm outta here."

"What do you mean?"

"See you in hell."

"HARRY!" I yelled desperately, but he'd already hung up.

**A/N: So did you like it? Huh? Didja Didja?**

**I know, you want to kill me.**

**Tbh, I don't even know what Harry's doing.**

**What about Liam, Zayn and Niall? Did you like that at least?**

**Review, and maybe I'll be nice to Harry for once :)**

**-Lulu xx**


	12. Drunk

**A/N: Aw, no reviews last chapter :( Okay, fine. Be that way. It's not like I need them or anything :P**

**Just for that, here's a filler to tease you.**

_**Louis' POV**_

"HARRY!" I yelled desperately, but he'd already hung up. "Shit!" I dialed right back, but it went to voicemail. "Fuck fuck! Shitfuck!"

"What happened," El asked, alert.

"I don't even know! He said something about being 'outta here' and 'see you in hell' so who the fuck knows what he did!" I called Li.

"Hello?" he answered, sounding drowsy.

"LIAM! Oh my god, you have to call the cops right now, I think Harry tried another suicide attempt."

"What? What makes you think that?"

"Look, Li, that's not important! Call the police, and get over to our flat as fast as you can, okay? Please!"

"NIALL, ZAYN, WAKE UP! We're going right now, Lou." He hung up and I grabbed my jacket. "Shit. Shit. El..." I looked at her mournfully.

She smiled sadly. "I know, you have to go rescue your best friend."

"I'm so sorry, El."

"It's okay." She wrapped her arms around me.

"You should come with me."

"You know I can't. I have class tomorrow."

"Right. Dammit. I love you, I'm so sorry." I kissed the top of her head.

"Just make sure Harry is okay, and I'll see you next time you have a break." She pulled back and looked up at me with those puppy eyes and I almost wanted to cry...almost.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"I love you too." We shared a short but passionate kiss before I was out the door.

"I'll call you as soon as everything is straightened out!" She blew a kiss and waved as I drove away. Fuck the airport. Who knew when the next flight would be leaving. I only prayed I would make it in time.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

I woke up a sleepy Zayn and Niall, urging them to dress quickly. "What's all the yelling about, mate?" Z asked, pulling on a shirt.

"No time," I said, hurriedly dialing 999. "Hello, police?"

"Yes, what's your emergency?" Her unpleasant nasal voice sounded terribly bored. I explained to her what Louis said. "So you would like to complete a missing person form?"

"A missing...LADY, THIS IS HARRY STYLES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! WE GO ON TOUR NEXT WEEK, THERE'S NO TIME FOR ANY FORMS!" I tied my shoe.

"I'm sorry, I've never heard of him. Is he someone important?"

I couldn't believe my ears. "HE'S ONLY A WORLD FAMOUS POPSTAR AND HE'S FUCKING SUICIDAL YOU CUNT!"

"Liam!" Niall said, staring in surprise.

But I was only getting started. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF AN INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION?"

"It's dreadful, I'm sure." I knew she was mocking me, and it pissed me off even more. "I'll send a few units out to look for him."

"You do that. Oh, and when you die, make sure to tell your master Satan hello from me." I hung up, growling. "Useless. How the fuck do you call yourself a female, and not know the name Harry Styles?" I grabbed my jacket, Ni and Z behind me. "_Is he someone important? _Dirty skank."

"I've never seen you this worked up, Li," Zayn said as we piled in the car.

"It's fucking two thirty in the morning, and instead of sleeping like the rest of the world would be, I'm out looking for an overemotional teenage drunk." We began our search from Lou and Harry's flat, but only found empty beer cans. "Shit. Shit. Okay, let's go." We drove everywhere we could think of, checked what had to be every nightclub in the city, and all the parks. "Where the fuck could he be?"

"Let's look on the bridge, mate," Ni piped up from the backseat. "I've got a funny feeling..."

Ni's instincts were always dead on, and this time was no different. He stood, leaning on the rail, looking down into the water, his curly hair blowing in the cool air, no jacket, no shoes. Scrambling out of the car, we watched in horror as he pushed himself up, leaning over the railing.

"HARRY, NO, WAIT!" I yelled in desperation.

_**Harry's POV**_

I looked down into the river. It wouldn't take much. I was drunk anyway, much too uncoordinated to survive, which was a good thing. I didn't want to survive. I swallowed the last of the whiskey, wherever I got that from, and threw the bottle into the dark water below. It wouldn't take much. I wouldn't even have to jump, just fall. Just fall into that icy blackness that waited to swallow my body and steal my breath. I could hardly wait.

Then I wouldn't have to think about fucking pretty ass Louis with his feathery caramel hair, or his perfect face structure, or the way his blue eyes sometimes took on a hint of green in sunlight, or the cute little pouch of "baby fat" right underneath of his six-pack, or the way that he never wore socks...or his bum.

His perfect perfect bum and the way they fit in those tight red chinos always turned me on. I was sick of it, I was done. I never wanted to think about it again. _And now I won't have to,_ I smiled, leaning over the cool metal of the safety rail. I can skip the whole movie and just fade to black. I pushed myself up, leaning even farther. _I almost wish I could say goodbye..._

"HARRY, NO, WAIT!" I heard behind me.

I turned and saw Liam there with Zayn and Niall. "Liiiiii!" I said, backing away from the edge and jumping on him. "Hi, Li! Guess what?"

"What, Harry?"

"Chicken butt!" I cracked up and Ni laughed with me, so I hugged him too, before stumbling to Zayn. "Hey, Z. Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure, Harry."

"Why did the monkey say to the giraffe, why the long face?"

"Why, Harry?"

"Because he thought that his neck was his face!" I laughed so hard, my sides started hurting.

"Come on, Haz. Let's get you home." Liam grabbed my arm, but I snatched it away. "Haz?" he looked worried. "Come on, Hazza, you must be freezing."

"No, I'm fine. Thanks for coming to say goodbye."

"Harry, we didn't come to say goodbye, we came to get you and take you home."

"I'm going to my new home."

"Where's that?"

"In the river."

"Harry, please don't do this."

"Why not?" I pouted. "Why can't I do this and be happy too?"

"What do you mean?" He looked genuinely concerned.

"Why is everyone happy except me? What did I do to deserve this?" Tears spilled. "Lou's happy with his girlfriend, you have Danielle, Li. Z and Ni can lean on each other, but who do I have?"

"It's not like that, Harry." He held out his hand, expecting me to take it. I didn't.

"It's not like that for you, maybe," I whispered. "How do you feel when you wake up in the morning, Li?"

"What?" he asked, surprised by the question.

"I SAID, HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU WAKE UP?" Tears flowed freely, and Zayn and Niall stood in shock. "ARE YOU SAD, LIAM? DO YOU DREAD THE REST OF THE DAY? ARE YOU DISAPPOINTED THAT YOUR EYES OPENED? BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I FEEL, OKAY? THAT'S HOW I FEEL AND NOBODY CARES!" I felt tired, so I sat on the ground, my chest heaving.

"Harry, sweetie," Liam sat next to me, pulling me into his arms. "If you're ever feeling lonely, that's what the rest of us are here for. And if you need a lady friend, Danielle has plenty of hot friends."

I shook my head. "I'm gay, Li. I'm gay and I only want Louis. If I can't have Louis, then I don't want to live."

"Aw, babe. I'm so sorry you feel that way." He fingered my curls and I sniffled, trying to think of a way to get to the edge without being stopped.

"I just want to be happy, Li."

He looked into my eyes and nodded. "I can help you there, but you have to trust me, okay?"

I nodded, sniffing again.

"Close your eyes."

I did, and suddenly, I was drifting.

**A/N: Haha, you don't know what happened to Harry, but I do!**

**Oh how I love being evil. You should try it sometimes it's fun.**

**I don't know what I'm saying. I only got about four hours of sleep last night.**

**Anyways, REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS NICE, JUST SAYING.**

**~Lulu xx**


	13. Narry?

**A/N: Guise, I'm sick :( I've been blowing my nose and coughing for the past 24 hours. Uggggh, this sucks. On a happier note, though, I am proud to say, that I am SO in love with this chapter, and I can't wait for you guise to read it and I WANT FEEDBACK! ..what are you waiting for? READ IT!**

_**Harry's POV**_

I woke on a soft surface, snuggled warmly in a cocoon of blankets. But the level of comfort did nothing for my pounding head and churning stomach. I quickly ran into the bathroom across from me and puked up my insides.

"Oh, good, you're awake," a voice said softly when I was done.

I cracked one eye open, then the other in shock. "Danielle?"

"Hey there, bud," she smiled, her warm eyes twinkling. "I brought you something." She held out a glass full of what looked like tomato juice.

"What's that?" I asked warily, as I was not fond of anything tomato related.

"Morning pick-me-up. I know it doesn't look appealing, and it won't taste too pleasant, but still, it'll make you feel a hell of a lot better."

I sighed and took the glass. "Are you sure?" She nodded, so I sipped tentatively...and almost spat it back out. "What is this? It's awful!"

"I'm not going to tell you what's in it, because then you won't drink it, but you need to because Liam wants to talk to you."

"So how come you're here?" I asked, taking a huge gulp, trying my best not to taste it.

She sat next to me on the floor. "Well, Li called me last night, completely distressed, whining about how he missed me, and you are going on tour next week and he wanted to see me and all, so here I came. He asked me to bring you this and when you felt better, tell you to go see him." She was speaking in a near whisper and I was forever grateful for it.

I didn't want to, but I forced myself to finish the drink. "What the shit did I do last night?"

Dani giggled, her slim figure shaking. "You might just want to talk to Li about it."

"Alright, I'll go do that now. Where is he?"

"In the living room." She stood and helped me up. "I'm going to go ahead, and turn the lights down, yeah?" I nodded and she disappeared. Stumbling slightly, I managed to get on a pair of sweats and a Jack Wills t-shirt. I didn't know how or why my clothes were there, since I was at Li's house, but I was way too hungover to try to figure it out. As I made my way downstairs, I noticed my headache receding, if only slightly. I sighed in contentment as it settled to a dull throbbing. I sat next to Li, who was waiting on the couch. "Hey, Li."

"Hello, Harry," he chuckled. "Are you feeling alright?"

"As well as I can after getting so hammered. Ugh." I rubbed my temple. "I don't even remember anything."

He raised an eyebrow. "Nothing?"

"Well, I remember being in Lou's room, and I was drinking beer and listening to music, and then..." I thought hard. "I decided to call Louis, but I don't remember what happened after that."

"So you don't remember any of the conversation?"

I shook my head. "Why, is it important?"

"Well, mate...you kind of scared us."

"What do you mean?"

"Well...you tried to kill yourself again last night."

That was news to me. "What? Why though?"

"I don't know, Harry. All I know is, you got upset with Lou about something, then you said something about 'see you in hell.' Next, Lou calls me, frantic, and I wake up Niall and Zayn and we go out looking for you, only to find you hanging over the bridge, about to jump."

"Shit," I brushed my curls from my face. "That's...crazy."

"I know," he said softly, patting my knee.

A spot on my inner forearm began to throb and I rubbed it absentmindedly, only to come in contact with something that was not skin. I looked down and it was bandaged. I raised my eyes questioningly to Liam. "What the fuck is this?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I was hoping you would remember."

"It fucking hurts, whatever it is."

"Isn't that where your star tattoo is?"

"Yeah, but...why would it be hurting? I got it a while ago..."

He shrugged again. "I don't know, but take it easy today, okay? Lou wants to talk to you, but I'll give you some time to see if you'll remember anything else."

"I remember him leaving me alone," I murmured.

"Harry," Li sighed heavily. "Louis missed his girlfriend, and I don't blame him for that. That's why I called Dani and asked her to come and see me. You could have came and stayed with me, you know that. There's plenty of room and plenty of love here."

"Whatever," I muttered. "I'm going back to bed."

"Oh no you're not either. You're getting your arse in that kitchen and eating breakfast before you go anywhere."

"But Daddy!"

"No, Harold. In the kitchen, now." He pointed, and I went, pouting.

"What would you like, Harry?" Dani smiled at me from across the counter.

"Some more sleep would be nice."

"Don't push it, Harry," Li growled, entering the room as well.

I sighed. "Bacon and eggs please." A dish full of it was placed in front of me and I picked at it. I wasn't hungry in the least, but Li made me. I glanced up at him, and he glared back, clearly unsatisfied with my plate, so I ate as much as I could force down before excusing myself. I went back to the guest room and flopped on the bed. Finally, peace and-

There was a knock on the door. I groaned. What the fuck did Li want now? I got up to answer it, swearing that if it was Lou, I'd slam the door in his face, but it was blonde hair and blue eyes that I was greeted with.

–

_**Niall's POV**_

I didn't know what I was doing. It was just an idea I had. Zayn was being moody since Danielle got here, so he and Lou went over to his flat, because Li won't let Lou see Harry. I realized that Harry feels the same way I do, except he's in love with Louis, and that's okay. But I had an idea. Granted, my ideas never worked, but there was certainly no harm in trying, so I knocked on the guest room door, and Harry opened it, looking sour. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, Ni, but I'm kind of tired."

"I know, Harry, but I have an idea that may benefit us both."

He gave me a suspicious look. "Alright, come in." I sat on the bed and he shut the door before lying next to me. "Now what's this all about?"

"Well, we're in the same predicament, in love with men who don't love us, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And they don't seem to appreciate us, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I think I can change that."

He looked thoroughly confused. "What are you getting at, Ni?"

"Let's pretend to be boyfriends!" I blurted excitedly.

His expression didn't change. "And how exactly would that change anything?"

"Don't you see? With us spending more time together, they'll miss us, and want us back, maybe even realizing some undiscovered feelings in the process."

"Oh, I get it." He yawned. "That could work, but I think we should ease into it. You know, flirt, hold hands, blush, the whole thing."

"You read my mind," I grinned. "So it's a deal?"

"It's a deal. Now, I love you, and you know I do, but go away." I chuckled and he slid under the duvet.

"Night, darling," I said cheekily, kissing his forehead. He only grunted. I laughed again before leaving, closing the door behind me and practically skipping back to my room. This plan's going to work. I can feel it.

–

_**Harry's POV**_

It was just three days before we left to go on tour, and Lou and I still hadn't talked. He tried to talk, though, and get me alone, but Ni always came to my rescue in one way or another. I was making it even harder by avoiding him like the plague, and I could tell it was pissing him off. Good.

It was movie night again, and this time, we were in the living room in Li's house instead of the upstairs den. Well, it wasn't REALLY movie night, but Li ran through the house holding a bunch of DVDs yelling "MOVIE NIGHT, MOVIE NIGHT!" And so, here we were, except Danielle, who said something about the mall. I was the last one downstairs, having been in the shower (yeah, Li came in there yelling too). I looked around, trying to decide where to sit. Li was in the armchair, Lou was on the sofa, Zayn spread out on a blanket on the floor, and Ni sat on the loveseat.

"Haz," Lou called and patted the space next to him. "Come-"

"Harry?" Ni smiled up at me sweetly, cutting him off. "Will you cuddle with me, cupcake?"

I grinned back. "Anything for you, Baby Nando's." I went over and sat next to him. He made me lay down, and lay flush on top of me, smiling down at me. I couldn't see his face, but I knew Lou was pissed. I could feel him staring daggers at us, like he'd been doing for the past few days whenever we flirted, which was often. It started the day after my hangover, at breakfast. I sat next to Niall instead of Louis and brushed his hand one too many times. We looked at each other and giggled each time it happened, blushing occasionally. Then at dinner that same night, I sat in a chair next to Lou. Li went to sit on my other side, but I asked if Ni could sit there instead. He did, and talked to me the entire time, even though Lou wanted in, but we did our best to exclude him from the conversation, and I guess it worked. Basically every meal went like that, making Lou angry, Zayn confused, and Li smile knowingly.

But I smiled back at Ni now, and wrapped my arms around him. He leaned down and whispered, "We should sleep together tonight, you know, take it up a notch."

I made myself giggle at what he said, and he blushed in response. I pulled his ear to my lips. "Did I ever tell you you're a genius?"

His face flushed deeper. "No, but you're welcome to any time you want." That made me laugh for real, and Ni chuckled in response.

"What the hell is so funny?" Lou thundered from his couch.

"It's an inside joke," Ni batted his eyelashes.

"Yeah, you wouldn't get it," I grinned cheekily.

"Well, I wish someone would get something and shut the hell up," Zayn grumbled from the rug, his eyes trained on the telly. I didn't even know what movie we were watching. Nor did I care. Ni and I would take turns whispering random things in each other's ear, the other giggling quietly.

"Would you two just snog already?" Li asked from the armchair on the other side of the room, smirking. Two more sets of eyes were suddenly on us, and we blushed.

"Not with you lot watching," I mumbled, pretending to be embarrassed.

"Yeah, who wants to snog with their three best mates watching?"

"Then get a room, you horny bastards," Lou growled viciously.

"Maybe we will." I sat up, pulling Ni with me. He kept his arms and legs around me as I carried him up to my room, where we collapsed on the bed laughing giddily at how well the plan was going already.

–

_**Louis' POV**_

I didn't actually want them to go. I wanted Harry to snuggle with me, not Niall. Yeah, I'll admit that I was jealous, but not the way you think. What whispered secrets were they sharing? It wasn't fair. Harry was my best mate, not Ni's. Okay, that may sound selfish to you, but seriously. One day, he's all over me, the way it should be, next he's all over that Irish ball of energy like he's me. It's not right, and it's not fair.

I couldn't concentrate on the movie knowing I didn't have my best friend anymore. All I did was visit my girlfriend to spend some quality time before going on tour, and next, he's not my bestie anymore.

This is a problem.

I didn't even notice I was crying until Li pulled me into his arms. "It's okay, Lou. It'll be alright. Maybe it's for the best they found each other."

"What do you mean?" I sniffed, wiping my eyes.

"Lou, you're so blind," Zayn snorted, sitting on my other side.

"What?"

"Harry's in love with you, you twat."

I shook my head. "He was only saying that because he couldn't remember me."

"No, stupid. He loved you before that. That's why he was cutting. Because you love Eleanor."

It all made so much sense now. "Wow, am I dumb. How could I not notice that?"

"He probably found Niall because they both have unrequited love. It seems natural that they would get together."

Zayn looked at Li, frowning. "Why don't you like Ni, Li?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm taken and straight, Z, we've already been through this."

"Oh yeah..." He frowned at the ground.

"What's the matter, Z?" I asked.

"Harry called Niall Baby Nando's..."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Don't you remember, Lou?" he frowned at me. "I gave him that nickname. He's MY Baby Nando's." He pouted.

"Well your Baby Nando's has my Hazza, and that's a problem."

"We have to do something about this..."

"Guys," Liam interrupted. "I know you love Ni and Harry, but seriously, let them be. The first few stages of love are crazy, and they may be obsessed with each other now, but they'll calm down in a little while, okay? Now, are we going to watch this movie or what?"

We murmured a consent and relaxed comfortably into each other. I still want Hazza back. And no matter how much I tried to think of other things, my eyes would shift over to the staircase where Harry disappeared, carrying his new boyfriend. And somehow, without my noticing, I thought, _I wish that was me..._

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

I don't give a shit what Li says. Niall is MY Baby Nando's, not Harry's. And I wasn't going to let that curly-haired turd steal my best friend. No way. I needed a plan to get him back...

–

_**Liam's POV**_

I smiled to myself, knowing that Zayn and Lou wouldn't give up that easily. But hey, I had to try. They're both so blind though. It's obvious Ni and Haz are just trying to make them jealous. The giggles are forced, the smiles too fake, but they're trying. _It's cute, _I thought, snuggling into Louis. Maybe somehow, the fates will turn and they'll really end up in love. That would be the perfect ending for them...but maybe not for Lou and Z.

Ahhh, who cares what they think, the jealous prats. They should just let them be together if they want to, and occupy themselves with what's important. For Louis, his girlfriend, and for Zayn...to find a girlfriend. Yawning, I decided that would be my goal. To find Z a woman. Lord knows he needs one.

**A/N: Omggg, I'm so clever haha! ;) What did you think though? Do you love it? Hate it? Want to get an elephant to step on my head? It's okay, my head already feels like that. Review please!**

**~Lulu xx**


	14. It's Not Working

**A/N: Hello, everyone! I'm still sick, there's a lump the size of a golfball in my throat D: buuut, as it is Christmas, this chapter is my present. If you ship Narry, I'm sure you'll like it. :) Also, Merry Christmas to everyone! ...or Happy Hannakah!...or Channakah...Happy Holidays lol. Love you all :) (insert heart here)**

_**Harry's POV**_

"Harry, wake up." Someone shook me. I just grunted and rolled over. "Come on, Harry, I know you hear me. Wake up!"

I sighed and cracked my eyes open, turning back over and meeting bright blue eyes. "Morning," I rasped.

"Good morning," Niall giggled. "We're going to have to leave for the airport soon, but before that, um...we need to talk about our relationship."

"Again?" I groaned. "Okay, okay. What is it?"

"It's not working."

"Are we breaking up?"

"No, silly." He rolled his eyes. "But we need to make it more intense, more believable."

"How?"

"We have to kiss." I stared at him for a few seconds, taking in what he said. "Just in front of the guys, and be extra cuddly in front of the fans."

"Okay," I shrugged.

"Well, um...I was thinking..."

"Yeah?"

His face was beet red now. "Um...could we...um...could we practice?" I must have looked confused. "It's just...I don't want a bunch of people to see my first kiss and um..."

"You've never been kissed, Ni?" I asked, shocked. He shook his head and looked down. "And you're willing to do it with me?"

"Well...I know we don't love each other that way, but you are my best friend, so it's alright."

A brilliant idea popped into my head. "Hey Ni, I have a great idea. Are any of the boys up yet?"

"Nah, they're all probably still sleep. It's pretty early, but I didn't know how long our chat would take..."

"It's fine. How comfortable are you in your boxers?"

He blushed again, bless him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we're going to go downstairs and get cozy, and let the boys find us in our undershorts, possibly snogging."

"That's an awesome idea!"

"I know, I'm a genius!" I squealed. "Come on, I know just what to do." We took turns in the bathroom brushing our teeth (we agreed we didn't want to kiss with morning breath) and headed quietly down the steps, so we wouldn't disturb anyone.

"So what are we going to do?" Ni whispered as I dragged him into the den.

"We're going to dance."

"Dance?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes. Slow dance. To Ed Sheeran." I grabbed my iPod from the coffee table and put it on the dock. After setting the volume to a moderate level, I put the album on shuffle.

_Come on, skinny love, just last the year..._

I turned to Ni with a smile. "My I have this dance?" I asked, my hand extended.

"I'd be honored," he giggled and took it. I pulled him close and we swayed together, occasionally stumbling and stepping on each others feet and laughing. As the song ended, I stepped back.

"Thank you, Mr. Horan for a lovely dance. My I have another?"

"But of course, Mr. Styles." We resumed our positions, his hands on my shoulders and mine on his waist.

_Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in..._

The perfect song. I looked down into Ni's blue eyes. They were really beautiful, even if they weren't the same shade as Louis'. They shone brighter than sapphires, and sparkled like diamonds in the soft morning sun leaking through the window. I could get lost in them forever. Unconsciously, I pulled him closer, allowing my eyes to sweep over the rest of his lightly freckled face, down to his pink lips. He blushed under the scrutiny, but it only made him cuter.

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved..._

"I'm gonna kiss you now, Ni, okay?" He nodded, and I leaned in to press my lips to his soft ones. He may not have been the right boy, but I can't say I didn't like it.

–

_**Niall's POV**_

Oh god, Harry was staring at me. Did he like what he saw? It looked like it. I couldn't help but check him out too. Jade green eyes that stared into mine with such intensity, it made me a little dizzy. I took in the rest of his beautiful face, thinking that he was quite fit. My eyes dropped to his red lips, and I didn't feel weird about kissing him anymore. I actually wanted to...

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved..._

"I'm gonna kiss you now, Ni, okay?" he whispered, and all I could do was nod and hope it wouldn't be awkward.

It wasn't. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it was perfect. We still swayed slightly in a tiny circle around the floor, Ed Sheeran playing softly in the background, as his lips pressed to mine sweetly. It lasted a few seconds, during which I thought, _I could get used to this._ I knew he wasn't Zayn, but...I liked it.

He pulled back and looked at me. "Was that okay?"

I nodded, a little impatient to have those lips again. "It was more than okay." We heard bumping around upstairs, and what sounded like Liam yelling at someone. I smiled. "I want a proper snog now, until we're interrupted."

He looked surprised. "Okay." I was the one to initiate it, boldly reaching up him. And so, we kissed over and over. Eventually, we stopped dancing, so wrapped up in each other. I pulled myself as close to him as I could go, his arms wrapping tightly around me. Yes, we were making out. I, Niall Horan, was snogging Harry Styles. Odd, isn't it?

_My heart's against your chest,_

_your lips pressed to my neck._

_I'm falling for your eyes,_

_but they don't know me yet..._

I don't know how long we were standing like that, but in the middle of a little tongue action, we heard simultaneous gasps. I pulled my face away with a smack and looked behind me. Louis, Zayn and Liam stood in the doorway. Lou and Z looked angry, and Li looked amused.

"I was going to say good morning, but it looks like you're already having one," Liam chuckled. I blushed and untangled myself from Harry (when had my leg hitched around him?).

"Good morning, lads. Did you all sleep well?" I fiddled with the leg of my boxers.

"I know I did," Harry said cheekily, turning off the music and grabbing my hand.

"Haz!" I protested, genuinely embarrassed. He just chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"Well, if you two lovebirds are done, I'm going to go pack." Louis stormed away looking furious. I cast a confused glance at Zayn, but he looked livid, staring at Harry with...hatred?

"Are you okay, Z?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"Yeah, sure, Ni. Harry, can I see you in the other room, please?" His eyes never left Harry, who looked at me, baffled. I shrugged and he followed Z out to the living room. I turned to Liam and pouted.

He rolled his eyes. "No, Niall."

"Please, Daddy? It'll be our last home cooked meal before the tour! We leave for the States in a few hours. Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplee eeeeeease?"

"Fine. What do you want?"

I grinned, went into the kitchen and sat at the counter. "Ham and eggs, please." He put the ham on the fryer, turned it on medium and leaned across the counter, smiling at me. "What?"

"So you and Harry, huh?"

I blushed. "Yeah...I guess..."

"You know, I was a little surprised to see you guys snogging."

"Why? He's erm...he's my boyfriend."

"Is he really, Ni?"

"Y-yes, I already told you-"

He leaned back with a grin. "I don't believe you."

"Why not?"

"I know you two just want to make Louis and Zayn jealous." I swallowed nervously. "Don't worry, Ni. Just to let you know, it's working."

"Is it? How do you know?"

He laughed, his brown eyes squinting almost shut. "You should have heard them talking after the two of you went up to bed on movie night. It was really funny. Zayn particularly."

My heart fluttered, full of hope. "Really?"

"I'd say...he's in love with you, he just doesn't realize it yet."

"I hope so...but what about Louis and Harry?"

"Not entirely sure, but he was definitely jealous. Definitely." Liam said something else, but I wasn't listening. My heart soared and my mind was filled with daydreams of Zayn and I, walking together, holding hands, going to dinner and to the cinema. It excited me to think that those dreams could be a reality.

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

Lou and I decided to both sleep with Liam because neither of us wanted to sleep alone in the other room, and Li's bed was big enough for the three of us. When he shook us awake, I didn't want to get up. Well, I never do, but especially that morning. I just wanted to sleep forever, but of course, Daddy wouldn't have that.

"Zayn Jawaad Malik, if you don't get up this instant!"

"Why?" I groaned. "We still have a few hours."

"Did you pack?"

"No," I mumbled.

"Well, go do it!"

"But Daddyyyy!" The world spun around me and suddenly, I was on the floor. "Ow! What was that for?"

He shrugged. "You wouldn't get your lazy arse out of bed, so I did it for you. I would have gotten water, but Lou's using the loo."

Louis came out of the bathroom then. "Oh, so you're alive then?" he asked me, laughing.

"Ah, go fuck yourself."

"Language, Zayn. Come on, lads, let's go wake up Niall and Harry."

Lou wrinkled his nose. "But what if they're...ya know...what if they..."

Li snorted. "I doubt that, love. Let's just go, yeah? Then we can all eat breakfast." We all put on trainers and sweats before heading to Harry's room. Li knocked and called their names, but no one answered. He opened the door to reveal an empty room. "They must be downstairs already." We headed down the steps and into the living room. Soft music was coming from the den. I exchanged glances with Lou, and we tiptoed over to the door. Neither of us could hold our gasps at the sight.

MY Baby Nando's was snogging Harry, his arms wrapped around the taller boy's neck and his leg hitched around his hip. I let out a low growl and I was close enough to feel Lou shaking in wrath. I glared at Harry when they parted, blushing, aware that some words between the other boys were exchanged, and Lou stomped away somewhere, but all I knew is that I had to talk to Harry and let him know his place. Niall asked me something, but I wasn't listening.

"Yeah, sure, Ni. Harry, can I see you in the other room, please?" He looked toward Niall, who shrugged before following me into the living room.

"What's up, Z?"

"What the fuck do you mean? I should be asking you that."

"What?" his eyebrows furrowed.

"How dare you steal Niall from me," I spat.

His green eyes were confused, but angry. "Steal him? Really? Because the last time I checked, you were into Liam."

"I still love Li, but Ni's MY best friend, and you took him from me! You took my Baby Nando's! How could you do that, Harry?"

"He's my best mate too, you know."

I could tell he wasn't going to cave. "Okay, fine. Fine fine fine. Date him. But I swear to you, Harold Edward Styles. If you do anything to hurt my Baby, I will hurt_ you_, got it?"

He rolled his eyes. "You mean, you're so-"

"Just shut the fuck up, Styles!" He flinched. "I'm telling you this only once." I moved closer, so our faces were inches apart. "You break his heart, I'll break your face."

"But...but..." He still looked both confused and angry. "Alright fine. But I'm telling Daddy you threatened me."

"You better not say a word," I growled.

"Why not, Zayn?" He yelled in my face. "You hardly even paid attention to Niall before now, and all of a sudden, just because he has a boyfriend, you're all protective and jealous?"

"You don't understand."

"No, you don't understand. Grow the fuck up, Zayn, because as much as you would like to believe it, the world doesn't revolve around you!"

I wanted to punch something, mainly him. "Fuck you."

"Sorry, I'm taken." He pivoted around and stomped up the stairs, his curls bouncing. I sank into the sofa and rubbed my temples. I know I can't get off this rollercoaster of life...but can I at least have a break?

**A/N: Sorry if it sucked, but at least you had some snogging, am I right? ;D**

**Hope your holidays are full of warmth, love, and family :D**

**Review please?**

**~Lulu xx**


	15. Snogging

**A/N: Hello! Wow, this was done sooner than I expected. It's 4 am and I have nothing better to do. Such is the life of a Directioner. Anyways, Narry action in this chapter. Slight smut. Hint of Lilo, suggestions of Ziall. Hope you likey. Also, please read the end notes. Enjoy.**

_**Louis' POV**_

Jealousy. Jealousy everywhere. I couldn't help but to pout when Harry ignored my invites to sit next to me in the car, on the plane, or in the van. He just sat next to Niall, and they talked, laughed and occasionally smooched.

"Stop looking like a kicked puppy," Liam said after we checked in to the hotel. Harry and Ni immediately voiced that they wanted a room together, leaving me, Li, and Zayn to figure out the other two rooms.

"I don't mind a room to myself," Zayn yawned. God, that boy could sleep forever.

"Well, Lou? Do you mind sharing with me?" My lip quivered as I watched Harry's retreating back. I shook my head quickly and took a deep breath to stop the oncoming tears. "So is it set, then?" I nodded and Li put his arm around me. "Okay, let's go up, yeah?" The three of us piled into the elevator and, once we reached our floor, went into our respective rooms.

I immediately ripped my jacket off, stepped out of my shoes and flopped on the bed closest to the door. "I'm tired."

"Well, we'll just make this an early night then." I heard him shuffle around for a few minutes, turn off the lights, then climb in bed. "Goodnight, Lou."

"Night." I stared at the door leading to the bathroom, unable to keep my eyes closed. True, my body was tired, but my mind was buzzing, filled with images of what Harry and Niall could possibly be doing holed in their room, all alone...

Alone. Exactly how I felt. A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. "Lou? You okay?"

"N-No," I sobbed pathetically, trying desperately to pull myself together. "C-Can I sleep with you, Daddy?" What was I, three?

"Of course you can, love. Come on." I jumped from my bed over to his. Okay, no I didn't, I rolled out of mine and stumbled to his, crawling onto it and into his arms. "Shh, it's okay."

"No, it's bloody not okay!" I nearly shouted. "My so-called best mate is practically ignoring me in favor of his new boyfriend!" Li let me vent, stroking my hair. "It's just not fair, you know? I mean, one minute, it's me he's laughing with, talking to, c-cuddling with, and now it's just Niall! Niall this and Niall that! Niall everything!" I clutched his t-shirt tightly and wailed all my frustrations into his chest, much like a toddler.

"So you're jealous?"

"Extremely. Harry was mine. Mine, and suddenly, he's not!" I started sobbing again.

"Now, wait, Lou, calm down. We're going to get to the bottom of all of this, okay?" I nodded. "Okay. Take a few deep breaths and just calm down." I did, still crying, but the tears were falling silently. "Now, Louis, I don't think it's fair to say Harry was only yours. True, he was your best mate, but I would say we're all pretty close-"

"But, Li-Li, he-"

"Shut up, Louis, I'm trying to talk to you." I closed my mouth obediently. "The way you're speaking of him would suggest that the two of you were in some kind of relationship." My eyes widened as I realized he was right. "Are you in love with him, Louis?" I froze, unable to form any kind of response. "Lou?"

"That...that's ridiculous, Liam. What...what kind of a question is that?"

"It's not ridiculous at all, Lou, and you know it. And the fact that you didn't answer the question makes me think that you are."

"I can't love him, Li."

"Why not? What would be so wrong about that? Plenty of people fall in love with their best friends. And they say that's the best kind of relationship to have."

My thoughts wandered. "But Liam, I'm in love with Eleanor."

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Are you?"

"Yes," I said firmly, and the way my heart fluttered when I thought about her only confirmed it to me. "I love her very much."

"It's possible to love more than one person at a time, too, Louis."

"You _want_ me to love him, don't you?"

"No, what I want is for all my boys to be happy, which none of you are right now."

"Harry and Ni are pretty happy..."

He sighed. "Whatever you say, Lou. I still think you need to figure your feelings out, then sit down with Harry and discuss them."

"But Li, every time I try to talk to him, he leaves, locks himself in his room, or Ni comes and takes him away." I stared into his warm chocolate eyes, pouting.

"Okay, baby, listen. When you're ready to talk to him, come let me know and I'll make sure you two get some alone time, okay?"

"But Niall-"

"I'll handle Ni, don't worry about it. Just let me know when you're ready, and I'll make it happen. But take your time."

"Okay." I sighed, somehow feeling much better. "Thank you, Daddy, night. I reached over to kiss his cheek at the same time he turned his head to respond and our lips met. I pulled away, shocked. "Oh my god!"

He managed to look both surprised and amused. "Tell me that was an accident."

I blushed. "It was, I swear! I meant to kiss your cheek, but you turned your head. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he chuckled. "At least you didn't attack me like Zayn did."

"Zayn kissed you?"

He sighed. "A story for another time. Maybe I'll tell you tomorrow, but for now, let's catch some shuteye, yeah?"

"Okay." I burrowed my face into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was strong, beating like a rhythmic drum, echoing soothingly in my ears, carrying me to unconsciousness.

–

_**Harry's POV**_

Niall and I were comfortably snuggled in one of the hotel beds, talking and laughing about everything and nothing at all. But I knew I had to make my confession before it killed me. "Ni?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"I like snogging you."

He looked over at me, blue eyes wide. "Me too," he said, blushing lightly.

"What does this mean, then?"

He shrugged. "I still love Zayn. That hasn't changed at all. Maybe we're friends with benefits?"

I laughed at my own stupidity. "Yeah, we are." I pulled him on top of me. "I would kiss you all day if I could."

"Really?" He blushed deeper.

"Yeah, really." I pulled his face down to mine, our lips connecting sweetly. That's what I loved about Ni. He was such a sweetheart, it came out through his kiss. I pondered that as the kiss deepened passionately. I rolled us over so I was on top, licking his bottom lip before plunging my tongue into his mouth, exploring every inch. He tasted like something sugary...cotton candy? He wove his fingers through my hair and unconsciously, I rocked my hips into his, making him pull away, gasping.

"Oh my god, Harry-" he groaned again as I set a steady rhythm, kissing his neck and sucking lightly, leaving red marks. "H-Harry..."

"Yes, love?"

"Are...are you going to...make love to me?"

I pulled back and stared at him. "What?"

He flushed a deep red and looked down. "Well, um... are we going to...um..."

I rolled off with a sigh. "Nah. I'll leave that for Zayn to do."

"But Harry, I..." I watched, eyes wide as he reached down and stroked himself.

"God, Niall! I'm so sorry! I didn't think..."

"It's okay," he mumbled, retracting his hand.

"No, it's not okay. I'll take care of you, alright?"

Half an hour later, he lay panting, curled into my side. "Holy mother...I've never...felt like that before..."

I grinned. "You might have even only woken up half the hotel." He blushed again. "Or maybe they only heard you in Russia."

"Harry!" He swatted me. "Stop! It's not my fault."

"I know, Baby Nando's, I'm sorry." I spooned against him. "Sleep time now, yeah?" He was snoring before I could even get the blanket over us.

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

Shameless. That's what they are. Can't they understand that there's other people in the hotel with them? Didn't they care my room was next to theirs and I could hear every wanton moan, every scream of Harry's name, every pant of "Faster!" Ugh. Disgusting, it was.

They finally calmed down and I slowly slipped to dreamland, thinking, _I wish that was me..._

I jumped at the thought, looking around in confusion. Did I really say that? Why would I wish that was me, making Niall moan like that? Why would I wish it was me Ni's eyes lit up for? Why would I wish it was me who kissed Ni till his lips bruised? Why would I do that?

I knew the answer, of course, but I didn't believe it, because there was just no way. "Holy fuck," I muttered under my breath, pulling on my pajama bottoms. I grabbed my room key and dashed into the hall, banging on Liam's door. He answered a minute later, blinking sleepily. "What is it, Z?" His eyes widened when they took me in. "Oh shi—go sit on the bed. I'll make a cup of tea."

I plopped down. "I don't want tea, Li. I want to know why."

"Why what, love?" he asked, sitting next to me and putting a comforting arm around my shoulder.

"I thought I was in love with you...but now, it looks like it's really Niall. What am I going to do? This is horrible!"

"Oh, honey," Li kissed my forehead. "I was waiting for you to realize it. It's perfectly fine that you love him. You need to tell him, though."

"How can I? He's dating Harry."

He chuckled. "Trust me, just tell him how you feel and everything will be fine."

"Won't Hazza be angry?"

"Zayn, listen to me." He lifted my chin and looked in my eyes. "Tell him the truth. Tell him you love him. Tell him how you discovered it. Then snog him for all it's worth."

"But Harry-"

"Don't worry about Harry, love. Just do what I said."

"Okay," I sniffed.

"Are you alright to go back to bed?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Um..." he cast an amused glance to his bed, where Louis was curled in a ball, snoring contently. "I already have a moocher, but you're welcome to sleep in this bed."

"Okay." I climbed under the cover, and he made to get up, but I grabbed his arm. "Wait. Stay with me til I fall asleep?" He nodded and lay next to me, rubbing my back soothingly until finally, I drifted. And as I drifted, I dreamed, of blonde hair and blue eyes. Of pink lips that hid braced teeth. Of a freckled face and neck. Of pale skin, of Ireland, of leprechauns. I dreamed of Niall.

**A/N: Awww, I think that end was sweet. And YAAAY, Zayn finally realizes his feelings! And Louis is beginning to. Anyways, I really hope you like the chapter. I'll update in a few days, maybe Tuesday. Review, yes? **

**Love you!**

**~Lulu xx (READ BELOW!)**

**Okay, just a sidenote, if you're reading me and Cyoneh's story, 50 Shades of Gay, I want to thoroughly apologize. I've been down lately, and it's really hard for me to write this story, plus that one. I want to say a huge THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU to FruityDirectioner for being so patient and understanding. We have finished the Zarry and the Larry, and after I edit them, they should be up, probably next week, after which, the story will be going on a temporary hiatus until this one's done. I am soooo sorry, loves, but thanks for your patience. **

**Also, feel free to check out my new story, Tell Me A Lie. I know, I just complained of the stress of having another story, I don't know what I'm doing, I must want to go mental, but just let me know what you think. It was sitting in my computer for ages, and I just want to know if anyone thinks it's any good. If not, I'll just delete it.**

**Thank you guys sooooo much. If you want, follow me on twitter, BooBearsLulu, and PM me your twitters so I can follow back.**

**My love for you is as big as Louis' bum...which is pretty big. xx**


	16. How I Wish That Was Me

**A/N: Hello, hello, everyone, and Happy New Year. To celebrate, here's a new chapter. I have to warn you, though, I am less than satisfied with this. In fact, I hate it. Yuck. Anyways, Narry, Zouis, and a very angry Liam.**

**WARNING: eating disorder**

_**Harry's POV**_

Niall and I were sitting on the couch, wrapped in our own little bubble. Well, I was sitting on the couch, he was on my lap. We were just talking, and trying to laugh off our pre-show jitters.

"Okay, everyone!" Liam clapped, getting our attention. "Now, let's go over our schedule. We start off with What Makes You Beautiful, One Thing and Gotta Be You..."

"Li," I interrupted. "We already know."

He nodded, clearly nervous. "Right. Right. Okay. We got this, guys."

"Yeah, we do," Ni said, pumping his fist in the air. "We own this show!"

"Calm down, Nialler," I giggled, squeezing him.

He blushed. "Sorry. It's just...I just..."

"It's okay, babe." I kissed him before he could say anything else.

"Boys, boys, snap out of it, look alive!" Paul shouted, coming into our dressing room. "Five minutes to show, let's move, move, move! Where's Louis and Zayn?"

We hurried to the door before Paul got angry. He's scary when he's mad. "I don't know, I haven't seen them."

"Well, they were in the hall, talking earlier," Li shrugged. "I don't know where they are now."

"Just get to the stage. I'll look for them." Paul rounded the corner and we walked down the hallway, following the arrows and the screams.

"Lads, we'd better hurry. Paul will-OH MY GOD!" Li stopped talking as we turned the corner. I gasped in horror and heard Niall do the same.

We'd found Lou and Z alright.

Snogging.

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

Lou and I got dressed before Harry and Ni showed up. Li was in the room with us, getting his makeup done. "Lou, I have to talk to you," I muttered to him.

"Yeah, sure, Z. Li, we're stepping into the hall, okay?" He nodded, so we went out. "Okay, what's up?"

"Um..." I was hesitant to say it with all the roadies, stage crew, and security walking around. "Can we find somewhere less populated?"

"I guess." He threw me a sideways glance as we walked around, and around, finally finding an abandoned corridor near the stage. "So. What's going on?"

"I'm in love with Niall," I blurted.

His eyes flew open. "Really?" I nodded, my cheeks flaming. "Well, I'm in love with Harry, so I know your pain."

"Oh, thank god someone does."

"I don't know that I'm gay, though, Z." Lou bit his lip. "I mean, I love Eleanor, I really do. But...Harry..."

"That's how I felt about Liam."

"Ah, yes, he told me about that."

"But why do I suddenly love Niall? It's ridiculous!" I punched the wall, furious.

"Whoa, Z, calm down."

"I'm so frustrated! I don't know how to deal with this!"

"Find a way to let it out without hurting yourself. Or anyone else."

I glared at him. "It's not that easy."

"I know how to calm you down," he grinned.

"Yeah? How?"

"Kiss me."

"Are you mad? Why would I do that?"

"Weren't you going to do that anyway, after our little texting episode?"

"You're right." I sighed. "You're lucky you're pretty." I pushed him back into the wall.

"I resent that! Girls are pretty. I'm handsome."

"For god's sake, Lou, shut up."

"But I-"

I pressed my lips to his, to make him stop, and he did. He also had soft lips, like kissing a feather. Okay, maybe not a feather. That would be weird. You know what I mean, though. It was nice, so I did it again, with a little more heat, gripping his waist tightly. His arms were around my neck, and I couldn't believe it was happening. Time seemed indefinite, and I almost began to think maybe I'd been crushing on the wrong guy.

"OH MY GOD!"

We broke apart and looked up to see the three shocked faces of our bandmates. Li looked angry, Harry looked hurt, and Ni looked like he was about to cry.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Liam yelled.

"Li-" I tried to explain, but he didn't let me finish.

"NO, THIS IS NOT OKAY! WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE TALKED ABOUT LAST NIGHT? HUH? DID THAT JUST DISAPPEAR, ZAYN?" I looked at the floor, disgusted with myself. "AND YOU, LOUIS! YOU WERE FUCKING CRYING! AND YOU GUYS DO THIS? I'M SO DONE WITH BOTH OF YOU! DON'T YOU DARE COME TO ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AGAIN!"

"Daddy-" Lou started.

"DON'T 'DADDY' ME, CUNT! I'M SICK OF YOUR BULLSHIT! JUST GET YOUR MICS AND LET'S DO THE SHOW! AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TALKING TO HARRY OR NIALL, OR I WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ARSES! HAZZA! NI! WITH ME!" He stormed into the tech room, dragging Harry and Niall with him.

I was thoroughly embarrassed as I turned back to Lou, who was a tomato. "Well, that was...um...unexpected," I murmured.

"I know. He hasn't yelled at me like that since that time I dropped a water balloon on his head right after he'd finished straightening his hair." Louis shuffled his feet. "I'm sorry, Z. It was all my fault. I shouldn't have even suggested it."

"Yeah, but I still did it, and I didn't have to." I sighed. "Let's just get our mics before he yells at us again."

–

_**Niall's POV**_

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Like, the mother of all understatements. Why the hell were they snogging? Were they dating? My eyes teared at the thought. Well, so what if they did. Louis' a hell of a lot cuter than I am. Of course Zayn wouldn't like me. I'm fat, ugly...useless. I bit back a sob and grabbed a mic, determined to have a good show. I wouldn't let him get the best of me. I looked over at Harry, who seemed just as down. Maybe he'd consider turning our 'relationship' into a real one?

The door opened and Z and Lou stepped inside. I ignored them and asked Harry where he wanted to go for dinner after the show. He just shrugged and fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt. "It's time, boys," Li said. Under his cool demeanor, I could see he was still pretty pissed. I glanced at Lou, who looked extremely guilty. "Let's go." With that, we left the room, parted the curtain and walked onto the stage. I was distracted, hardly paying any attention to what was going on. I hardly had any solos anyway. It wasn't until a soft tune floated through the arena, only partially drowning out the deafening screams.

_He takes your hand, I die a little._

_I watch your eyes, and I'm in riddles._

_Why can't you look at me like that?_

I glanced over at Zayn, then at Louis and decided that life sucked.

_When you walk by, I try to say it._

_But then I freeze and never do it._

_My tongue gets tied, the words get trapped._

_I hear the beat of my heart getting louder_

_whenever I'm near you._

I jumped into the chorus with vengeance.

_But I see you with him, slow dancing,_

_Tearing me apart cuz you don't see._

_Whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking._

And I felt broken beyond repair.

_Oh, how I wish that was me._

–

_**Louis' POV**_

_He looks at you the way that I would._

_Does all the things I know that I could._

_If only time could just turn back._

I watched Harry during his solo, wondering if he could understand how true those words were for me. The way Niall looked at him, was now the way I do. And I know I could make him smile, make those adorable dimples appear, those emerald eyes sparkle in the sun.

_'Cause I've got three little words_

_that I've always been dying to tell you._

I need to tell him. I have to, or I'll go mad.

_But I see you with him, slow dancing,_

_tearing me apart 'cause you don't see,_

_whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking._

_Oh, how I wish that was me._

More than even I knew.

_With my hands on your waist_

_while we dance in the moonlight._

It should have been me he was snogging, listening to Ed Sheeran.

_I wish it was me_

_that you call later on_

_'cause you want to say goodnight._

It won't be a good night unless Harry is next to me in bed, sighing it.

_But I see you with him slow dancing,_

_tearing me apart 'cause you don't see..._

It is tearing me apart. And now, he probably thinks there's something between me and Zayn, but there's not, there's nothing except a solid friendship. Harry is the one I love. How was I going to tell him that now?

_But I see you with him, slow dancing,_

_tearing me apart 'cause you don't see,_

_whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking._

_Oh, how I wish, oh, how, I wish,_

_Oh, how I wish that was me._

I watch Zayn as he finished the song, and his eyes were on Niall, who was holding Harry's hand.

_Oh, how I wish that was me._

Indeed.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

I had no idea what to say or what to think. Just last night, Zayn and Louis both had cried and whined about unrequited love, and look at this mess. They were all exchanging longing glances during I Wish, which irked me. Well, not Harry and Niall, but Z and Lou did. Man, I was going to kill them later. They came into my room at separate times, waking me up twice, to vent their confusion, and here they do this. What do I tell them? I tell them to talk to Harry and Niall. But do they do that? No. Instead, they go into the hallway to "talk" and snog!

...Did I mention I'm pissed? Well, I am. And I let them know that very well when we got back to the hotel. "Malik! Tomlinson! Where the hell do you think you're going?" I stopped them before they could sneak off.

They turned with guilty expressions. "Bed?"

"I don't think so. You're coming with me." I grabbed them by their ears and pulled them to the lift. They howled in protest while Haz and Ni looked on, amused. I got them to my room, closed the door behind me and proceeded to explode.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT EARLIER?"

"It was my fault, Li," Louis said, sitting on the bed. "I pulled him into it."

"Why?" I growled, unimpressed.

"There's no good reason why, Li. It just happened."

"You know what else happened, Lou? Harry's heart broke. So did Niall's, Zayn. How can you say you love them, then do something like that?"

"They did it first!"

"THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS SO YOU'D REALIZE YOUR FEELINGS, DUMBASSES!"

"They were?"

"But they had sex. I heard them."

"What you think you heard is far from the truth, and far from relevant right now." I paced back and forth, yanking at my hair. "The point is, for some reason, they love the two of you. Now, what are you going to do? Sit here in your guilt, or go after them?"

They looked at each other. "Well..."

"WELL NOTHING. LOU, STAY WITH HARRY IN HIS ROOM. ZAYN, TAKE NIALL TO YOURS. TALK THIS SHIT OUT, AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM EITHER OF YOU UNTIL THIS IS DONE. GO!" I pointed at the door and they left, casting me a worried glance before the door shut.

I collapsed on my mattress, exhausted. I hadn't yelled that much since Lou dumped a bucket of water on my hair, right after I'd pressed it to perfection. I sighed, worried about the two babies of the band. If Lou and Z were as big of idiots as they were acting...things would not go well.

My stomach tightened. Something was...off...and really wrong. I opened the curtain and looked out the window. Was it the fans? No, not too many fans. None of them looked hurt, at least. I felt sick, like I wanted to throw up. But why? I wasn't hungry, I didn't over eat at dinner. I hadn't had too many sweets, or any alcohol. I took a deep breath and made a cup of tea to try and relax. It didn't work.

I was about half done when there was a knock on the door. I opened it to see Lou and Z there. "Well? What happened?"

"Do you know if they went out? They're not answering the door."

There it was, the source of my panic. "Paul gave me an extra key. Hang on." I grabbed the key off the nightstand along with mine and almost ran down the hall to their room. Unlocking the door, I called their names.

"Um...we're in the bathroom," Harry answered.

"Thank God," I tried to calm down. "Are you alright?"

"We're um...we're fine." Then came the unmistakable sound of retching.

"Is Niall throwing up?" I jiggled the handle to the loo, but it was locked. "Open the door."

"Niall asked me not to, because he knew you would panic. He just felt queasy after dinner is all."

"That's all, you're sure?"

"Positive. We'll be out in a few."

"Alright." I didn't buy it for a second. I turned to the other lads, who looked just as worried. "Ni can't relapse guys, not right now."

"Maybe Haz is right, and he just felt sick?" Zayn said, but I could see even he didn't believe it.

The bathroom door opened, and Ni walked out, heavily supported by Harry. "Hey. I'll be fine, just a little sick...I think it was the mushrooms." I knew he was lying because I remembered he had grilled chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner. We helped him to lay down and I got him to drink a cup of water before letting him sleep.

"Alright, Harry, what really happened?"

He looked nervous. "I don't know. I was just...and he...so I helped him."

"You're not making any sense, which means it's bedtime. Go to sleep, we'll talk about this in the morning." I turned to the other two. "Lou, you sleep with Zayn tonight."

"But-"

"Oh shut up, if you can snog him, you can sleep with him too, now go." They left, grumbling, but why should I care, the sorry sots. I tucked Ni and Harry in before retreating to my room.

Stripping down, I crawled under the blanket and prayed that everything would work out. I would soon learn, however, that sometimes, you have to suffer. And there's nothing that can be done about it.

**A/N: I know, I know, you want to kill me. Well, it's like I said, I hate this chapter, buuut, eh, whatever.**

**Reviews would be nice, yes?**

**Also, I figured out why the Zarry for 50 Shades of Gay is taking so long. Because I don't like that chapter either. Sigh.**

**I'm really a horrible person. So sorry, FruityDirectioner. Please forgive me.**

**Also, pleasepleaseplease go read my new fic, Tell Me A Lie. Two wonderful people love it, and as much as I love them (I really do) I would love to know what the rest of you think of it. So, go R&R!**

**~Lulu xx**


	17. Relapse

**A/N: Hey. Yeah. Hi. Sad me, sad chapter. Hint of Narry, fussy Daddy, slight Ziall.**

_**Niall's POV**_

An alarm went off and my eyes popped open, pulling me out of a strange dream, complete with dancing jaguars and singing fish. I blinked a few times before hearing a rough voice. "Hello."

I smiled automatically and turned to face him. "Hi, Harry. How did you sleep?"

"I've had better nights." He smiled too, but it didn't reach his eyes. "How about you?"

"Strange dream."

"You need to...puke again?"

"No. Do you need to cut again?"

He bit his lip. "Not right now, but I have a feeling I might need to later." He sighed. "Well, better shower before Liam comes barging in."

"You can go first," I murmured.

"You can come with me, you know."

"I know, but...I'd rather...not."

"Alright." He went into the loo, and I tried not to laugh at his bare bottom jiggling. He sleeps naked all the time, but...hey, I'm 18, I have the grounds to be immature.

I heard the shower running, and concentrated on the soothing sound, trying my hardest not to think about Zayn and Louis snogging yesterday, which of course, was all I could think about. It hurt so much, when we got to our hotel room, I explained to Harry why my urge was so strong. He said he wanted to cut, and we decided to indulge ourselves and keep it between the two of us. No need to stir up panic on tour. We were fine...

_Nothing's fine, I'm torn._

Well, that wasn't helping. I wasn't torn, I just didn't know what I was going to do about the whole situation. Liam said he was sure Zayn loved me...but Z went off and made out with Louis. Not okay. My stomach rolled sickeningly, but it was empty, so I just had to endure the nausea.

Deciding I needed a distraction, I pulled my phone out and went on twitter. I typed out a quick message, thanking the fans for being so awesome the previous night. Within seconds, I got millions of responses, most of which were positive.

_Any time, Nialler! Xx_

_No, thank YOU for an amazing show! I had so much fun!_

_You all are such inspirations, thanks for being you! Follow back? X_

But, of course, there's negativity.

_Ew, shutup, Niall, no one even likes you._

_Why were you holding Harry's hand last night? Trying to break up Larry? #homewrecker_

_Don't ever touch Harry again. Your too fat and ugly for him._

I held back a sob. There it was. Strangers confirming what I already knew.

_Ew, Niall, your such a faggot, your infecting the other boys_

_Go back to Scotland, or whatever._

I couldn't help thinking they were right. What was I doing in a British boyband, and I'm not even fucking British? I knew it, I knew I wasn't good enough. I chucked my phone onto the carpet and curled in a ball. Not good enough for the fans, not good enough for Zayn...or Harry. I'm just...useless...

–

_**Harry's POV**_

Niall and I avoided Louis and Zayn as much as possible throughout the day. He seemed down, though. More down than before I showered. I asked him what was wrong, but he only shook his head and said nothing. Further interrogation will ensue.

I dragged him to different restaurants, cinemas, and parks, all where we stirred up a ruckus with fans, and ended up having to run for our lives. Security got agitated, so we headed back to the hotel and hung out with Josh and Dan the rest of the day, playing guitar and drums, and singing. Well, Niall played the guitar. I mostly sang and stole Josh's drumsticks. We had so much fun, none of us even noticed the time passing so quickly.

"There you two are!" Paul barked. "Let's go! In the van! Josh, Dan, Jon's waiting for you in the car. Let's move people! We have a show!" We all sprinted out of the door, none of us wanting to be on the receiving end of Paul's anger. I climbed into the van first. There was a space between Liam and Zayn, and one next to Louis. Zayn's eyes were locked on Niall, but I sat next to him, and Ni sat between Lou and the window. They were obviously less than satisfied with the arrangements, but they didn't say anything either. I sent Ni reassuring glances the whole ride. He only saw about half of them. When we got to the arena, I waited for Ni to climb out because I wanted to hold his hand. As soon as I reached for it, he shoved his hands in his pockets and made a beeline for the doorway. I frowned, and stared after him before Paul dragged me to the door, muttering about recklessness.

Everything up until the actual show was a blur. Li threatened Zayn when he refused to talk to Ni. I ignored Louis when he approached me as Lou Teasdale powdered my face.

"Harry, please. We have to talk about this," he pleaded.

I didn't know what he meant. If he wanted Zayn, that was fine. Whatever. I can't tell him who to love...even if I loved him first. Doesn't matter, right? The heart wants what the heart wants. I didn't tell him that, though, and he walked away, looking crestfallen. I tried not to feel guilty about that. It wasn't my fault he went around kissing his best friend when his other best friend is in love with him and catches them. Nope, not my fault at all.

Lou declared me finished, so I headed to the tech room to get my mic and ran into Zayn. "Oh, hey, Harry. Um, listen," he shifted around uncomfortably. "I'm sorry for kissing Louis. I know you love him, and it was wrong of me."

I placed a small smile on my face. "Zayn, I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talking about."

He frowned, confused. "But-"

"Five minutes to show!" Paul shouted, shoving Li, Ni and Louis in.

"Alright, boys, look alive," Liam said grumpily. "And don't forget to bloody smile. God, last night was the most depressing show I've ever seen. Narry and Zouis, play up the bromances."

"Why can't it be Larry and Ziall?" Louis grumbled.

"If you don't shut up, it'll be Narry and...whatever we're called."

Louis made a face and turned away.

"Three minutes to show!"

"Li, I'm nervous," I said, biting my lip.

"What's wrong?" He put his arm around me.

"I don't know. I can't help feeling..." I frowned at the sour tug in my stomach, "...like something will go wrong..."

"Aw, baby." He enveloped me in a warm hug. "I'm sure it's just pre-show jitters. We'll be fine, okay, love?"

I took a deep breath, nodding, but the feeling wouldn't go away. I bounced nervously on my toes as another roadie shouted, "It's show time, boys!" Our intro music started playing and I thought I might pass out as we walked on, the screams of thousands of girls deafening. I breathed deeply and faced the crowd, waving. I was just being paranoid. What could possibly go wrong?

–

_**Liam's POV**_

Not only did Harry tell me he was nervous about this particular show, Niall looked terrified about something. He masked it with a smile, waving at the screaming fans, but I knew something was wrong. I glanced over at Lou and Z, who had linked pinkies, but they looked fine.

"Hello, hello, everyone!" I said, as calmly as I could. Screams in response. "Thank you all for coming out to the show. We hope you enjoy yourselves tonight, and uh-"

"I love you, Liam!" someone shouted.

"Thank you, darling, love you too. Come on, lads, let's do What Makes You Beautiful, yeah?"

It was probably one of the best concerts we'd ever done. After the meet and greets and CD signings, we finally got to the hotel and once in my room, I collapsed on my bed, exhausted. That's one thing they don't tell you on the X-Factor. Living your dream is extremely tiring. And unfortunately, being Daddy Direction doesn't help any.

One minute, I'm slipping off to sleep, the next, someone's banging on my hotel door, yelling "LIAM, LIAM! LEEEE-YUUUUM! I KNOW YOU HEAR ME, COME ON!"

Silently damning whoever it was to the depths of hell for all eternity, I stumbled over to the door, swinging it open. "What? What the fuck do you want?"

"Li, it's Niall!" Harry looked panicked.

"What about Niall?" I asked warily, sure I didn't want the answer.

"He locked himself in the bathroom, I heard him throwing up, then silence. He won't open the door, and I can't knock it down. What are we going to do?" He pulled at his hair.

"Harry, your wrists are bleeding!"

"I know, Li, but that's not important!"

I wanted to yell at him, but we had to figure out what happened to Niall. I went over to the hotel phone and called the front desk, explaining the situation. They promised to send maintenance up right away. I sighed and pulled Harry into my bathroom and cleaned his wounds. "Harold, this has got to stop."

"I can't stop, Li," he whispered.

"I promised to help you, Harry. And I will. I'm here for you, you know that." He just nodded. "Niall throwing up yesterday wasn't mushrooms, was it?"

"No. He's relapsing."

"We're going to have to cancel the tour."

"What?" Harry looked horrified. "But we've already started!"

"Harry, we can't have a bulimic on tour. He needs professional help. He's going to have to go to a rehabilitation center."

"But I don't want him to," he pouted.

"Neither do I, baby, but...he needs it. We have to do what's best for him, right?"

He nodded. "You're right, Daddy, as always."

I kissed his forehead and finished dressing his wounds. "Now, let's see about this maintenance man, eh?"

–

_**Niall's POV**_

It was the girl, all her fault. No, it was mine for making everything she said true. There I was, at the meet and greet, signing CD's, smiling, having fans begging for a "Horan Hug," they called it. I hugged them, of course. I love all the fans. Everything was fine, and I was beginning to think maybe I overreacted at the twitter mentions. Until SHE showed up.

She was fairly pretty, her long brown hair in a braid over her shoulder. I watched her hug Zayn with a huge smile, her emerald eyes sparkling with admiration. It made me smile as well...until her eyes turned to mine and filled with malice. "Ew, it's you," she spat at me, and my face fell. "Why don't you go kill yourself, you Irish faggot. Nobody likes you anyway."

I don't remember much of what happened after that. None of the other boys could hear over the screams, and Paul was trying to stop one fan from jumping on Harry. They're all more important than me, I realized suddenly. Of course they are. They're funnier, more fit...more deserving of their place.

At dinner afterward, I stuffed my face as usual, but I knew what would happen when I got to the hotel. It was a different hotel this time, and we each had our own room. I kicked Harry out (he wanted to watch a movie) and locked myself in the bathroom. Fat, ugly, stupid, useless...

I kneeled in front of the toilet and let my emotions go. Every time I thought I was done, I had more, there was always more. This time, though, it didn't make me feel better. I felt impossibly worse, but somehow managed to flush the toilet and brush my teeth before passing out.

**A/N: Regardless of your thoughts right now, you should know that this story will be wrapping up very soon. Sooner than you think. Sequel? Probably not. We'll see. **

**Review?**

**~Lulu xx**


	18. Fairytale Ending

**A/N: Hello, hello everyone! Narry, Larry, Ziall, and just enough Niam to get your feels going. Also, please read end notes. Enjoy! xx**

**WARNING: extreme fluffiness and overuse of the words "I love you."**

_**Niall's POV**_

"No, Liam!" I yelled. "For the millionth time, I'm not going to a rehab center!"

"Ni," he pleaded, stepping in front of me to stop me from storming out of the room. "It's for your health. That's more important than the tour."

"The fans come first," I growled, unwavering.

"Niall. You're sick. You need help. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Fuck you, Liam," I spat, trying to get around him, but he pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Niall, I just care, that's all."

"I don't need you to care, not about me. Care about the fans. They'll have wasted their money on tickets, and it'll be my fault! No, I won't let that happen."

"Niall-"

I pushed him away, with more force than was probably necessary and stormed to my hotel room down the hall. Well, me and Harry were sharing again.

"Hey, babycakes," he greeted when I walked in. "How'd the talk with Daddy go?"

"I refuse to get hospitalized just because I need to puke sometimes." I was still very angry, and it came out in my voice.

"Aw, baby, come here." He reached for me from the sofa where he lay and pulled me into his chest, facing him. "I don't think you need it."

"I don't. The last few times were because I wanted to." I played with his shirt collar, secretly admiring his defined collarbones.

"I believe you. It's alright, Ni. Daddy can't make you do anything you don't want. Especially since you're eighteen already."

"You're right, Harry. But I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"What do you want to do, then?"

I grinned up at him mischievously. "Oh, I can think of something. Distract me." I offered him my lips, and there was no hesitation on his part to kiss them. I sighed happily as the kiss deepened and intensified, our bodies pressing flush against each other's, arms encircling the other tightly. _What the hell,_ I thought, opening my mouth for him. _You're supposed to be in love with Zayn, what are you doing?_ I mentally shrugged. _There's nothing wrong with snogging my best friend,_ I tried to convince myself. The convincing wasn't going too well.

–

_**Louis' POV**_

I was going to lose it if I didn't do something soon. I just had to tell him how I was feeling, or I'd explode. "Harry, can I please talk to you?" I begged once again, before our show.. As predicted, he ignored me, this time pushing past me toward the door. I caught him outside the dressing room and pushed him against the wall. "Now you're going to listen to me, Styles," I growled, trying not to smile at how alarmed his eyes were. "You're going to stop avoiding me, stop ignoring me, and just fucking listen, you got that?"

He nodded quickly, licking those red lips that I wanted to kiss so badly. And that's exactly what I did, reaching up and pressing mine to his. He didn't even protest, but kissed me back with just as much energy and wrapped his arms around my waist. I threaded my fingers through his hair, overjoyed at his response. After a while, he pulled away, gasping.

"I'm in love with you, Harold Edward Styles. And I want to be your boyfriend."

He didn't say anything for a minute, just stared. And slowly, slowly, that smile crossed his face, the one that rips me apart inside. "I'd be honored, Lou."

My lips were on his before he could say anything else, and I got lost in a world of Harry. I could only feel his hands on my back, only felt his soft curls tangling through my fingers, only felt his soft lips on mine, only heard our quick gasps of breath, only smelled him, the light cologne he uses, only tasted him as our tongues danced...

"Guys," I heard someone's voice behind me, but I wanted them to go away. "Guys, seriously. Guys!"

"Shut up," I groaned, nibbling on Harry's earlobe, smiling as he let out a breathy moan.

"LARRY!"

"WHAT?" We both turned at the same time, and Daddy was there, smirking.

"As cute as you two are, and I'm glad you're finally together, we have a show to do! So let's go!" He went into the tech room.

"Alright, Mr. Fussy," I grumbled.

"Don't worry, Lou. We have plenty of time later," Harry winked.

"Christ, I love you." I stole one more kiss before we went to get our mics.

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

I couldn't stand it. His smile, the way his eyes lit up as he talked to Liam, his cute as fuck laugh...it was all driving me mental. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to last. I needed him. I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against mine, and cuddle with him at night, rather than a pillow that I wished was him.

Swallowing my pride, I walked up to him. "Niall, can I speak to you alone, please?"

"Um...sure, I guess. See you later, Li."

I led him to a secluded area. Didn't really know where it was, but I didn't care, as long as we were alone.

"What's up, Z?" he asked, looking up at me with those crystal blue eyes.

"Niall, I've been wanting to tell you for a little while now." I took a deep breath. "I love you, Niall. I'm tired of hiding it, pretending my love for you doesn't exist. It does, and it's very strong." I took his hand in mine. "Will you be my boyfriend, Niall?"

He blushed and smiled. "I'd love to."

I let out a breath of relief and kissed the back of his hand. "Thank you." I twined our fingers, and with my other hand, cupped his face and brought it to mine, kissing him deeply.

Apparently, that wasn't enough for him because he threw himself at me with a strangled moan, shoving his tongue into my mouth. I reciprocated, with a light chuckle. I let him win and explore my mouth, just grateful that I could now call him mine.

"Oh, thank God," someone said. I pulled away to see who, and saw Liam standing there, looking genuinely relieved. "Now you'll stop moaning to me about how much you want him. Ten minutes to show guys. Hurry."

I nodded and he walked away, presumably to the tech room. "Thanks for giving me a chance, Ni."

"Oh shut up, you idiot." He rolled his eyes. "I was the one waiting for you!"

"I love you."

"I love you too." And with a few more stolen kisses, we stumbled around trying to find the tech room. We got lost a few times, but I didn't care, not as long as Niall was beside me.

–

_**Liam's POV**_

Well, it was about time. I was so glad to see Zayn and Ni together, and as I walked away, I thought, now if only I could get Louis and Harry together as well, only to bump into them snogging outside of the dressing room. Finally, finally, Daddy could rest.

Although, the show seemed longer and a little lonely on my part as I watched the new happy couples play up the bromances and drive the audience wild. Especially Harry, that cheeky bastard. He slapped Louis' arse twice, and Niall's three times. God, he's so sexual. I'm going to have to do something about that...but I have a feeling that talk will go nowhere.

I skyped Danielle when we got back to the hotel. She was having fun on the X Factor. I told her everything that was going on, and she said she was happy for me, as I was for her. She's so beautiful, and sometimes I just wish we could run away together and leave all this stuff behind. I told her that, and she laughed and said I watch too much Disney, which I resent completely.

Oh god, I'm boring you, aren't I? Well, you might be interested to know that after we said goodbye, Niall came bouncing into the room. "Guess what, Li?" he asked, jumping onto my lap.

"What is it, Ni?"

"I don't want to puke! And I'm not going to!"

"Good for you, baby!" I kissed his forehead and hugged him close, relieved.

"Also, I'm spending the night in Zayn's room, bye!" He bounded toward the door.

"Niall James Horan!" I called before he was completely out.

"Yes, Daddy?"

"Don't do anything stupid."

"Okay."

"In other words, don't have sex with him."

"Okay."

"I'm serious, Niall. Wait until it's right."

"Liam," he rolled his eyes. "Don't you think I know that?"

"Alright. You know I just worry about you."

"I know, Daddy, it's okay." He came back over to hug me again, burying his face into my neck. "I love you." He looked up at me with those big baby blues and I almost melted into a puddle.

"I love you too," I patted his back. "Now go, and tell Zayn he'd better treat you right."

"Okay," he giggled. "Night!"

"Night." The door closed and I happily collapsed in bed, mulling over everything that happened over the last few hours. Larry and Ziall finally happened. I grinned, thinking of the fans who "shipped" them. They had no idea how true it really was. "And they all lived happily ever after," I mumbled before drifting off.

But, unfortunately, life isn't always a Disney movie. Sometimes, you don't get the fairytale ending. And our new couples were about to find out just how true that is.

**A/N: Helloooooo! Oh, I guess this is my big speech. Okay, here we go.**

**Thank you sooooooooooooo much to everyone who reads my stories. You have no idea how happy you make me. Seriously, no idea. **

**I am so sorry for not updating TMAL or 50SOG lately. My mom took my laptop (long story) so now, I have so little time on the computer to update. Ugh. It's annoying me just as much as it's annoying you, trust me. **

**Also, who watched Josh and Joey's ****twitcam? CUZ JOSH GAVE ME A SHOUTOUT AND FDLAFDISADHFASJK NOPE. NiallersLulu**

**Anyway, sooooo sorry once again that 50SOG is out of order. With my mom taking my laptop and all, I lost the Narry, which means that will come before the Zouis because I have to write it while it's still fresh in mind. UGGGGHHHH!**

**I am such a pathetic excuse of a human being. I don't know why any of you bother. But thank you for bothering. I appreciate it.**

**I also love all of you (oh dear, I'm getting emotional).**

**God, this is long, but one more thing: Thanks soooo much to everyone who helped me out with coming up with plot twists for this story. Don't try to predict the ending. Because I've made it so you can't. Not at least for another few chapters. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.**

**Love you guys! Review?**

**~Lulu xx**

**P.S. Yes, the title was just to scare you :)**

**P.P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ZAYN MALIK, WHO'S 20 TODAY! :D**


	19. Trouble In Paradise

**A/N: Hi. Larry, LiLo, Ziall and Narry if you squint. Also, please read end notes_._**

**WARNING: eating disorder**

_**Niall's POV**_

We'd just finished a really great show with really loud fans that screamed our ship names at us as we passed them. I don't know how anyone could think I would date Louis, but to each his own. The point is, we were at our hotel, all of us relaxing in Liam's room watching some mindless movie that came on the telly. Zayn and I were tangled on the sofa, Louis was on Harry's lap in the armchair, and Liam was curled up on the bed.

"Hey, Niall," I heard a voice in my ear and turned to meet hazel eyes. "You know I love you right?"

"I love you too, Zayn." He smiled and kissed me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I threaded my fingers through his hair, moaning slightly as he slid his tongue in my mouth.

"Hey, no sex on the couch!" Louis called from across the room.

"Oh, shut up, Louis. You're just jealous!" I stuck my tongue out at him, irritated at being interrupted, and buried my face in Zayn's neck.

"Jealous of what? My boyfriend's cuter than yours."

"Excuse me?" Z sounded highly offended. "We all know I'm the sexiest one in the band."

"Don't flatter yourself, babe," Harry smirked. "All the ladies come after me."

"Oh please, Hazza. The only think working for you is that dimple."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You wanna bet, Bad Boy?"

"I could take both of you down," Louis said smugly.

"Lou, please. You scream homosexuality."

"I resent that! I'm not gay!"

"But Lou, you're dating me," Harry frowned, and he looked so upset that I wanted to comfort him. Blame it on the last few weeks of our bonding time, I guess.

Louis cupped his cheek. "You're the only exception, love."

His frown deepened. "Then why did you snog Zayn?"

"That was nearly a month ago!"

"But you never gave me a proper answer."

"That's because I don't know myself!"

"But you're not gay, right?" Lou gaped like a fish under Harry's hurt gaze. "Did you even break up with Eleanor?"

His cheeks flushed. "Harry, I...I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't cover it, Lou!" He pushed the elder out of his lap, who landed on his bottom with a loud protest.

"Trouble in Larry-dise," Zayn said, and I normally would laugh, but he was right. I'd never seen Harry so angry. Or hurt.

"You swore to break up with her!"

"And I will, Harry! I just want to see her-"

"Why? To make sure you aren't gay?"

"Come on, Hazza, that's not fair."

"You have some nerve using the word 'fair' with me."

"Harry-"

"Okay, both of you, stop!" We all turned to Li. "I don't want to hear another word about this! Go to your room and talk this thing out. TALK it out. Don't yell." He glared at them as they left. "And you two, go to your room as well."

"But Daddy-"

"No, Niall. I want some peace and quiet."

"But what are we going to do?" Zayn, the dear sweet stupid boy asked.

"Talk, snog, cuddle, do a twitcam, I don't give a fuck. Just don't do it here. Now get out."

So we did. We made out before actually going to sleep. Zayn drifted before I did, of course, and I wondered, just for a moment, how Larry was currently doing, and if they'd resolved anything. I also couldn't help but think, as sleep claimed me, that if Harry were my boyfriend, I'd treat him the way he deserved. He'd be the center of my universe, like Zayn is...

–

_**Liam's POV**_

I love my boys, I really do. But they wear me out, I swear. Daddy gets no rest. Ever. And this proved to be true many times during the tour. Anyway, after I kicked the lads out of my room, I tried desperately to get some sleep because I was dead tired. Like, super tired. I'd never felt like that a day in my life. So, I wanted to sleep as much as possible before we had to be up and about the next day. I was successfully drifting when there was a knock on my door. "Go away!" I yelled grumpily, irritated.

"Liam, p-please let me in."

Louis. I rolled my eyes and stumbled over to the door. When had each of my limbs suddenly weigh a hundred kilos? I blinked at the sudden bright light in the hallway. "What do you want?"

"C-Can I s-sleep with you? H-Harry kicked m-me out of the r-room."

I'd just noticed he was sobbing uncontrollably. "Alright, alright," I grumbled. I couldn't stand seeing any of my boys in pain, even if I was really tired. "Come on." We climbed into bed and he snuggled up to me right away. His crying stopped, except for occasional sniffles.

"I don't know why he hates me all of a sudden."

I groaned internally. "Louis, not to be insensitive, but could we talk about this in the morning? I'm really tired."

"Sure, Li. Goodnight."

I sighed thankfully, drifting off to dreamland.

–

_**Louis' POV**_

The first thing I registered when I first woke up was that it was really warm. Too warm. I turned uncomfortably in Liam's arms to face him. One glance at my watch told me that Liam should have been up already, waking the rest of us. I watched his stomach rise and fall with each breath. He was alive at least.

"Daddy." I shook him slightly. "Daddy, wake up." He only hummed and snuggled deeper into the pillow. "Liam," I shook him harder. "Wake up."

"Leave me alone, Lou. I'm tired."

That worried me because Li is the king of morning people. "Li? Are you feeling alright?"

"Just wake me up before we have to leave."

I did what my mom always does when she thinks I'm sick. I felt his forehead. "Jesus, Li! You're burning up!" I noticed how flushed his cheeks were, and felt like a complete idiot. "Oh god, I'll get Paul." I ran out of the room and down the hall, banging on our manager's door. "Paul! Paul!"

He opened up, looking surprised. "What's wrong, Louis?"

"Liam's sick. He has a fever." I was fidgeting with my hands nervously. Liam never got sick. Ever. "Do you have a thermometer?"

"I do. And a fever reducer. Go stay with him. I'll be there in a few."

I nodded and went back to the room, fretting. I was completely useless at times like this. Or at least, I felt that way. "How do you feel, Li?"

"I feel awful and I just want to sleep."

Thankfully, Paul came in then, carrying a small bag. "Liam, I know you feel like shit, but I'm going to need you to sit up, okay?"

"No," he whined pitifully. "Sleepy."

"Li, please," I begged him. "You have to."

He sighed and looked up at me with chocolate puppy-dog eyes. "Help me?" I put one arm behind his back and pushed him up, propping pillows behind him.

"How's that?"

"S'okay."

"Open." Paul stuck the thermometer in his mouth and waited for the beep before removing it. "Forty degrees celsius." (**that's 104 degrees F**)

"Forty?" I thought I might cry. "That's awful! How did he get so sick so fast?"

"Could've caught it from one of the fans. Liam, you need to take these." Two little red pills were produced from the bag along with a bottle of water.

"No."

"Li, you have to take them, or you won't get better."

"Sleep."

"Li, please," I begged. "Take the pills, then sleep."

"Okay, mummy," he mumbled and I decided to blame that on his sleepiness for the sake of my own sanity. I took the pills and water from Paul and gave them to the sick boy, who popped the pills and sipped the water.

"No, baby, drink the whole bottle," I tried to coax him.

He frowned, looking much like a toddler about to cry. "But I don't wanna!"

"Please, Li? For me?"

"Okay, mummy." It was a slow process, but after a while, the bottle was empty. "Sleep now?"

"Wait, let's get you out of these clothes." He tried to protest, but I shot him down and made him strip to his boxers before letting him sink under the covers and sleep. After I tucked him in, I looked up to see Paul staring at me in shock. "What?"

"You handled that better than I did." He packed up his bag and headed to the door. "If he doesn't eat, at least give him plenty of fluids."

"Yeah, I know. I need to make a cold compress too."

"Right. Let me know if there's any change. I'll handle the press."

"Okay." He left and I turned back to the murmuring Liam with a sigh. Babysitting time.

–

_**Zayn's POV**_

Niall, Harry and I still had to do interviews and meet and greets while Liam was sick. Louis insisted on staying with him, even though Paul wanted to call a professional. We all knew it was because he and Harry were fighting, we just chose not to talk about it. I wasn't in love with Liam anymore, but I still missed him.

Without Lou to joke around with, the day was quite boring. Don't get me wrong, I love the fans, but sometimes, they're a bit stressful, and Lou goofing around would relieve the tension. Niall must have really felt it, or so I thought, because toward the end of the last meet and greet, he turned a little green and as soon as it was over, he hopped into the van first.

"You okay, Nialler?" I asked, sliding in next to him. He nodded, not meeting my eyes. "No you're not. What's wrong, babe?" I rubbed his arm and he cringed away.

"N-Nothing. It was just a long day is all."

I nodded and turned away, but I knew he was lying. I decided not to push it until we got back to the hotel. He dashed to the lift, which left before me or Harry could get on, and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"You know what's going on?"

I shook my head. "Not a clue." The next lift came and we got off on our floor, saying quick goodbyes before parting ways. "Niall?" I called out as I walked into the room. After a moment, I heard the unmistakable sound of vomiting. "Shit!" I tried the door to the bathroom, but it was locked. "Niall, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." More puking.

"You're clearly not. Let me in, Ni."

"I'm fine. I'll just brush my teeth and go to bed." After he finished, he came out and pecked my lips. "Love you, night." And with that, he climbed into the bed.

"Niall." I crawled in beside him and he snuggled into me. "Are you relapsing, babe?" He stiffenend in my arms.

"No."

"But you-"

"Drop it, Zayn."

"Niall, for heaven's sake-"

"I said fucking drop it, okay Zayn? God!" He turned away from me, curling in on himself. I sighed and spooned agaainst him. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"I'm fucking pissed at you. I don't wanna cuddle!" He shoved my arm from around him.

"Niall-"

"Ugh!" He moved to the bed next to the window. "Now will you leave me the fuck alone?"

"Niall, come on! You're being unreasonable!" He didn't respond. "Niall, please let me in. I'm trying to love you."

"Well, maybe I don't want you to!"

I bit my lip hard at that. "Okay, then. I won't." I rolled over so my back was to him and let the tears fall silently.

**A/N: Yes, hello. I know it's been a long time. It's because I don't have a laptop anymore, and my mom deleted my account from the house computer (I can't imagine why) which means that everything I wrote is lost. It kinda pisses me off because God, I had some beautiful things lined up, and now I have to rewrite everything.**

**Just to let you know, 50SOG is going on hiatus. Really this time. I lost the three chapters I was going to upload and ugh. I can't do it while writing this and TMAL. I do promise though, that I will keep all your requests and as soon as I'm done ****these two stories, Cyoneh and I will finish it. I promise.**

**Um...yeah, so TMAL will be updated sometime this week. Maybe Wednesday. Dunno yet.**

**If you're sticking with me through all this mess, I thank you very deeply. I also love you all very much.**

**Review if you want.**

**~Lulu xx**

**P.S. For those who want a sequel, I actually have an idea, BUT it probably won't be as long, IF I write it. Still not sure if I will. Also, if I do, it won't be until 50SOG is completed. Thanks guys. Love you.**

**P.P.S. Also, someone was worried about death in this story. THERE WILL BE NO DEATHS. I hate them. They make me cry, so I won't be doing any.**


	20. Shattered

**heyo. sorry for taking so long, as i said in 50SOG. but anyway, here it is xx**

**Liam's POV**

I felt like shit and I hadn't even opened my eyes yet, nor did I want to. There was no way I was getting out of bed. The fans would understand. On the other hand, I really didn't want to let them down. I opened my eyes, blinking around the dim room. Groaning, I rolled out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom, and opened the door.

"HOLY SHIT!" Louis screamed, quickly covering himself with a towel

I covered my eyes. "Jesus, Lou. Lock the door next time, yeah?"

"Or you can fucking knock, Li!"

"This is MY hotel room, Louis! Now get out of there, I have to pee."

"Why are you so grumpy?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because my head hurts? Now get out!"

"Alright, alright, geez!" He scrambled around, picking things up, and walked out. I slammed the door and proceeded to shower, brush my teeth and shave. Feeling a bit better, I went back into the bedroom, dropping my towel along the way. "Wow, Li. You really are ten inches, aren't you?"

"JESUS FUCK!" I shouted, turning toward the voice.

Louis sat in the armchair smirking and sipping a cup of tea. "Such language."

"You gave me a heart attack!" I put my hand over my heart and took deep breaths, trying to slow the pounding. "Next time, just say something, alright?"

He only raised an eyebrow, his grin growing mischievous. "I love that you're completely naked right now."

I shrugged and pulled on a clean pair of boxers. "Nothing you haven't seen before." He didn't say anything as I looked through my clothes.

"What if it's something I want to see more often?"

I stared at him in shock, and for a minute, I had trouble breathing. "What?" I finally asked when I got my air back.

He shrugged. "You're hot, Li. I'm not surprised Zayn liked you."

I shook my head. "You are the weirdest creature I've ever come in contact with."

"What are you ta-"

"No, shut up, Louis, okay? Just shut the fuck up!" I glared at him. "Don't you dare fucking hit on me after crying to me about Harry, okay? Don't fucking do that!"

"Li, I-"

"NO, LOUIS, OKAY, JUST NO."

He put his tea down, sat on my bed and patted the spot next to him. "Come here."

"What?" I asked warily, going to stand next to him.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Li. I won't bite."

"Alright, what?" I sat, still frowning at him.

He looked in my eyes, his own a piercing blue. "Thank you, for everything. I really appreciate everything you do for me, for us, as a band. It's really incredible. I think YOU'RE incredible." He leaned in a little. "I mean, I know I'm the oldest, so I should really do everything that you do, but you're more mature and...so much better than me." He leaned even closer.

I shifted away a bit, suddenly uncomfortable. "Lou, what are you-" I was cut off by his lips pressing to mine. I was still, shocked into silence. He whined needily, wrapping his arms around my neck, his soft lips moving urgently against mine.

"Louis." I tried to pry him off. "Lou, no, this is wrong."

"Don't care." He attacked me again, pushing me down on the bed and straddling my hips. "I'm gonna make you feel so good..."

"Louis, no!"

"Yes!" He hissed, kissing down my neck.

"LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON, IF YOU DON'T GET OFF ME THIS MINUTE, I WILL RIP YOUR LIVER OUT AND FEED IT TO A DOG!"

He pulled away pouting. "What's wrong, LiLi? Why can't we just have a little fun?"

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, LOU, MAYBE BECAUSE I'M TAKEN, NOT TO MENTION STRAIGHT?"

He dipped his head. "Sorry."

I breathed slowly, trying to calm my rage. "Now, whatever you and Harry fought about, you need to fix it. I love you, Lou, but like a brother, nothing more."

"You're right. I'll go right now." He left the room, still seemingly down, but I knew once he made up with Harry, he'd be back to himself. Which I hoped happened immediately. We had an interview later.

The door burst open to reveal Louis, sobbing. "Liam! H-He doesn't...I th-thought...I just..."

Cautiously, I put my arms around him and he latched on to me, crying into my neck. "Shh, it's okay Lou. It's okay."

"He doesn't l-love me anymore!"

I lay in the bed, pulling him with me. He didn't try anything, only continued to let out broken sobs. I didn't ask what happened. I knew he wouldn't be able to tell me. But Harry better have a good reason for making Lou cry like this...

**Harry's POV**

I'd stayed the night with Niall, after he couldn't stop throwing up. Apparently, he'd broken up with Zayn. He wouldn't tell me why though.

"Come on, Niall," I practically begged. "Tell me why."

"I can't, Harry."

"Do you still love him?"

"Of course!" He looked offended, but I was still confused.

"I don't understand," I frowned. "Why would you dump him if you still-"

"Zayn deserves better than me," he whispered, fiddling with his hands.

"That doesn't make sense for two reasons. One, it doesn't get any better than you. And two, *you* are the one he wants to love. He loves you more than anything. Why can't you accept that?"

"I don't want him to want me."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." I threw my hands up in exasperation. "All that work we did, all that pining and heartbreak you went through, and now you changed your mind?"

"It's more complicated than that, Harry."

"Then enlighten me. Please."

He sighed and shook his head. "I don't really wanna talk about it."

"Then at least tell me why you were throwing up?"

"Don't really wanna talk about that either."

"But-" He cut me off, pressing his lips to mine softly.

"No, Harry. I don't wanna think about it." He kissed me again, and before long, it turned into a full snog, and I pulled him into my lap. He straddled me, slipping his tongue into mouth. I thought about just how wrong it should have felt, but it didn't. It felt bloody incredible. Our tongues danced as we fought for dominance. I won, flipping us so I was on top.

"Please, Hazza," he mumbled against my lips. "Make me forget...just for a little while."

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. They were full of emotion. Hurt, guilt, sadness, lust...desperation. I nodded. "I'll make you feel good, Ni."

Nearly an hour later, I collapsed, exhausted. "How was that?"

"Fantastic," he panted. "I still want you to make love to me."

"Maybe one day, Ni. Now come here, leprechaun, I wanna cuddle." He giggled and snuggled up to me, our arms wrapping tightly around each other.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you...do you love me?"

"Of course."

He looked up at me, blue eyes twinkling. "I love you too." He pecked my lips before yawning and burying his face into my chest. A few minutes later, soft snores filled the room. I sighed, thinking about the current situation.

I loved Louis. I did. But there was no way I was going to be the other woman. No way. I was gonna help break Eleanor's heart. We used to be close. Until that one day I introduced her to Louis. Why he decided to visit the bakery the one day we had off was beyond me. He didn't even live in Cheshire! I shook my head. I think I'm a good boyfriend, so I think I deserve to at least have *all* of Louis.

Willing away my irritation, I let my eyes drift shut. I could at least get a few hours' sleep before the interview. I could try, at least.

**Louis' POV**

I only kissed Liam because I missed Harry so much. I knew I was wrong for dating him without breaking it off with Eleanor, but...I didn't want to break up with her. She was beautiful, sweet, understanding. The perfect girlfriend. I didn't wanna just drop her like that.

*But you're in love with Harry, you dumb shit.*

I know. But I love Eleanor too!

*You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have to pick one.*

I want both!

*Well, you can't have both. Just think about it. The sooner you tell Eleanor, the better. The longer you keep her in the dark, the more she's gonna hate you.*

El would never hate me...would she?

*You never know.*

Oh, who asked you?

*Talking to yourself, Lou? Not healthy.*

Ah, go fuck yourself.

*Sure you wanna sank with Liam in the bed?*

Frustrated with my own thoughts, I tried to think of something, *anything* else, but all that I could think about were the moans coming from Niall's room. Harry's low grunts of pleasure and what had to be Niall going *"Harry, faster!...fuckfuckfuck...yes...so good..."* That's when my already broken heart completely shattered.

I flinched, my heart breaking all over again. Suppressing sobs, I pulled out my phone and called Eleanor.

"Hello?"

As soon as I heard her voice, I wrenched away from Liam and ran to the bathroom, locking myself in.

"Hello? Louis?"

Then I let it out, I let it all out. Half sobbing, I explained the whole situation, everything that happened, from the beginning. When I came to a sniffling end, she was quiet. "I'm so so sorry, El."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" she whispered, voice full of tears.

"I don't know. I should have, from the beginning. I messed up, I know I did, but if you forgive me-"

"It's alright, Lou. I just wished you would have said something in the beginning."

"You're so good to me, El." My heart was pounding in my chest, relief flooding me.

"You were a good boyfriend, Louis."

Relief was replaced with panic. "Were? You're breaking up with me?"

"Lou." She spoke softly, her voice full of sadness. "You broke it off with me."

"When? What are you talking about? You're breaking it off right now!"

"No, Louis. Our relationship was over the moment you kissed Harry. I just didn't know it." Her voice broke then, and she started crying. Goodbye, Louis. I hope you find happiness one day."

"El, wait!" She had already hung up. "Dammit!" I kicked the wall, hard, stubbing my toe in the process. Howling in pain, physical and emotional, I sank to the floor, letting the agony wash over me. I heard Liam knocking, asking if I was alright. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't breathe. Even after he got a key and unlocked the door, pulling me into his arms, I couldn't respond. I couldn't even cry.

I was...shattered.

**yoyoyo, was happenin mah homies? (i'm not even hood, i can't even pretend oh well) **

**sooo...review, yeah?**

**~Lulu xx**


	21. Perfection

**hiiii, this chapter's dedicated to Maxi okay bye.**

**Harry's POV**

It was hard for all of us. Everything was hard. Smiling at the screaming fans, singing all those goddamned love songs, answering the same fucking questions over and over in all the interviews, pretending everything was fine. But nothing was. No matter how we laughed in videos, smiled at flashing cameras, or flirted onstage, it hurt, everything hurt, and we were all falling apart.

It was a rare day off for us. Later we'd all go out to dinner to let the paps have some pictures, but for now, all of us wanted so desperately to rest. I was exhausted, and behind the lads' charades, I could see they were too.

I clung to Niall as he slumbered on, burying my face in his blonde locks, seeking comfort in his warmth. I thought over the situation with Louis. I hadn't gotten back with him even though he finally broke up with Eleanor. I would have welcomed him back with open arms. The thing is, he was still hurting over their breakup. According to whatever Liam managed to get out of him, it hadn't gone the way he wanted, both of them walking away with an understanding that though they loved each other, maybe it wasn't meant to be after all. But when he realized what happened, when he understood that she no longer wanted to even try, it completely broke him.

I partially blamed myself. If only I had waited until they'd properly broken up, he would have only had to tell her that he thinks he loves someone else, not that he cheated on her. I should have pushed him away that first time he leaned in to kiss me. I should have reminded him of that beautiful girl he had waiting for him back in Doncaster. I should have made sure he explained everything to her. I should have denied him all those nights we spent in bliss, loving each other in the most intimate of ways. I should have. But I didn't. And now he was suffering from it. *I hate myself,* I thought, clenching my fists, infuriated with myself. I needed to be punish. I needed...

"Harry?" Niall croaked, looking up at me, his beautiful blue eyes cloudy with sleep. "What's wrong?"

It was then that I realized I was crying. "I need to cut," I whispered.

He shook his head, wrapping his arms around me. "You shouldn't. You already did last night."

"I need to, Niall," I sobbed. "I need it."

"Harry, please! You're better than this!"

"I need it. I need to. I need my razor."

"I stopped throwing up. You can stop cutting."

"I don't want to," I sniffled.

"I didn't want to stop puking, but you got me to stop. Remember how?" I just sniffed again. I did remember, but I didn't want to. "I told you every time I wanted to, and you would kiss me, tell me I'm beautiful, that I don't need to hurt myself to feel better. After a while, I believed it. So I'm going to do the same for you."

I shook my head fast. "No..."

He grabbed my face with both his hands and forced me to look in his eyes. "Harry Edward Styles. You are a beautiful human being. You're gorgeous, sweet, caring, honest, true, and I love you with all my heart. This body-" he ran his hands up and down my sides "-this *soul* is perfect. Don't let a bad feeling tell you it's not." Tears were pouring down my face. "You." He kissed my forehead. "Are." My right cheek. "Pure." Left cheek. "Perfection," he whispered the last words before pressing his lips softly to mine.

**Zayn's POV**

I had a right to be jealous. After all, he was mine. Maybe not anymore but...I refused to let him go. He's my Baby Nando's, no matter how much that charming slut Styles tries to take him away. He is mine and will always be mine.

Pacing my hotel room alone, I plotted and schemed a way to get him back. He was all I could think about, all I dreamed about. Dyed blonde hair, sapphire blue eyes, soft pale skin, pink rose petal lips, braced teeth, red polos, supras...and that fucking adorable laugh.

*Fuck,* I thought, laying on my bed with a groan. I'm in way to deep. I'm also completely, truly, screwed.

**Louis POV**

I don't know what to think anymore. I must be going insane. I know I'm the cause of all the tension and awkward silence between the five of us, even though no one will say it. Or they do, but only when they think I'm not listening.

But I am. I take in every word that's breathed when they're close enough to me. They think I space out because I'm traumatized by me and El's split, which I was, but now, it's just to save me from another heartbreak. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop the fact that I'm falling in love.

And it isn't with Harry.

I try distracting myself from the pain using Harry and Niall's methods. I was curious. Once during a shower, I grabbed a razor and dragged it over my hip. Blood oozed out as the skin was ripped apart and I almost cried out in pain. I didn't understand how Harry stood it.

Then a few days later, when Li stepped out to have a chat with Zayn, I stuck my finger down my throat, emptying my lunch into the porcelain bowl. That was almost worse than the cutting.

Recently, I found something that suits me much better. Much to Daddy's disapproval, I began smoking with Zayn. Well, not really smoking, just pretending to. I would 'smoke' the cigarettes almost all the warm down, and pretend to throw awy the stub. But in reality, I'd squish it out and pocket it. Later, alone in the bathroom, I'd light it up again and press it into my hip.

I breathe deeply as the sharp pain hits me. It's a good kind of pain. It takes away my worries for just a little while as I concentrate on the searing pain.

I smile, thinking of the man who caused me so much pain, thinking of how amazing he makes me feel. Thinking that he probably doesn't even know how wonderful he is.

His name should have been 'Perfection.'

**Niall's POV**

I feel so guilty. I'm bubbling so much with joy that IT want to explode, but I can't show it. Not with all the other lads being so down and my attempts at cheering them up failing miserably.

So instead, I smile internally at my success of Harry stopping Harry from cutting. I don't know why he'd want to even ruin that beautiful body of his. He told me I was beautiful too, but I knew he was only saying that because he felt obligated to, because he didn't want me to throw up anymore. It was still nice to hear.

Zayn stared at me from across the table. I ignored him, training my eyes on Liam. I knew I should talk to Z sooner or later. I still loved him, but I wasn't sure I did want him back. He deserved so much better than me. He deserved someone just as breath taking as he is, someone more charming, someone he can truly love without worrying about his image.

I bit my lip looking down at the plate the busty waitress set in front of me, and somehow knew, I just *knew* that if I swallowed anything, my night would be spent chucking it back up into the toilet.

"You alright, Ni?" Harry murmured.

I shook my head. "I can't eat it."

"Why not, baby? What's wrong?"

"I'll throw it up," I whispered back, ashamed.

He put his fork down and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, okay?" I nodded. "You should try anyway."

I shook my head again, looking around the quiet table. Zayn looked pissed, shoveling food into his mouth sloppily. Liam picked at his food, his face fixed into a frown. Louis stared straight ahead with dull eyes, seemingly not taking in a thing that was going on.

Harry didn't try to get me to eat again, but still left his arm around me. I got a 'doggie bag' to take my food with me back to the hotel, not that I wanted to eat it. I ended up giving it to a homeless guy who looked half-starved, begging for change. He thanked me profusely and dug in immediately. I couldn't help but smile, stopping guiltily as Louis' blank eyes went from the hungry man to me.

He turned away without a word, walking back to the hotel. I sighed and followed. It's a sad day when a man can't even laugh.

**WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE IDEK JLDA9FDJKLAHFADLKFUDIAD**

**yeah, so review?**

**~Lulu xx**


	22. Game On

**was happenin mama? (and papa...i guess? O.O) yeah, sorry, I'm lame. Enjoy xx**

**Liam's POV**

I didn't know how I was even breathing, how I was still alive. I never slept anymore. When I wasn't doing a concert, being at a really repetitive interview or forcing myself to eat, I was doing my best to comfort Louis.

He cried. And cried and cried and cried all night. Of course, whenever I tried to take a night for myself, I felt so guilty that I ended up going to try and comfort him anyway. I would pull him into my arms, whisper nothings into his ear and stroke his hair. On good nights, he'd fall asleep again after a while. It was getting to the point of irritating. I mean, Niall had PTSD and wasn't this much of a hassle to deal with. I didn't understand. Lou's been through breakups before.

Groaning, I shut the alarm off. "Louis, come on, get up."

"No," he grunted. "Tired."

I wasn't in the mood. "We're all bloody tired, arsehole. Now, get up and shower."

He pouted, but sat up and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "You're so mean to me, Li."

I simply pointed to the white door. "Bathroom."

"Fine." He grabbed a towel and clean boxers before going in the other room.

"Don't drown yourself!" I yelled after him, but only heard the shower being turned on. I'd have to check on him anyway. After checking up on Zayn. I crossed the hall to his room, not caring I was still in boxers. When my knock wasn't answered, I used the spare key.

Zayn lay halfway under the duvet, cuddling a pillow and snoring softly. I smiled at the sight. He looked almost...peaceful. Shaking him, I called his name softly, then louder.

"Hmm...Niall?" he asked, cracking an eye open.

"Nope, Liam. Get up and shower. Paul's taking us for breakfast."

"No," he whined pitifully into the pillow. "Sleepy."

"Zayn Malik, I swear, if you don't get up this instant!"

"Whyyy? I wanna sleeeeeeep..." He yawned and rolled onto his side.

"Did you take sleeping pills again?"

He looked up at me, biting his lip. "Maybe?"

"Zayn! I told you, no more bloody sleeping pills! You take them too much! You're going to get addicted!"

"But I'm just so fucking _tired_ all the time, and...I miss him. I miss him so much, it hurts!" He started sobbing and I sighed internally as I took him into my arms, wondering what I'd done wrong in my past life to deserve this.

"I know, baby, I know. Let it all out, yeah?" I let him cry for a few more minutes, until I got anxious. "You have to shower, honey. I need to check on Louis, alright? I'll be back."

He sniffed and nodded. I let him go and watched him grab a pair of boxers and enter the bathroom. When I heard the shower running, I went back across the hall and knocked on the door to the loo.

"Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm coming in now."

"Okay!"

I walked in, gave a quick peep behind the curtain to make sure he was okay, then went to check on Niall and Harry, or should I say, the lovebirds.

**Harry's POV**

Niall was watching me anxiously. I rolled my eyes. "Will you relax, Nialler? I said I wouldn't do it again, so I won't."

He nodded, but his expression didn't change, and he was chewing his bottom lip in worry.

I sighed again. "I'm sorry, alright? I just..." I ran a hand through my matted hair. "I don't know what happened."

"You cut too deep, is what happened," he frowned. "And in the bathtub, no less!" He pulled at his messy blonde locks. "You have no idea how fucking scary that was! I thought...I thought you were dead already! I thought...I thought I'd lost my best friend!" He threw himself on the bed and wailed.

I was exasperated. Everyone knew I cut, especially Niall. I sat next to him on the bed, rubbing his back. "I'm sorry, Ni. I am. I didn't mean to cut so deep. I just...I needed to feel something...something more than _this_, than this depression and emptyness everyday. The constant loneliness...it fucking hurts!"

"Loneliness?" He lifted his head, blinking tears out of his big blue eyes. "But you have me..."

"It's not that, Niall. Sometimes...I just miss him, you know?"

He got a distant look. "Yeah. I know. But at least you can be with Louis if you want to."

I frowned. "You make it sound like you can't be with Zayn or something?"

"I couldn't if I wanted to. He deserves better than me."

I groaned. "Babe, how many times do I have to say, it doesn't get better than you. I love you, Niall, for who you are. Nothing more, nothing less."

"I wish you would stop. I'm not worth anything."

I pulled him into my lap, lifting his chin, forcing him to look in my eyes. "I'll do no such thing. I'm going to tell you how beautiful you are whether you want me to or not. I'll spend eternity telling you, if that's what it'll take for you to believe in yourself. I believe in you. We all do."

He swallowed heavily, looking down again, a light blush covering his cheeks. "But I don't want you to," he mumbled. "I'm stubborn, Hazza, if nothing else."

"What do you mean?"

He played with his fingers, refusing yo meet my eyes. "I know you love Louis, but I don't want you to. I want you to love just me, but you and Lou work out so much better. I don't want you to love him." His voice dropped to a whisper. "_I_ want your heart."

I sat in shock as he got off my lap and ran out the door. Well, isn't this fun. I'm in a world famous boyband (well maybe not yet, but it's getting there) with my four best mates, one of them whom I am I love with, but still not talking to because we broke up because I was more or less the other woman out of the other relationship he had, as well as being the reason for their messy split that he still hasn't recovered from. Another was a friend with benefits just to make another band member that he liked jealous, but they split anyway because he doesn't think he's good enough for him and now he just confessed that he's in love with me and doesn't want me to love the man that I do.

Well, shit.

**Zayn's POV**

After Liam checked that I was still alive, I finished washing quickly, wishing I could just lie in bed forever, and maybe just sleep until I die. Maybe then Niall will be happy.

I sighed, drying off with the fluffy white hotel towel. Niall. The love and hate of my life. The source of my greatest joy and deepest woe. The center of my fondest dreams and darkest nightmares. Niall.

I pulled on my boxers and dried my hair. He had been very cozy with Harry lately, and I didn't like it. Not one bit. Niall James Horan belonged to me.

I blowdryed my hair, trying to be quick about it. I needed to see Liam again, to see what he thought. Then again...what does he have to do with anything? I want Niall and that's final!

I picked out my clothes, trying to distract myself from the dooming thoughts, but to no avail. The blue eyed fiend insisted on being in my mind all the time. I was growing tired of it all. I just want my baby back in my arms. It doesn't seem as though he wants the same.

I frowned slightly, thinking of how he'd been avoiding me like the plague, cowering into Harry whenever I asked to speak to him. Then I thought about how Liam said they were dating to make me and Lou jealous. I also thought about that kiss with Louis. He was skilled with his mouth, that was for certain. And I knew he wanted Harry back. Maybe he'd snap out of his depression long enough to try the same thing?

I'd have to ask him.

**Niall's POV**

I ran out of the room, my hands covering my mouth to muffle the sobs wracking my body. I'd just confessed the feelings I'd been trying so hard to hide. All that lying to myself and covering up. I ended it all, I messed it all up.

Sometimes, I really hated myself.

"Whoa, easy there, Nialler." I collided with a chiseled chest, and looked up into deep brown eyes. "You okay?"

I threw my arms around Liam's waist and sobbed into his bare shoulder. He sighed, but returned the embrace.

"What's wrong?"

"I j-just r-ruined everything!"

"Meaning...?"

"I just conf-fessed my l-love to Harry, and I w-wasn't ready to!"

"So...you love Harry?" I just nodded. "But what about Zayn?"

"I don't kn-know, I just want H-Harry!"

"I'm right here," a voice behind me said. I turned and there he stood, in all his glory, arms wide open. "Come here, Ni." I launched myself into his arms without a second thought.

"Glad to see you alive, Harold."

I felt him nod in response. "We're going to talk now, okay? Thanks, Li. Come on, baby, let's go back to the room." I let him lead me along, knowing I'd go anywhere with him, even if it was off a cliff.

We lay on the bed, limbs intertwined, his fingers stroking my hair, calming me.

"Niall, I'm flattered that you feel so much for me, but I'm not sure it's the best thing for either of us."

My heart sank more and more with each word. "Why not?"

"Because I'm confused about Louis, you're confused about Zayn and I'll be damned if I'm so selfish that I'll hurt you."

"Harry. If you break me, I don't really care. I'll still love you. I'm too selfish and stubborn myself to let you go. Call it Irish pride, or whatever, but my love will follow you to the end of the earth." _Cheesy much, Niall?_

"Ni." He looked into my eyes. "You're still my friend. I don't want to hurt you, even if you don't care."

"Harry, please..."

"No, Niall. We can continue with...whatever_ this_ is, but nothing more."

"You can't stop me from loving you," I whispered. He just looked at me before I covered his lips with mine.

**Louis' POV**

Zayn's really smart. I don't know why Liam's the smart one. Making Harry and Niall jealous right back is probably the most brilliant thing I've ever heard of. I just hope they fall for it. Daddy won't like it, though.

I looked at Liam and bit my lip. I really wanted nothing more than to push him against the wall and snog him until he can't remember who he is. I sighed, running my hand through my hair, much to Lou Teasedale's annoyance. She scowled before fixing it back.

Snogging Liam won't distract me from my pain. I look over at Zayn longingly. Why? Jesus, WHY does Zayn Malik have to have a perfect body? Why does he have to have perfect hair? Why does he have to have a perfect face? Literally, a scientifically perfect face! Yeah, I saw that post on tumblr. Just...why?

I sigh again boredly as my face is powdered. I didn't even want to be there. I was so sick of those fucking peasants throwing carrots at me, screaming "LEWIS, I EAT CARROTS, DO YOU LOVE ME?" How about no, because you're tacky and I hate you.

I look over at Niall, who's staring longingly at Harry. Jealousy coursed through me. *Harry's mine,* I thought, clenching my fist. We had yet to make up, but I knew that there was no way I was giving him up without a fight. Niall caught me glaring at him. He looked surprised, but held his ground, staring right back at me. I let my eyes flicker to Harry, then back to the blonde, and narrow. He smirked, walking over to Harry and kissing him full on the lips. From what I could see, Harry kissed him back. Niall looked back at me, smiling sweetly.

Two can play at that. I hopped out of the chair, went over to Zayn and pressed my lips to his. He seemed surprised, but kissed back. It would have probably turned to a full snogging session, but I pulled away, pecking his lips again before sitting back in the makeup chair.

Niall glared daggers at me, and I smiled back. When Lou was done with me, we went to the tech room to get our mics before going onstage. Niall held Harry's hand and they smiled at each other. The blonde turned to me and smirked.

In response, I grabbed Zayn's arse and whispered in his ear. I don't remember what I said, but it got him blushing. And I grinned at Niall.

_Game on, Horan._

**howdy hi ho, i hope you enjoyed the last chapter!**

**Yes, that was really the last chapter. Sequel should be up in a few, after i update TMAL (which has some serious shit going on, like ohjygmod)**

**soooo, yeah. The sequel's called Still The One. Look out for it.**

**And thank you all so much for your support throughout this story, you guys have been the best. I love you all soooo much, and your reviews make me laugh so much, like i really love reading them.**

**um...i think that's it, to be honest. except, any of you can always talk to me whenever. PM me on here, or follow me on twitter and DM me, or tumblr and send me an ask, anonymous or not, and if you don't ask anonymously, I'll answer privately, so yeah. Thank you all so much. **

**I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it. **

**Look for more of my stories coming up! A little preview:**

_**Our Same Mistakes Are Taken**_** (a request and the only chaptered het i will write)**

_**Nobody Compares **_**(A Lilo fic)**

_**They Don't Know About Us**_** (a Ziall abuse fic)**

_**Taken**_** (a Lilo hate fic)**

_**Rock God **_**(a Nosh fic)**

_**I Want**_** (a Tomlinshaw/Gryles/Larry love triangle)**

_**Gotta Be You**_** (can't really explain this one, so you all just have to wait)**

**um yeah, so got other stories to update. Love you all. And thank you Caresse for making me laugh! Seriously, I cracked up soo much, love you, sweetie.**

**Sooo...see you all in the sequel. Byyyyyyyye.**

**~Lulu xx**


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